Am I Overreacting?

[Lulutiger1]

Long term poster on here who has name changed for this as family members use this site and don't want them to twig it's me.

I've been with my OH for a year and we don't live together (don't have any kids or anything like that either).

When we first got together he was very hot and cold. He ended things a few times in the first 3 months but always said he'd made a mistake and wanted me back.

We haven't split up for 9 months now and seem to be in a much happier place and have been discussing me moving in with him.

That was, until last night!

I questioned him about why he used to finish with me a lot and he eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive. I was a size 14-16 then but I'm tall and have always been toned. I just had really wide hips and bum etc. I asked him if he'd thought I was fat and his response was "you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good".

I'm now a size 12 and he makes little remarks here and there like "when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"
Or
"You're going to look amazing once you lose more weight".

I don't really know how to take this - do you think he's just being honest and it's not a big deal, or do you think he's really out of order?
I was very upset when he told me last night as it's not nice to hear that someone you love has thought negative thoughts about the way you look and tried to split up with you multiple times over it. Maybe I'm just being insecure though.

Thoughts please x

[narnie55]

What a wanker!

No man should make you cry/upset and to make you question your self about the way you look and how he feels/sees you.
I would not put up with that at all.

When i got with my partner i said look “iv got a fat arse either love it or hate it cos i wont change”

Tell him to piss off if he cant appreciate what he’s got.

[mogratpineapple]

My daughter has just finished a domestic abuse course. The exact phrase you mentioned - when you lose a bit more weight - was cited as a controlling phrase. He comes and goes because of 'your weight'.

I get it that some people are not attracted to bigger people, but this coming and going actually doesn't seem like that is the issue here. All comes across as flaky.

My advise is move on. He's not the one for you.

[piscis]

The only weight you need to lose is him

This!!

[piscis]

He eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive

"you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good"

"when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"

WTF. How patronising...

What a horrible horrible person. Why would you want to be with him.
You are sooooo much better than him, for sure. He is pathetic.
I always thought that people on mumsnet tend to advice women to leave their partner very easily, but hell, now it is going to be me...leave him!!

[Alixjenkins]

Sorry! Didn’t realise this was on someone else’s! Still new to this, sorry again

[Gard21]

Alixjenkins I think it would be best if you started your own thread that way you will get more responses.

[Beaverhausen]

Fuck me so you are only worth taking on holiday when you lose weight.

Adios loser! You can do so much better OP.

[Alixjenkins]

First time poster here. In serious need of advice!

It’s my friends wedding today..

Years ago we always talked about how we were going to be each others bridesmaids and godmothers to our children. It was a conversation I took seriously as we were getting older and thinking about our futures and we were really close.

A few months before she and her partner got engaged I found out I was pregnant. And she seemed to be happy for me.
But when I came to her engagement party in August, I found out myself that I was passed to being a bridesmaid, I was more annoyed at the fact she never told me I had to find out myself.

When her and her MoH fell out she was looking for someone to replace her, she came to see me and said ‘would you rather be a godmother or a bridesmaid’ now as a best friend I’d expect to be both (personal opinion). I told her that it was her wedding day and she should choose the person. Again, that wasn’t me. But I knew I was going to be invited all day as we had discussed this in length and I had a seperate menu due to allergies.

Back in April was her hen night I couldn’t attend, but said I’d take her out when we were free. It was mainly her mums friends who attended and barely any of hers.
I also found out that it was her Mum who told her that I shouldn’t be a bridesmaid because ‘I’d ruin the photos’ (this wasn’t said just about me!)

Fast forward to the end of May/start of June. A few of us got together for a catch up. She had handed us our invites and said ‘don’t get too excited they are only evening invites’ to which I was extremely shocked and speechless! I couldn’t even think of how to feel.
I understand that money can be an issue for people and that have to make cuts, but she’s the godmother to my child I would rather she had spoken to me about it and explain to me face to face than throw this invite in front of me.
The next day I decided that I wouldn’t attend that I wasn’t going to attend.
I just feel everything changed when I found out I was pregnant. And that’s why I’ve been passed to being a bridesmaid, and why I’ve not been invited all day.

Was it her Mum that decided this? I’ve all these questions and can’t get myself to as her. Should I tell that other prerson about why she was passed to be a bridesmaid?

Am I overreacting? I’ve missed the deadline for attending but feel that if I don’t I’ll regret it.
Thanks!

[ShatnersWig]

Do NOT cave at any point. Remain strong. Ignore his texts, calls, whatever. You've done brilliantly but you've taken him back twice before. Do not fall for it again.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Wow just seen this.
Well done OP.
I hope you've managed to block and ignore him.
I know it's moved on a lot but this made me go - Abso-fuckin-lutely!!!
With big fat bells on

He's negging you. Which is the universal sign of being a cunt

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Hi OP - just read through the thread. Well done for dumping him - you're a lot more polite than me!!!

Stay strong.

[Ellendegeneres]

How are you doing op?

[FinallyHere]

at the time it's so difficult to see

Don't worry about taking a while to spot him, be glad that you have seen through him now.

[TathitiPete]

I imagine it hurts because you are grieving the loss of the relationship you wanted to have. But that's not the relationship you did have so you're making absolutely making the right call.

[Gemini69]

you relax and enjoy your Sunday as best you can Lady

[MrsAJ27]

He is a manipulative twat and you can do so much better than him!

[Ethylred]

You'll be miserable with him. He's telling you, in a way that combines sincerity with nastiness, that he doesn't fancy you.
Leave.

[lynmilne65]

A smack

[Worldsworstcook]

Do you know posts like yours remind me that there are people with perfectedly good marriages who feel like they lack lustre ir are a tad boring and then you read a post like yours and give thinks that their oh doesn't mind the extra four stone you've piled on 25 years and loves you just the same.

He's not a keeper, dump his ass and do it in some disparaging way, I can't be with you now you're losing your hair or some shit like that. Hits him where it hurts, his image!

[bastardkitty]

You are so right there Lulu

[rollingonariver]

Well done for sticking up for yourself and being strong op. You’ll find a man who isn’t a rat.
I just have to second what others have said too, what happens when you have a baby and can’t shift the weight because you’re looking after a freaking baby ? I have friends who’s partners bully them for being ‘fat’ (a size 12) just after they’ve had a baby. It’s stressful enough without a man like that and what about when you get old or have an accident which makes you ‘less attractive’. You don’t need the extra stress of worrying he’s going to leave you 😊

[Sevendown]

What a horrible man!

Ditch
Ditch
Ditch

[Joysmum]

How about you make some predictions as to his next moves.

Writing them down will make you prepared and prove in your own mind he’s a predictable manipulative nasty piece of work.

[yousignup]

OP please leave him. My husband calls me a fat ugly bitch every time he gets drunk. It's awful. He doesn't deserve me and you could do so much better.