Am I Overreacting?

[Lulutiger1]

Long term poster on here who has name changed for this as family members use this site and don't want them to twig it's me.

I've been with my OH for a year and we don't live together (don't have any kids or anything like that either).

When we first got together he was very hot and cold. He ended things a few times in the first 3 months but always said he'd made a mistake and wanted me back.

We haven't split up for 9 months now and seem to be in a much happier place and have been discussing me moving in with him.

That was, until last night!

I questioned him about why he used to finish with me a lot and he eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive. I was a size 14-16 then but I'm tall and have always been toned. I just had really wide hips and bum etc. I asked him if he'd thought I was fat and his response was "you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good".

I'm now a size 12 and he makes little remarks here and there like "when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"
Or
"You're going to look amazing once you lose more weight".

I don't really know how to take this - do you think he's just being honest and it's not a big deal, or do you think he's really out of order?
I was very upset when he told me last night as it's not nice to hear that someone you love has thought negative thoughts about the way you look and tried to split up with you multiple times over it. Maybe I'm just being insecure though.

Thoughts please x

[Beaverhausen]

Fuck me so you are only worth taking on holiday when you lose weight.

Adios loser! You can do so much better OP.

[Gard21]

Alixjenkins I think it would be best if you started your own thread that way you will get more responses.

[Alixjenkins]

Sorry! Didn’t realise this was on someone else’s! Still new to this, sorry again

[piscis]

He eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive

"you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good"

"when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"

WTF. How patronising...

What a horrible horrible person. Why would you want to be with him.
You are sooooo much better than him, for sure. He is pathetic.
I always thought that people on mumsnet tend to advice women to leave their partner very easily, but hell, now it is going to be me...leave him!!

[piscis]

The only weight you need to lose is him

This!!

[mogratpineapple]

My daughter has just finished a domestic abuse course. The exact phrase you mentioned - when you lose a bit more weight - was cited as a controlling phrase. He comes and goes because of 'your weight'.

I get it that some people are not attracted to bigger people, but this coming and going actually doesn't seem like that is the issue here. All comes across as flaky.

My advise is move on. He's not the one for you.

[narnie55]

What a wanker!

No man should make you cry/upset and to make you question your self about the way you look and how he feels/sees you.
I would not put up with that at all.

When i got with my partner i said look “iv got a fat arse either love it or hate it cos i wont change”

Tell him to piss off if he cant appreciate what he’s got.