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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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October · 17/04/2007 21:38

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October · 17/04/2007 21:40

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Cashncarry · 17/04/2007 21:44

Can't help but snigger at your comment to the counsellor that the only thing you can think of was that he looked good in jeans - would LOVED to have been a fly on the wall so I could have seen his face

I don't really have any advice about G as I've not experienced anything similar (yet!). It does seem as though despite your frequent thoughts about him and the intensity of your feeling, you've handled it in a remarkably adult way. It sounds like an infatuation - completely understandable in your circumstances - and hopefully the strong feelings will fade in time, especially given the distance you've placed between the two of you emotionally now.

October · 17/04/2007 21:48

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Cashncarry · 17/04/2007 21:52

I'm not surprised you wanted to have sex with him - he sounds yummy! We don't switch off our libidos when we get married, do we?

Having said that, I'm afraid to say that yes, some men do put that amount of effort into a flirtation just for the possibility of sex. I've learnt this the hard way (plenty of one-night-stands in my past!) and I was a sucker for a well-thought out "line". I don't understand how men do it really, I would never invest that amount of time in someone I wasn't really serious about...

October · 17/04/2007 21:57

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October · 17/04/2007 21:58

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Cashncarry · 17/04/2007 22:04

LOL at "closure" - such a cliche but desperately needed somehow!

I know it's hard but you've already achieved closure IMO. You've acted with dignity and class laydee! You've clearly sent the right "look but don't touch" vibes and he's realised it's pretty fruitless to persevere. Good that he's still giving you those "go to bed" looks but I think you're doing the right thing with trying to resolve issues with H first.

Going to bed now but please remember that even if you feel really low, MN is still a great place to be. I understand that you wanted to lay low for a while and you found it hard to post. I actually wanted to CAT you but thought you might think I was bonkers! Do CAT me if you'd rather

Beauregard · 17/04/2007 22:07

If you need to chat sometime just cat me,i'm sorry to hear you have been low again.
Sounds like the ball has started rolling with regards to your relationship/relate.

October · 17/04/2007 22:07

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October · 17/04/2007 22:08

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Beauregard · 17/04/2007 22:10

nighty night.

charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 17/04/2007 22:35

October

Hi been thinking about you wondered who it's been going. Pleased to hear you've made head way with g at work and that you've both got something out of relate have you got more sessions booked or was it just a one off?
Take care of yourself, sounds like the extra sleep is helping must be turning your mind off for a bit as I'm sure you're minds always running over things and that must be very stressful and confusing.
As said before on old thread it'll take time to heal but you will get there were ever there leads and you'll be fine.

lou33 · 17/04/2007 23:39

i'm glad you didnt shag him october

i think it would have really hurt you deeper than you realised

October · 18/04/2007 08:27

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westerngirl · 18/04/2007 09:34

Hello October,

Just wanted to say hello!

Nothing worse than sleep deprivation, is there? Everything seems an uphill struggle.

Could you employ any techniques to block out worries/anxieties when trying to sleep? If I'm having trouble getting to sleep I try to fill my mind with a huge black, blank cinema screen. If thoughts infiltrate I drag back the screen and concentrate on it, fighting any thoughts trying to distract me. It is soothing (never did yoga, but maybe same idea) and helps me to wind down.

Keep well and look after yourself.

lou33 · 18/04/2007 09:42

october

the thing is love, is that it is very much finished to him, he shows that in his behaviour towards you

please dont waste any more time focusing on him

Tanee58 · 18/04/2007 14:03

Hi October,

Just by chance, found your new thread. Hooray!
Will catch up with it over lunch and try to post something when I'm up to date.

in the meantime, big hug!

Tanee58 · 18/04/2007 14:42

Hi again, good not just to see you, October, but all the other familiar names.

Well - lots to digest! I'm so sorry you've been feeling so low - I did wonder if things were on top of you when you deleted your thread - and also whether your h had got wind of it. One of my friends was in a very similar position - she wanted to break with her h, he resisted (one of these types who insist that 'what God has put together' etc even though they were both miserable. When he hacked into her email account and read all the stuff she and her friends had written, all hell broke loose. He also found out that she was on the verge of an affair with an ex-work colleague (shades of 'G' there) which made more difficulties. She eventually divorced but is now having trouble finding someone new - seems to have a gift for picking wrong uns, sadly.

October, I do hope things improve - the others have given great advice. I think you should try to keep him going to a few more Relate sessions - though it will make things strained between you straight after - as you found - purely because stuff has come out in the session that you've not been able to share. As you noticed, he started to listen when there was a third party present. That's a positive.

And as regards 'G' - toughie - but you're doing well, so don't agonise too much (easy to say, I know).

I did laugh about you only remembering liking h because he looked good in jeans! He might have been annoyed that you didn't go for his big brain - but deep down, what man won't feel flattered to think he was seen as a sex God! (especially a Physics guy)

October · 18/04/2007 14:43

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Tanee58 · 18/04/2007 14:44

Perhaps you could tell H that seeing him in his jeans was like seeing Mr Darcy in his wet shirt (though don't I don't recall THAT scene in the book )- same effect on the femal psyche

October · 18/04/2007 17:07

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lou33 · 18/04/2007 18:38

you should remind him that it was your brain he found attractive, so why is he now so hung up on your weight?

October · 18/04/2007 18:41

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lou33 · 18/04/2007 18:48

tell him you had permanent beer goggles on for the first 5 years, and after that it was too late