Am I Overreacting?

[Lulutiger1]

Long term poster on here who has name changed for this as family members use this site and don't want them to twig it's me.

I've been with my OH for a year and we don't live together (don't have any kids or anything like that either).

When we first got together he was very hot and cold. He ended things a few times in the first 3 months but always said he'd made a mistake and wanted me back.

We haven't split up for 9 months now and seem to be in a much happier place and have been discussing me moving in with him.

That was, until last night!

I questioned him about why he used to finish with me a lot and he eventually admitted it was because I was bigger than what he normally found attractive. I was a size 14-16 then but I'm tall and have always been toned. I just had really wide hips and bum etc. I asked him if he'd thought I was fat and his response was "you know you were but you've lost some weight since then so it's all good".

I'm now a size 12 and he makes little remarks here and there like "when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"
Or
"You're going to look amazing once you lose more weight".

I don't really know how to take this - do you think he's just being honest and it's not a big deal, or do you think he's really out of order?
I was very upset when he told me last night as it's not nice to hear that someone you love has thought negative thoughts about the way you look and tried to split up with you multiple times over it. Maybe I'm just being insecure though.

Thoughts please x

[Lulutiger1]

I'm 4 years younger. I'm late 20s and he's early 30s

[inlectorecumbit]

Ask him if he could add some length and volume to his dick !!!

[Dovetailed]

Erm...since when is going from a size 16 to a 12 a "four size weight loss"? Clearly I know nothing about womens clothes sizes.

Anyway OP, you deserve better. A healthy relationship shouldn't make you feel insecure. It'll only get worse as the years go by.

[GreatStar]

Not just your weight but your nails and hair too?

Ffs what?????

Why are you actually with him?
Im genuinely asking here .... why are you with him?

[Bonez]

Jesus Christ what's he going to be like if you get pregnant?

[LittleMyLikesSnuffkin]

All these exes of his.... wonder why those relationships broke down 🤔 Could it be because they saw the light as you have, and realised what a loser he is?

[Lulutiger1]

I know it sounds totally naive and I normally want to scream when I read similar posts on here - but we genuinely do have a good time together when he's not saying these things. But I also accept that I'm clinging onto him too as I'm suffering quite badly from anxiety at the moment and can't bear the thought of going through a break up. Pathetic, I know!

[Lulutiger1]

He did actually once say most of his ex's have been the ones to split up with him. I get the impression he wasn't very nice to his last gf as he's told me about how she gained lots of weight during their relationship

[category12]

Yeah and the anxiety can't be anything to do with being with someone who criticises you all the time and makes out it's all you.

[Crowdo]

He doesn't love you, OP. I'm sorry to say it, but it's obvious. I've been in a similar situation with someone who thought I wasn't quite right the way I was.

Mark my words, if you don't leave him, he'll leave you. You're on a trip to heartbreak here.

[GreatStar]

Why's he with you

He isn't happy with

• your weight
  
• your nails
  
• your hair
  
• your sex life
  
• your reactions when he puts you down
  

Oh yeah but then again he's getting away with belittling you, putting you down, comparing you to ex's, and trying to rob you of your own worth.

Please please please tell me you're at the point of realising he has NOTHING and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING of any value to offer you.

[RoganJosh]

So he says "when you lose another stone I'll take you away on holiday"
Or
"You're going to look amazing once you lose more weight".

Even though you’ve lost most of the weight through being ill?

[troodiedoo]

Gosh he sounds horrific. Strongly urge you to leave him.

You deserve so much better.

[dingodon]

Yabu - if you choose to stay with this Muppet. Maybe he can grow a few inches on his dick cos right now he ain’t satisfying you at all or maybe his technique could do with improvement? No in that case fuck off - him - not you:)

[HotDamnState]

He sounds utterly charmless, and thats putting it nicely.

Get your self respect back and dump this loser.

[TammySwansonTwo]

He's a grade a cunt. His behaviour has two purposes - wears you down until you think no one else will want you, and "motivates" you to turn yourself into his perfect woman. Fuck that for a bag of chips.

I'd never be with a man like this, ever. My weight has gone dramatically up and down in the last ten years due to illness, a wide variety of hormone treatments and a twin pregnancy. My body is very different now to before i had my twins and I doubt that will ever change. I could not be with someone who made me anxious every time I gained a couple of pounds, got bloated or got pregnant.

He will give you a complex at best. At worst, self loathing, no self esteem, possibly more severe problems like disordered eating.

Get away from this guy, seriously!

[bastardkitty]

Your anxiety will improve or disappear when you end this relationship. I think a lot of posters on your thread know that this is exactly how an abusive relationship starts and are screaming at you to end it. You listen far too much to what he has to say and far too little to yourself. Do you have low self-esteem? People like him sniff it out and break you.

[GreatStar]

Your anxiety is going to be worse with him because he's chipping away at you

Get rid. Concentrate on yourself and what makes you feel absolutely fabulous. Book a holiday (not with him )and enjoy your life without some dude bringing you down

[yummyeclair]

A partner should accept you unconditionally - no matter how your weight fluctuates . Otherwise you will always feel he might change his opinion anytime which is too stressful

[TwitterQueen1]

68 posts and counting OP. All saying the same thing. Here's the 69th.

This relationship is causing your anxiety because your partner is demeaning and diminishing you with every breath.

[TwitterQueen1]

I can count, honestly! the other posts just snuck in when I was writing.

[TammySwansonTwo]

Hmm. Weight. Long nails. Voluminous hair...

Any chance he watches a lot of porn?

[Lulutiger1]

@rogan I've lost about 2.5 stone but he still wants me to lose more as he said his ideal is a size 8-10

And yes I have very low self esteem. I like my face but have a major complex about my figure now.

[chevrechevre]

You use quite negative language about yourself OP. “Naive” and “pathetic”. You’re not either of those things, you have been very astute about the situation but clearly aren’t ready to finish things. Are you getting support for your anxiety? Do you have therapy?

While a break-up would be hard, he is already preying on your vulnerability and adding to your anxiety. This will only get worse. Don’t move in with him, at least.

Do you have family and friends you can spend time with, activities you do that make you feel good? The higher your self-esteem the easier it will be to move on from him, or if you aren’t ready to do that at least to defend your sense of self from his attacks.

[HundredMilesAnHour]

Staying in this relationship will only make your anxiety worse. Did you suffer from anxiety before you met him? Has it got worse since being with him?

I am appalled that this sorry excuse for man is treating you this way OP. No amount of "having a good time together" makes up for this emotional abuse. Because that's what it is. Emotional abuse. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave him as he continues to grind you down.

However, if you're not ready to leave him (it sound like you've realised he's a douche but aren't ready to leave yet) turn this round on him. Next time he says "your hair's so fine, you should get extensions" or similar, give him some of his own treatment back with "while we're on the subject of physical appearance, I think you should start doing weight training as you're really skinny and my ex was much more muscular than you. I find muscular men so much more attractive. If you build some muscles, I'll take you on holiday". And see how he bloody likes it!