I have cheated on my DH

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

I want to be as quick and non identifying as possible, but it's hard. Need to get facts down, I just want someone to know.
My DH and I are both late 20s, and got married earlier this year. We lived apart before marriage, so I moved into his rented house in a different city, and country - technically! I am still working from home for my old company which is great money wise, but meant that I was also keen to reach out and find some friends in the area.
Oh, I'm also a recovering alcoholic so go to AA meetings. Anyway I used the app Bumble, but only the friend option, and met some lovely woman in the area. My DH is not into me going out loads, and thinks we should do way more as a couple. He is also very serious about his religion.

Anyway, out of interest I went onto the dating section and was blown away by the attention from guys (loser that I am). Especially one guy. We met up and snogged, I didn't say I was married. Then we had sex and I din't tell him I was married. Then the guilt got too much and I told him. I fancy him so damn much, and compartmentalise totally when I'm with him or DH. He agreed to keep seeing me after finding out - same age as me, very different ideas about life.

So. I sometimes lie and get away from my husband and fuck another man, after less than a year of marriage. Oh, and we just bought a house.

I am awful I know that, but I feel so numb to it. I feel very lost.

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

Thanks for being kind, I don't deserve it. I enjoy sex with my husband to a point, but definitely want more than he does, and rougher. Sorry for all the gory details

[TatianaLarina]

*your affair

Also - if you have a job you can leave, put the house on the market and find a room in houseshare somewhere.

[TatianaLarina]

I think you just got married too young to the wrong person. Who the hell wants a husband who’s controlling and doesn’t like you going out? I also couldn’t cope with seriousness about religion unless I was the same.

I think you’re affair is your way of trying to get out of it without admitting to yourself that’s what you really want.

I think you need to get shot of your husband, distance yourself from your upbringing, and figure out who you are without alcohol.

You’re still young and you’ve got plenty of time to figure this out.

[LimpidPools]

I feel for you OP.

I think there's a happier end to your journey yet.

Do you love your husband? Do you enjoy sex with him? (Emotionally, not whether it scratches a physical itch)

I suspect that (different church not withstanding) he was familiar and safe.

That clearly isn't going to cut it though.

[Mxyzptlk]

Is there anything actually wrong with your marriage and your life with your husband?
Is it possible that you feel you don't deserve to have a good, respectable man so you are sabotaging yourself?

I'm glad you realise tho OM isn't for keeps. Please try to stop the affair with him. He's not helping you; he's dragging you backwards.

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

I mean, he was kind, but he didn't really believe it was as bad as it was. Anyway.

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

He didn't help me through my addiction

[janaus]

Your husband deserves better.

[ferando81]

So he helped you through your addiction and you cheat on him .Classy

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

Hello! Thanks for asking. I've been prescribed antidepressants, and am still seeing OM occasionally. Not good. Bit I'm glad I have the medication for an even keel

[MINEareCRAFTy]

How are you doing OP?

[AutumnalMelancholyCat]

I'm certainly not boasting. My word

[MINEareCRAFTy]

OP isn't boasting from what I can see. Life isn't clear cut; black and white. It's full of grey and complexities and situations that require context and insight and understanding. If it's as simple as just calling people out on their behaviour, why is infidelity happening every second of the day to so many people? It's too easy to take that line. I prefer to try and understand and help people create change, that's how you make progress in my opinion. And have you never ever in your life done sometime you feel ashamed of???? I doubt it... Very brave to be vulnerable on here...

[InThisTogether]

What do you want us to say?

Sounds like you're boasting to me...

Leave him so he has a chance of finding someone with a semblance of morals.

[AKingdomForACarrotstick]

Just came on to say I'm rooting for you, OP. Sound advice on here. Also, I've pm'ed you.

[MrsFring]

Do you have an AA sponsor op? If you're smoking weed then your sobriety is at huge risk. Can you get yourself to a meeting? Behavior like this is far from uncommon in early recovery.

[MINEareCRAFTy]

Ooh everyone, that's a bit much surely. This is every bit to do with mental health!

I always try to communicate on here like I would in RL but I think sometimes people forget to do that

[MINEareCRAFTy]

I didn't say that you couldn't use those words *everyone.
*
It just interests me, that's all.

[WitchesHatRim]

I find it fairly sick and disgusting that when someone is in need of support and help that others feel the need to leave unsupportive and hostile comments.

Being supportive doesn't mean agreeing with someone's actions.

[everyonehasissues]

Hardly mental health because she can't keep her legs shut and using every excuse under the sun. Lol

[Mishappening]

Why do you feel this desire to tell someone? I for one am not interested.

All I can say is that you are making a right royal mess of things; and your marriage is a sham.

[Cabininthewoods69]

I find it fairly sick and disgusting that when someone is in need of support and help that others feel the need to leave unsupportive and hostile comments. Just walk on by if you cant be helpful. Mental health is serious and real.

[everyonehasissues]

I'm telling you how I feel about what she said so if I want to use the words sick and disgusting then I will.

[BackInTheRoom]

I think your religious DH offered you stable foundations and you went for it but in some ways, this can be alien and we feel more familiar in our previous chaos? Google 'Chaos Kids'. Maybe this is why you've kind of stepped back into (affair) addiction? The only way I see this having a happy ending is to ween off the affair addiction and invest in your relationship. Do you fancy your DH?

[BackInTheRoom]

Affair Addiction

brainworldmagazine.com/the-neuroscience-of-infidelity-flame-addiction/