I have cheated on my DH

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

I want to be as quick and non identifying as possible, but it's hard. Need to get facts down, I just want someone to know.
My DH and I are both late 20s, and got married earlier this year. We lived apart before marriage, so I moved into his rented house in a different city, and country - technically! I am still working from home for my old company which is great money wise, but meant that I was also keen to reach out and find some friends in the area.
Oh, I'm also a recovering alcoholic so go to AA meetings. Anyway I used the app Bumble, but only the friend option, and met some lovely woman in the area. My DH is not into me going out loads, and thinks we should do way more as a couple. He is also very serious about his religion.

Anyway, out of interest I went onto the dating section and was blown away by the attention from guys (loser that I am). Especially one guy. We met up and snogged, I didn't say I was married. Then we had sex and I din't tell him I was married. Then the guilt got too much and I told him. I fancy him so damn much, and compartmentalise totally when I'm with him or DH. He agreed to keep seeing me after finding out - same age as me, very different ideas about life.

So. I sometimes lie and get away from my husband and fuck another man, after less than a year of marriage. Oh, and we just bought a house.

I am awful I know that, but I feel so numb to it. I feel very lost.

I'm not judging you, shit happens but you need todo something I'm sure you know this cant continue forever. Why would your parents not take you in? Even if you didn't tell them the reason for leaving?

You can’t possibly love your husband if you are actively choosing to have sex with someone who doesn’t like him...

Just take a moment to think OM is laughing at your husband. Shagging his wife. I imagine he has very few feelings for you, he just enjoys having one up on your husband.

You wouldn’t do that to someone you love!

LEAVE HIM!

I know it can't continue forever. I'm so sad about that which is awful - our plan is to leave early next year

He doesn't laugh at my husband, they just have very different ideas about religion. They barely know each other, so that's not the case.

The not liking him aspect is very strange though.

Find a shred of decency and leave your husband and tell him precisely why. That you've cheated on him, not a one-off occasion. That he deserves better. That he should get himself checked (we tell women whose husbands have cheated that, don't see why it should be different). Then get some serious therapy. Then some self respect. Then don't pull this shit on any other poor sod. Oh and stop trying to justify your awful behaviour.

Am I justifying it? I'm just saying I'm unhappy, which is true. And addiction swapping is also true.

You mean you plan to leave with the other man? To be honest I think the best thing you could do would be to leave both of them and work on yourself (I know that's easier said that done) it sounds like you have a lot of issues you need to work through and it sounds like your swapping one flawed relationship for another. It sounds like the religious aspect plays a big part in this and stopping you getting support. Is there anyone else you could turn to? Cousins? Friends? Siblings? Are you able to save any money? Do you work?

I was kicked out of the church I was brought up in for...the sin of going to another church. So lost people then. My family would love and support me, but would also be absolutely disgusted and I don't think I'd see much of them (all still in the old, scary church.) I earn a bit. Applying for other jobs.

I do have some very good friends. Right now I want the other man desperately, but recognise the addiction

You plan to leave with the OM next year?! So what's the difference in not telling your husband then? As you're going to hurt him either way

I thought you were going to be ripped to shreds even more on here.

I think you've been brave to face up to some painful stuff on here.

When you said your childhood was weird, what do you mean out of interest?

No, I plan to move with my husband next year! The OM is not someone to leave with, much as I crave him

So you are

A) having sex with someone who doesn't like your husband and

B) taking drugs with this man

OP, this is not going to end well

Thank you for saying I'm brave, though I'm not! My childhood was very sheltered and I wasn't allowed to socialise with people 'outside'. No wonder I became a full blown alcoholic when I reached uni - I was utterly unprepared for so many things

A childhood doesn't have to be obviously abusive to cause us harm or damage later on. I do agree that you have some addictive tendencies, sounds like you are trying to kill some pain. In the meantime, try to be kind to yourself and definitely get some psychotherapy if you can afford it. And at some point it would be healing and helpful for you and your husband if you can be honest with him

Do you think hubby will want to work through this if he knew? Maybe if he does do counciling together could help.

Leave to where? I thought you'd just bought a house? Sorry I'm a bit confused.. Are you sure they would be disgusted? It really sounds like you need someone to talk to about all this. Could you see your gp even?

A house in Scotland. I'm absolutely positive they would be disgusted if they knew I'd been unfaithful.

I just sometimes feel like I can't get through a day unless I have something - and I have nothing but the OM and some occasional weed right now. GP on Mon :)

You sound horribly selfish and immature. Leave your husband or if you want your marriage to work (which it doesn’t sound like) show him a shred of respect and tell him what you’ve being doing before he hears it from someone else or the OM who ‘dislikes him slightly’. And grow up.

Ok so what emotion do you think you experience to lead you to the point where you seek something to take it away?

Not feeling right in this world, I just don't fit - and substances made me feel soo good because suddenly I was given relief

I am horribly selfish and immature

Have you tried taking up a hobbey. I know it sounds stupid but i suffer from depression and other bits so i started sewing. I love it and i get to wear my stuff. Its also moved in to gardening and now diy. Plus baking. Im going through a bad spell at present and talking seems to be helping. I hope this has been helpful