I have cheated on my DH

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

I want to be as quick and non identifying as possible, but it's hard. Need to get facts down, I just want someone to know.
My DH and I are both late 20s, and got married earlier this year. We lived apart before marriage, so I moved into his rented house in a different city, and country - technically! I am still working from home for my old company which is great money wise, but meant that I was also keen to reach out and find some friends in the area.
Oh, I'm also a recovering alcoholic so go to AA meetings. Anyway I used the app Bumble, but only the friend option, and met some lovely woman in the area. My DH is not into me going out loads, and thinks we should do way more as a couple. He is also very serious about his religion.

Anyway, out of interest I went onto the dating section and was blown away by the attention from guys (loser that I am). Especially one guy. We met up and snogged, I didn't say I was married. Then we had sex and I din't tell him I was married. Then the guilt got too much and I told him. I fancy him so damn much, and compartmentalise totally when I'm with him or DH. He agreed to keep seeing me after finding out - same age as me, very different ideas about life.

So. I sometimes lie and get away from my husband and fuck another man, after less than a year of marriage. Oh, and we just bought a house.

I am awful I know that, but I feel so numb to it. I feel very lost.

[Mxyzptlk]

Is there anything actually wrong with your marriage and your life with your husband?
Is it possible that you feel you don't deserve to have a good, respectable man so you are sabotaging yourself?

I'm glad you realise tho OM isn't for keeps. Please try to stop the affair with him. He's not helping you; he's dragging you backwards.

[LimpidPools]

I feel for you OP.

I think there's a happier end to your journey yet.

Do you love your husband? Do you enjoy sex with him? (Emotionally, not whether it scratches a physical itch)

I suspect that (different church not withstanding) he was familiar and safe.

That clearly isn't going to cut it though.

[TatianaLarina]

I think you just got married too young to the wrong person. Who the hell wants a husband who’s controlling and doesn’t like you going out? I also couldn’t cope with seriousness about religion unless I was the same.

I think you’re affair is your way of trying to get out of it without admitting to yourself that’s what you really want.

I think you need to get shot of your husband, distance yourself from your upbringing, and figure out who you are without alcohol.

You’re still young and you’ve got plenty of time to figure this out.

[TatianaLarina]

*your affair

Also - if you have a job you can leave, put the house on the market and find a room in houseshare somewhere.

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

Thanks for being kind, I don't deserve it. I enjoy sex with my husband to a point, but definitely want more than he does, and rougher. Sorry for all the gory details