The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Braving The Wine Witch & Her Alcohol Free Autumn

[Mouseface]

Hello

I’m Mouse one of the Brave Babes who ride on this wonderful Bus, called Gerald, along with all the Opal Fruits wrappers and of course Barry The squid.

We all have a wise variety of life experiences and experiences with alcohol too. We’re not admirers of hang overs and we certainly don’t do judgey pants!

We’re here to ride along with you, when life is pants but also when it’s not as well and you my want to celebrate that bit too much!

So find a seat and come take a ride. I’ll link the previous and also the very first link and the reason we’re all here.

*Mouse

This has been my 13th day without alcohol. I'm not a social -party- fun time drinker (used to be, many years ago).... I'm a "I need a glass of wine!!" Type drinker...drink very much by myself...
I feel absent without it. Like a part of me is missing..
just can't stop bloody crying!!! What is wrong with me?!

Bee I felt exactly as you're feeling when I stopped drinking. I spent years drinking at the end of the day (at lunchtime, after the school run, at weekends, at every get together etc) When I stopped drinking it became raw - all my emotions, unhappiness, my everyday life, my whole being came crashing straight at me. I realise now that I was using alcohol to mask everything - a stressful day, ahhhh nice cold glass (always a bottle, usually 2) my shitty no good partner/relationship (DD's dad, was with him for 20 years) my unhappiness with who I'd become, moving away from London and feeling really lonely, my list goes on and on. I had to face my life and get to know who I am without booze. It's an emotional roller coaster but I promise you it does get easier. Booze is a crutch for so many of us, it's a habit, it's our 'go to'. Please be rest assured you will come out to the other side. You are doing amazingly well 13 days is brilliant and you will have many 'lightbulb' moments about your life. Try to write stuff down, how you're feeling, why you think you feel like that, what makes you happy, what you would really like to be doing with your time, etc I hope this helps - it's a tough journey, it's like discovering a 'new you'. Be kind to yourself, we all know it's not easy. You may decide that you want to make some changes in your life. Take one day at a time. We're all here to support you

Thank you so much for responding. The kindness and honesty of strangers...is just overwhelming. More wet eyes I do thank you for your encouragement spanna. I'm scared of what's to come. I find it hard to make progress. I just started seeing a counsellor about 6 weeks ago for similar reasons....I seem to be in a cycle of behaviour that is both self limiting and comforting at the same time. Recurrent depression, suicidal thoughts, all whilst very much "coping" on the outside. Feel very unsupported by my dh even though he is a good man and a lovely Daddy to our boys. Just very critical of me and tremendously encouraging. My counsellor has been trying to help me with my self esteem and feelings of self worth - zero mostly . Thank you for listening.
I feel utterly bare, lonely, isolated and like you say, raw.
Sorry to be so negative and selfcentred.xxxx I do appreciate there are babe's on the bus with much more complex and difficult situations they are facing g right now, yourself included spanna xxxx

How long have you been Not Drinking spanna if you don't mind me asking?

Bee sending you big hugs. When I have stopped drinking in the past sometimes it has made me tearful and babes on here have been really helpful at suggesting displacement activities - a bath, a book, meditation, exercise, just eating lots of sugar (as alcohol is very sugary so when you stop drinking your blood sugar levels won't be the same) - experiment and find out what helps you. But yes it is bloody hard, and I think you are doing brilliantly and will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. Keep posting on here xxx

Spanna - sorry about the fire service job. I bloody hate job interviews, the whole thing is so stressful. Hoping you find a fab new job soon.(Also, I didn't know you were an AC/DC fan!) And thanks for being my shoe guru. I should take a look at the Fitflop website, though have just splurged on some Adidas Gazelles in their Black Friday sale (have a friend who gets another 30% off as staff discount too) so am trying to be good. The fitflop boots you spotted for me at less than half price a couple of years ago are still going strong, though. I wear them all the time, they are sooooo comfy. DD now has the same size feet but she's not having them.

Mint I love your snow message for Spanna. It made me giggle thinking of you heading out into the garden to draw that! And imagining the puzzled faces of your neighbours as they draw the curtains and look out of the upstairs windows at the snow in the gardens.

Hello Dutch, and welcome Ginger, and well done to Margie, Saywhen for your impressive stretches of abstinence! Smock of Smug to be shared around tonight I think (or are we going to need more smocks?)

Sweet I also have a party on 20th (among many). Bought a stretchy dress from Tesco - boom! Though have lost weight recently - I'm another gym goer. In fact, the gym is my weapon in the war against the wine witch. We can cheer each other on. Have been going again since the end of March (when I was really, ridiculously overweight for me) and going seriously for the past 5 months and VERY seriously for the past 5 weeks (read obsessive). I think I am just an all or nothing person - whether it is alcohol, food, work or exercise, I don't moderate well. So suppose the healthy habits are the ones to concentrate on. Though still know I'm going to struggle in December.

Ma I do admire you being able to stop at 2 glasses without a struggle. I can do so but it requires a huge effort of will. Also in awe of your driving skills - I panic in blizzards and wouldn't know what the hell to do with a compass.

Waves to Beaches, Slings, Venus, Razorboy and anyone else I have missed. And as ever, for MsHoolies - thinking of you and hoping life is getting a little easier. And that your horrible husband gets struck by an anvil in a freak cartoon-style accident sponsored by the Acme Corporation (showing age here!)

sorry mean to say my dh was not* tremendously encouraging. In fact, actively goes out of his way at times to just say the shittiest, most hurtful things to me he can.

