Am I Overreacting?

[Lulutiger1]

Long term poster on here who has name changed for this as family members use this site and don't want them to twig it's me.

I've been with my OH for a year and we don't live together (don't have any kids or anything like that either).

When we first got together he was very hot and cold. He ended things a few times in the first 3 months but always said he'd made a mistake and wanted me back.

We haven't split up for 9 months now and seem to be in a much happier place and have been discussing me moving in with him.

That was, until last night!

I questioned him about why he used to finish with me a lot and he eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive. I was a size 14-16 then but I'm tall and have always been toned. I just had really wide hips and bum etc. I asked him if he'd thought I was fat and his response was "you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good".

I'm now a size 12 and he makes little remarks here and there like "when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"
Or
"You're going to look amazing once you lose more weight".

I don't really know how to take this - do you think he's just being honest and it's not a big deal, or do you think he's really out of order?
I was very upset when he told me last night as it's not nice to hear that someone you love has thought negative thoughts about the way you look and tried to split up with you multiple times over it. Maybe I'm just being insecure though.

Thoughts please x

[Joysmum]

When you get more texts from him, and you will, short and sweet response of something like ‘I’m done. I won’t be responding any more.’ Then make sure you stick to it and block him.

[bastardkitty]

He is super-manipulative. That's why it's so hard. He wants to make it hard. You are doing so well. The next time he threatens to kill himself, call 101 and let the police know.

[SandyY2K]

He's realised he's losing a wonderful woman... That's why he's grovelling and bombarding you with texts.

Foolish man he is.

[C8H10N4O2]

He sounds vile and manipulative and you deserve so much better.

He will also only get worse the more you tie yourself to him. Cut your losses before you are tied to him.

[Toprated]

Oh so typical.

Watch out though as next he will get nasty and insult you and make horrible threats towards you. (Been there recently.) then apologies and more begging and pleading. Be firm.

[Lulutiger1]

I remember when he ended things for the third time and then tried to get me back I said no for a few days (should have stuck to it!)
He sent me messages back then saying he was going to put a rope round his neck and no one would miss him. Of course he didn't as people who use emotional blackmail often just say these things for attention, but it still made me feel worried and guilty that he was so upset

[bastardkitty]

He dumped you again. He changed his mind. You didn't accept him back immediately. He threatened to hang himself. He is one sick fuck.

[Lulutiger1]

It ended up being me apologising to him even though I was the one who had been dumped. It's so funny how these tactics are so obvious when you take a step back and look at what was actually going on. But at the time it's so difficult to see

[yousignup]

OP please leave him. My husband calls me a fat ugly bitch every time he gets drunk. It's awful. He doesn't deserve me and you could do so much better.

[Joysmum]

How about you make some predictions as to his next moves.

Writing them down will make you prepared and prove in your own mind he’s a predictable manipulative nasty piece of work.

[Sevendown]

What a horrible man!

Ditch
Ditch
Ditch

[rollingonariver]

Well done for sticking up for yourself and being strong op. You’ll find a man who isn’t a rat.
I just have to second what others have said too, what happens when you have a baby and can’t shift the weight because you’re looking after a freaking baby ? I have friends who’s partners bully them for being ‘fat’ (a size 12) just after they’ve had a baby. It’s stressful enough without a man like that and what about when you get old or have an accident which makes you ‘less attractive’. You don’t need the extra stress of worrying he’s going to leave you 😊

[bastardkitty]

You are so right there Lulu

[Worldsworstcook]

Do you know posts like yours remind me that there are people with perfectedly good marriages who feel like they lack lustre ir are a tad boring and then you read a post like yours and give thinks that their oh doesn't mind the extra four stone you've piled on 25 years and loves you just the same.

He's not a keeper, dump his ass and do it in some disparaging way, I can't be with you now you're losing your hair or some shit like that. Hits him where it hurts, his image!

[lynmilne65]

A smack

[Ethylred]

You'll be miserable with him. He's telling you, in a way that combines sincerity with nastiness, that he doesn't fancy you.
Leave.

[MrsAJ27]

He is a manipulative twat and you can do so much better than him!

[Gemini69]

you relax and enjoy your Sunday as best you can Lady

[TathitiPete]

I imagine it hurts because you are grieving the loss of the relationship you wanted to have. But that's not the relationship you did have so you're making absolutely making the right call.

[FinallyHere]

at the time it's so difficult to see

Don't worry about taking a while to spot him, be glad that you have seen through him now.

[Ellendegeneres]

How are you doing op?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Hi OP - just read through the thread. Well done for dumping him - you're a lot more polite than me!!!

Stay strong.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Wow just seen this.
Well done OP.
I hope you've managed to block and ignore him.
I know it's moved on a lot but this made me go - Abso-fuckin-lutely!!!
With big fat bells on

He's negging you. Which is the universal sign of being a cunt

[ShatnersWig]

Do NOT cave at any point. Remain strong. Ignore his texts, calls, whatever. You've done brilliantly but you've taken him back twice before. Do not fall for it again.

[Alixjenkins]

First time poster here. In serious need of advice!

It’s my friends wedding today..

Years ago we always talked about how we were going to be each others bridesmaids and godmothers to our children. It was a conversation I took seriously as we were getting older and thinking about our futures and we were really close.

A few months before she and her partner got engaged I found out I was pregnant. And she seemed to be happy for me.
But when I came to her engagement party in August, I found out myself that I was passed to being a bridesmaid, I was more annoyed at the fact she never told me I had to find out myself.

When her and her MoH fell out she was looking for someone to replace her, she came to see me and said ‘would you rather be a godmother or a bridesmaid’ now as a best friend I’d expect to be both (personal opinion). I told her that it was her wedding day and she should choose the person. Again, that wasn’t me. But I knew I was going to be invited all day as we had discussed this in length and I had a seperate menu due to allergies.

Back in April was her hen night I couldn’t attend, but said I’d take her out when we were free. It was mainly her mums friends who attended and barely any of hers.
I also found out that it was her Mum who told her that I shouldn’t be a bridesmaid because ‘I’d ruin the photos’ (this wasn’t said just about me!)

Fast forward to the end of May/start of June. A few of us got together for a catch up. She had handed us our invites and said ‘don’t get too excited they are only evening invites’ to which I was extremely shocked and speechless! I couldn’t even think of how to feel.
I understand that money can be an issue for people and that have to make cuts, but she’s the godmother to my child I would rather she had spoken to me about it and explain to me face to face than throw this invite in front of me.
The next day I decided that I wouldn’t attend that I wasn’t going to attend.
I just feel everything changed when I found out I was pregnant. And that’s why I’ve been passed to being a bridesmaid, and why I’ve not been invited all day.

Was it her Mum that decided this? I’ve all these questions and can’t get myself to as her. Should I tell that other prerson about why she was passed to be a bridesmaid?

Am I overreacting? I’ve missed the deadline for attending but feel that if I don’t I’ll regret it.
Thanks!