I have cheated on my DH

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

I want to be as quick and non identifying as possible, but it's hard. Need to get facts down, I just want someone to know.
My DH and I are both late 20s, and got married earlier this year. We lived apart before marriage, so I moved into his rented house in a different city, and country - technically! I am still working from home for my old company which is great money wise, but meant that I was also keen to reach out and find some friends in the area.
Oh, I'm also a recovering alcoholic so go to AA meetings. Anyway I used the app Bumble, but only the friend option, and met some lovely woman in the area. My DH is not into me going out loads, and thinks we should do way more as a couple. He is also very serious about his religion.

Anyway, out of interest I went onto the dating section and was blown away by the attention from guys (loser that I am). Especially one guy. We met up and snogged, I didn't say I was married. Then we had sex and I din't tell him I was married. Then the guilt got too much and I told him. I fancy him so damn much, and compartmentalise totally when I'm with him or DH. He agreed to keep seeing me after finding out - same age as me, very different ideas about life.

So. I sometimes lie and get away from my husband and fuck another man, after less than a year of marriage. Oh, and we just bought a house.

I am awful I know that, but I feel so numb to it. I feel very lost.

I hope you find your happiness soon just try not to hurt anyone along the way

Unfortunately it's too late for her FH to not get hurt though.

*DH

Words like "sick" and "disgusting" are usually affiliated with murder and such.

No much stronger words are used for murder and such tbh.

I appreciate that I am pretty disgusting right now

I think it’s yourself you need to sort out first. I think the addiction and dependency on alcohol/drugs is at the centre of it, and you describing as feeling ‘high’ when you’re with this OM would suggest you are using the affair as a sort of drug. I really recommend you make an appointment with an Addictions Councillor.
Your husband doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. You absolutely can’t have a long term marriage and bring children into this situation.
I hope you manage to sort your own demons out and can make the best choices all round. Good luck.

Affair Addiction

brainworldmagazine.com/the-neuroscience-of-infidelity-flame-addiction/

I think your religious DH offered you stable foundations and you went for it but in some ways, this can be alien and we feel more familiar in our previous chaos? Google 'Chaos Kids'. Maybe this is why you've kind of stepped back into (affair) addiction? The only way I see this having a happy ending is to ween off the affair addiction and invest in your relationship. Do you fancy your DH?

I'm telling you how I feel about what she said so if I want to use the words sick and disgusting then I will.

I find it fairly sick and disgusting that when someone is in need of support and help that others feel the need to leave unsupportive and hostile comments. Just walk on by if you cant be helpful. Mental health is serious and real.

Why do you feel this desire to tell someone? I for one am not interested.

All I can say is that you are making a right royal mess of things; and your marriage is a sham.

Hardly mental health because she can't keep her legs shut and using every excuse under the sun. Lol

I find it fairly sick and disgusting that when someone is in need of support and help that others feel the need to leave unsupportive and hostile comments.

Being supportive doesn't mean agreeing with someone's actions.

I didn't say that you couldn't use those words *everyone.
*
It just interests me, that's all.

Ooh everyone, that's a bit much surely. This is every bit to do with mental health!

I always try to communicate on here like I would in RL but I think sometimes people forget to do that

Do you have an AA sponsor op? If you're smoking weed then your sobriety is at huge risk. Can you get yourself to a meeting? Behavior like this is far from uncommon in early recovery.

Just came on to say I'm rooting for you, OP. Sound advice on here. Also, I've pm'ed you.

What do you want us to say?

Sounds like you're boasting to me...

Leave him so he has a chance of finding someone with a semblance of morals.

OP isn't boasting from what I can see. Life isn't clear cut; black and white. It's full of grey and complexities and situations that require context and insight and understanding. If it's as simple as just calling people out on their behaviour, why is infidelity happening every second of the day to so many people? It's too easy to take that line. I prefer to try and understand and help people create change, that's how you make progress in my opinion. And have you never ever in your life done sometime you feel ashamed of???? I doubt it... Very brave to be vulnerable on here...

I'm certainly not boasting. My word

How are you doing OP?

Hello! Thanks for asking. I've been prescribed antidepressants, and am still seeing OM occasionally. Not good. Bit I'm glad I have the medication for an even keel

So he helped you through your addiction and you cheat on him .Classy

Your husband deserves better.

He didn't help me through my addiction

I mean, he was kind, but he didn't really believe it was as bad as it was. Anyway.