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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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Original poster
October · 27/04/2007 22:32

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mummytosteven · 27/04/2007 22:39

I think it's down to H now to make the effort to make you happy, and take on board what you are saying at the counselling. If the G thing had been a real sexual relationship that would have created an enormous messy potential for guilt or worse if discovered, it was far best left in the realm of fantasy, a pity that G couldn't have been more chivalrous, but it's still been a useful experience, in that just because a man is attracted to you doesn't mean you need to follow up on it.

Original poster
October · 27/04/2007 22:44

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Ifonlyhewould · 28/04/2007 18:40

Hi Ocetober

Just checking your ok. Hope your'e having a good weekend and all is ok with DH.

As for G. He's an itch you didn't scratch so you don't have a scar but you still have a tickle

Keep smiling, stay strong XX

Original poster
October · 28/04/2007 18:54

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October · 28/04/2007 20:29

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mummytosteven · 28/04/2007 20:33

it's not so much the fine v perfect thing that would worry me, but how usual him being "nice" is. I believe that save for periods of extraordinary stress of one sort of another people should be at the very least respectful of other's feelings the vast majority of the time.

Original poster
october · 28/04/2007 20:39

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mummytosteven · 28/04/2007 20:43

maybe if when you go to counsellingit is presented as a problem you both need to overcome in relation to each other, rather than just his problem, then maybe he will feel less defensive and more likely to work on it? /pollyanna emoticon required.

Original poster
October · 29/04/2007 13:59

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mummytosteven · 29/04/2007 19:02

not talking to you just how old is he?????

Original poster
October · 29/04/2007 19:51

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mummytosteven · 29/04/2007 19:58

oh dear. only you can make the call as to when you can't put up with any crap/don't want to wait around to give him the chance to mend his ways. but don't make any overt decisions yet - you need a chance to let the dust settle, and to sort out your new meds. nothing wrong with making contingency plans/looking at finances in the event of a split right now though...

Fubsy · 29/04/2007 20:24

Oh dear, this is starting to sound familiar. DP used to say to me - "Im not stopping you going out and having a social life"!!!

Maybe not stopping me, but every time I said was he going to be in on an evening, he was working and couldnt change his shift, or he was playing pool and couldnt let the lads down.

In fact that was probably the final straw - he once said he couldnt expect me to understand about team commitment because I said how was it that other members of the team would not turn up, but he had to be there rain or shine.

So now we have the situation where he goes "out with the lads" at least 2 evenings a week, and the highlight of my social calender is a PTA meeting (if he's not working and I can actually get there!) But he still tells me I go out more than he does because I take DD places.

Id like to see him accept that his social life was going to revolve around trips to soft play and walks on the moors.

Original poster
October · 29/04/2007 20:42

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Fubsy · 29/04/2007 21:27

Aha, spotted it - you dont have to work.

Youre insulting his male right to provide for his dependants!

Think that was the only reason I was able to persuade DP that I should go PT after DD was born, because the drop in salary hit us hard.

Original poster
October · 29/04/2007 21:40

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Fubsy · 29/04/2007 22:02

Then he's confused.

Thats made me think - how many men job-share? Not many I would think!

Original poster
October · 29/04/2007 22:05

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Fubsy · 29/04/2007 22:20

Funny, I get the feeling DP is jealous too because he hates his job, and I dont get anywhere near as much pressure as he does.

But looking at his options was one of the things I tried to get him to talk about - I was even willing to consider him working away if it made him happier - but he just would not talk about it.

For some reason I keep thinking perhaps he's gay but in denial - I cant think of any other reason why he would be so against talking about anything with me, and would rather move out than talk.

Original poster
October · 29/04/2007 22:28

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mummytosteven · 29/04/2007 22:31

hmmm I'm a bit unsure about the "gay in denial" if it's just uncommunicativeness that makes you think that. some people (men especially) can be very very reticent about discussing their emotions/it's not seen as a masculline thing to do.

Original poster
October · 29/04/2007 22:32

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Fubsy · 29/04/2007 22:37

Not wanting sex and very keen on male bonding! In a blokey way though.

Sobernow · 29/04/2007 22:42

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