An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

[October]

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I didn't realise who you were on theother thread (so at least you know iot was genuine not one of the gang stuff).

Sounds to me , petal, like you are doing so well. Your H isn't being kind to you, rarely is and you have still ahd the stength to work so hard at your marriage!

Why is the weight such an idssue for him? Has he got issues there himself? Mine is up and down- more up latrely yet Dh doesnt seem to care. Why cant all men be like that? An ex of mine told me when I was bullemic and seriosuly ill that I was a

ahem

'better shag when you're dying'.

There are some VERY strange men out there .

Personally, I wore glasses for 30 years (had my eyes lasered last year - hooray!!) but I always thought that people looked fatter with my glasses OFF . Seriously October, I seem to recall from your previous thread that you weren't actually that much overweight (some would consider you were quite normal in comparison with the HUGE people one sometimes sees - so what exactly is his problem? It's HIS problem - not yours - seems like he's focussing on your weight to mask something else...?

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October, i think if you tell your DH of your feelings for another man you may just be offloading your guilt. This mat make you feel better, to come clean but, it could be very damaging to the healing provess of your relationship. Your DH will be very hurt by this admission and the whole thing could end up blowing up in your face.

Nothing happened with G. You didn't have an affair. You have a crush on a guy you work with. Simple as that. Please give it some thought before you admit all to DH.

I would agree with ifonlyhewould, tbh. I can see what you would gainbut I', not sure what H would, tobh. Unless you have a need to hurt him (which I oculd understand but wouldn't be fair really). Some however would argue that honesty is a gift in itself; thats an ethical deciosion that you would have to make for yourself. I would suggest however that given where you are, you would be nailing the coffin shut forever! It takes a lot of love and dedication to come back from something like that!

I really admire youcoping with working with G, it must really make things hard. Is there no chane of a job change?

Oh and the ex? long grown up, engaged and baby on way. People change

i agree

it would only serve to make things worse

October, DON't tell him. As the others have said, and you yourself seem to realise, G's only a crush, caused by the feeling of neglect from H - (except when you're depressed). OK, so some of the depression is caused by G, and H is lovely to you then, and you don't feel it's fair to cause him to be so kind when the cause is G (does that sentence make any sense ??? But It's not necessary to tell him - really, there's nothing TO tell. and it will only give him something else to hold against you. It's natural to have a crush when you're not getting your needs met at home - goodness, I had loads of crushes on everyone from friends husbands (but NEVER considered doing anything) to film stars - even fancied the postman! during my '10 years without sex' marriage. Eventually there WAS something to tell, (now DP) and even then I didn't until H challenged me, because at that time I really didn't want to end the marriage because it was 'safe' and I knew it would hurt dd and H.

You've been a better, stronger woman than I was - you haven't given in to temptation - and from the sound of G, he would probably have hurt you sooner or later - and you're trying hard to stay friends with G as well as rebuild your marriage. In that situation, some things are better left unsaid.

IOHW - when I say I fancied the postman (he looked great in shorts one summer) - I have to admit it wasn't mutual - maybe I should have been wearing your bra

it's not that long ago I started fantasising about Gordon Ramsey!! How sad is that!!

Well he does take his shirt off on screen on a weekly basis, which is worth switching on for all by itself.

Ooooh yes Thats the bit I like, nice pec's for a grumpy old git!

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You can still enjoy the fantasy. Me and Gordon get up to allsorts!!!

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Well you have something good to remember him by then Enjoy the memory!

Morning campers.

Gordon Ramsey ....

This time 15 years ago I was working on producing dd - 15 years old today! Can't believe how the years have flown. I'm having a half day so I can be home when she gets home from school. She's entertaining 3 friends and my parents to tea and perhaps a Chinese later, then going to the West End for pizza tomorrow. My days of organising party games are over - but it means I don't have to worry about buying stacks of e-numbers .

Last night dp said he was SO glad we're together - he's had a bad week but things between us have been good - no more rows about loud music or alcohol . He goes in for a hernia op in a fortnight - unless his blood pressure is too high or his kidneys aren't fit - I'm actually rather looking forward to taking a couple of days' 'care leave' to look after him.

Will catch up with all of you later.

Sounds like lovely day you have planned Tanee Things seem to be looking up for you in all directions. Have a lovely day xx

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Gosh October, you really do seem to have it bad for this guy. I'm only sorry it's causing you so much pain.

Do you think if he was being friendly towards you again, like he was in the beginning, before you got 'semi-involved', that you would feel happier. Do you think it could be the fact that he seems not to want you is what is making you want him more?

I'm wondering if maybe you are not as happy at home as you would like to be. That you may be just going through the motions of repairing the relationship with DH but that your heart isn't truly in it. G was an escape from you in the beginning, what you had with him took the onus off what was going on at home. I wonder if you are still looking for that escape.

How are things at home now? Do you feel things have improved between you and DH or do you think its a lost cause now? Do you want it to work out?

Just spill your guts. No ones going to preach, lecture or judge you Get it all off your chest!! xx

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Of course DH loves you! He is doing everything you have asked of him because he loves you. But you don't love you!!

I wonder if the thing with G was more about the way he made you feel as a person than about the man himself. For a while you liked yourself, loved yourself even!

You don't need DH to make you feel sexy and attractive. You can do that yourself. Lose the weight if you need to, wear nice underwear, exercise, eat well, look after yourself. Stop looking to DH or G to make you feel better about yourself. To make you feel happy. Your happiness is your responsibility. Your DH responsibility is to share it, enjoy it with you, not provide it.

Yes, i know, i'm being a cow and you hate me for it BUT..... I just want you to realise that you are a worthwhile person in your own right. All this with G is sapping everything from you. I want you to focus on you, not him!

If you could change one thing about yourself, something that would make you happy, what would that be?
I'm not talking material things, i'm talking about you yourself, October.

(I'm not a cow really by the way )

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OK. so go for it!!

Lose weight, get fit, i bet you will feel tons better about yourself.

Hi October - good to see you back! (No Im not that slow on the uptake, just back from holiday - catching up with things and havent had a chance to change out of my Easter name yet)

Sorry the work guy is playing on your mind so much - at the moment I seem to be having mad crushes left right and centre, mostly on people on the tv, i feel like a teenager again! Bloody hormones.

Are you having another relate session soon? Hope you can get regular ones, as Ive found counselling with long gaps completely useless.