Am I Overreacting?

[Lulutiger1]

Long term poster on here who has name changed for this as family members use this site and don't want them to twig it's me.

I've been with my OH for a year and we don't live together (don't have any kids or anything like that either).

When we first got together he was very hot and cold. He ended things a few times in the first 3 months but always said he'd made a mistake and wanted me back.

We haven't split up for 9 months now and seem to be in a much happier place and have been discussing me moving in with him.

That was, until last night!

I questioned him about why he used to finish with me a lot and he eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive. I was a size 14-16 then but I'm tall and have always been toned. I just had really wide hips and bum etc. I asked him if he'd thought I was fat and his response was "you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good".

I'm now a size 12 and he makes little remarks here and there like "when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"
Or
"You're going to look amazing once you lose more weight".

I don't really know how to take this - do you think he's just being honest and it's not a big deal, or do you think he's really out of order?
I was very upset when he told me last night as it's not nice to hear that someone you love has thought negative thoughts about the way you look and tried to split up with you multiple times over it. Maybe I'm just being insecure though.

Thoughts please x

...he's mean to me

That should be enough for you to end it. You don't have children together thank god, so no reason to keep in touch with him.

What you should look for in a boyfriend is - someone who makes you feel good, who makes you feel desirable, who builds you up and who has your back. He ain't that.

OP you’ve absolutely done the right thing. He’s literally making you ill. He sounds awful. Don’t start feeling sorry for him. He’s hurt you and that’s unacceptable

We have different opinions on a lot of things too. He has an issue with gay people which used to make my blood boil. He also hates cats and is allergic to them (I have a cat). And I once told him I'd finish with him if ever paid for a lap dance (we were discussing stag dos) and he laughed and said his friend's partners would actively tell them to get lapdances and have fun on nights out and I should get over myself and chill out a bit
The more stuff I write down, the more I realise he's completely not right for me

That bowling story makes me feel sad, and sick. What a nasty piece of work. You poor love.

So he is sexist and homophobic? Nice.

Yes write more about what a hateful person he is, it’ll help.

@alternative my mistake - he's only homophobic when it comes to gay men. Gay women though?He loves a bit of women on women action if it's on tv or something. Lovely huh?

If you hadn't said he was skin y I would think you were dating my ex. Do yourself a favour hun run as fast as you can.

The more you add the more ridiculous it is that you've stayed with him as long as you have.

He's some catch

@greatstar well that's what having anxiety can sometimes do to you! it's made me fearful of being on my own. But I realise now that it's better than being with someone who makes me even more anxious than I already am

He'll always find me attractive even if I put weight back on

Right and he'll just find something else to make you feel insecure about. Get him to f#ck OP. You can and will do sooo much better than him.

If you have any feelings of kindness towards him, give him the number of a counsellor as you wave him goodbye.
He clearly has issues (which aren't your problem)

Oh I know Lulu only too well xx

But I realise now that it's better than being with someone who makes me even more anxious than I already am

Any chance you can write that out and stick it on your fridge?

You know it enough to write it but you need to remember it and live it

He’s so so vile. Keep posting op we are right with you and you arnt alone x

There are many good men out there. Men who will love and respect you. ..who'll cherish you in every sense.

All too often in life. ..we settle for less than we deserve don't do that.

Everybody deserves a partner who has their back and makes them feel special. ..Good looks. ..and being good in bed aren't enough to be with such an idiot.

Sweetheart.... this man is quietly manipulating.. suggestively controlling... and will end the relationship because you don't have thick glossy 'fake' hair or gain a few pounds.... you would spend your entire relationship frantic about your nails.. your extensions .. your weight... I'm surprised he's not suggested colour contacts to change your eye colour to his favourite colour too... is he dressing you yet ?... tell him to GTF.. this is not right my lovely....

your relationship should grow and nurture with love affection and respect... this Clown wants a Barbi to match his ideal fantasy...

imagine a long term life with him... Him picking at your every move ...

you should be with a Man who wants the actual YOU

Wow, what a fucking prince! I guarantee your IBS will calm down once you’ve been away from him a while. I feel sorry for him, with naiils, 80’s backcombed hair, the works. What a twat.

Keep posting Lulu. You've cottoned on to what an awful person he is, get it all down so you can re read it if you ever feel tempted to give him another go.

When I posted my first response, within a few minutes of your op, I did wonder briefly afterwards if I'd been a bit rash and judgemental - perhaps after all he was just one of those hopeless well-meaning but insensitive men, trying clumsily to support you. But only for a nano-second. Everything you've told us subsequently: your health problems, his criticisms of your nails, hair, bowling - and sex (FFS! WTAF?) - has been another huge red flag so it's now looking like the Russian Revolution over at Lulu Towers. You are SO wise in stopping him now. In a year's time you'll look back on this and wonder how on earth he managed to suck you in. Handsome is as handsome does. It's a cliché for a reason: it's true.

If you once had feelings for this man it's because you are a generous and unselfish person who made allowances for his dickish behaviour and placed your own feelings lower than his. You are worth infinitely more than this.

Wow he sounds like an absolute charmer! Does he have a massive knob?

fwiw I broke up with a long term boyfriend just before my 30th. I never looked back and probably had my best birthday ever.

Good decision op. He sounds like an arse.

He doesn’t even let you have space from his texts when you have said you want a break.

Write down all the bad stuff and read it if you feel weak to his texts.

If he continues to harass ask him to stop via text so you have written proof you have asked him to leave you alone. I would tell him there’s nothing he can do to change your mind, it’s over, you really do not like who he is and don’t want to waste any more time.

He’s never cooked you a meal, has a house like a bombsite, insults you deliberately - you are well rid of him. The first year is a trial, when people show their best side, this is him at his best.

A pp asked if he has access to your food. He seems very weight obsessed. Is there any chance he could have put laxatives in your drinks? Is there any pattern of IBS vs seeing him? I know it’s an awful thing to think but I have known some awful people who portray a nice person to the world but are genuinely rotten inside.

get rid of him, I love my fells regardless of any weight he has put on or hair he has lost - I love my person. Get rid of this sack of shit.

ooops fells = fella