Bee please don't worry about talking about how you're feeling and what you're feeling, there will always be Babes that are having it tougher and Babes that are doing ok, we are all important and all of our lives and experiences matter. We're here to support each other, whatever's going on. It's good that you're seeing a councillor. That's really positive

After realising that I couldn't moderate (tried loads of times) and many attempts at stopping, I've not had a drink for 2.5 years I was a functioning lush for years!

Please keep posting and reading, it helps to read other babes journeys and how it was, is for them. I'm going to Zzzzzz now. Have a look at an app on your phone called Headspace, you can do a free trial for a month, it's a meditative/ relaxation app it helps to relax and switch off the constant voice in the brain. Sleep well Bee xxxx

Bee offering another hug to you. It is a loss and a change not to have that reliable numbness to turn to, whatever is going on in our lives, if that is our means of support then it is stark to be without it. I am only on day 15 —not for the first time— and have struggled today too. I thought I must be hormonal, which I probably am, but your post and Spanna’s wonderful response (you always know just what to say x) made me think that maybe I am being faced with feelings I usually run from. It is uncomfortable to say the least and my usual response is the one I am trying to resist. It sounds as though you are having a really sensitive and vulnerable day, this is really hard to deal with for any of us. I truly hope you get a decent nights sleep and wake up with a renewed energy. One day at a time x

There are so many positives to not drinking, I feel a list coming on but it will have to wait until tomorrow now
Night lovely babes xx

dutch yes I think I do because I find it so hard to be AF and that makes it more than a habit. And sometimes its not just 2glasses, its the whole bottle, several times a week. My brother is an alcoholic and I have seen first hand what this stuff can do. I have cut it down from when it was a bottle a night, every night...

Hi babes - hope everyone's having a nice evening - looking forward to Blue Planet later!
I've had a busy weekend - child free! So went out in London with some friends which previously has been very messy...... I did drink, but I wasn't drunk which I feel quite pleased with myself about but then feel guilty in the same measure because I didn't abstain altogether..... anyway, one of the friends with us had a chat with me in the summer about my drinking saying she was concerned etc however on numerous occasions- including last night - she has been incapable of functioning the next day which I never have - I can honestly say I have been ill with alcohol twice in my life and both times I would 100% say my drinks have been spiked. I'm not trying to excuse myself at all - I know I have a problem and I'm trying my best to sort it out but I do feel a bit of a niggle that someone else who is more obviously affected has said something to me. I'm just being that typical defensive alcoholic aren't I?

Doris Nah if anyone criticises me about anything I get defensive, none of my lot would dare tell me that I drink too much Same as you I rarely got a hangover (unless I went all out on a serious mixture of drinks) I reckon it's coz I was just topping up every day from the night before, the alcohol probably never had a chance to leave my blood system Oh yes Blue Planet followed by Celebrity that's my evening ahead sooo rock n roll

Hope oh yes me love a bit of AC/DC me it's a wide range of music for me. I was crying to Abba this morning (one of their songs really reminds me of my dad) then I romanticise about Mama mia (film) then I remember Pierce Brosnan's god awful singing!!! How's your weekend panned out lovely, been to that gym? Adidas Gazelles you say (off to have a nose at them, completely out of my price range no doubt!!)

Bee how you doing babe?

Beaches Day 16 today YAY I hope you've managed to keep distracted - move away from that red wine sunflower, you'll only regret it in the morning x

Loads of driving today managed to negotiate dark country lanes from Kent back to Sussex, hate it! All done, knackered, and I've got shitting work tomorrow Urgh

How's everyone doing?

bee i so relate to so much of what you said. I have young children who are so amazing but I am also really exhausted. One who is preschool age wakes very frequently. So I am not drinking but I don't feel well I feel exhausted, really hoped I'd feel good. It will happen- for us both.

Have you listened to the bubble hour? I'm really enjoying. I have needed to break down my image of alcohol and drinking and doing something sober related every day works for me today. It's got me thinking about saying no to people - trying to protect myself a bit better.

Hope thank you very much for the congratulations!! Day 23 af.

Slipped in the mud today whilst running stopped and took it easy. Really hope I'm not injured I need to run.

spanna I'll be joining you for some I'm a celebrity!!

I think my relationship needs to end. I think I've been drinking to numb myself to the hurt I'll feel. We split up last summer because of his awful behaviour but I took him back. He's continued to disrespect my boundaries and I think I'm using alcohol to hide from the awful truth that much as I love him, he's a selfish git. I'm really low. Calling my gp tomorrow for help.

what's the bubble hour?

player.fm/series/the-bubble-hour
Hope this works 😀

hey up ladies from the back of the bus were I've been lurking. tis me with the addict son, in case you forgot.

anyhow, have done 9 days AF,, using tonic water, coconut water and pomegranate juice as my go too....and I. FEEL. OK. Exh came round for dinner as his oven had broke (sigh) and bought fecking 2 BOTTLES of wine, did i drink it, you ask?? nope!

silly son decided to take 20 tramadol for a hit last night, but he's still here tonight as i write
last time, and i kid you not, in the summer, he took 40. FORTY TRAMADOL I had to call an ambulance as he had a fit which scared me to death and blow me after half an hour he was fine, he refused to get in the ambulance, he refused all paramedic treatment and was completely compus mentus for the rest of the day.
why do I drink wine at the end of the day. To just say 'well done me, you got through another day of shit'

It is only a matter of time and i am living by the day. Tick Tock.

Hello to everyone else on this bloody great bus. And I just want to say,

Why on earth was Sue matched to AB on strictly? and i still don't believe blue planet is true and doesn't Ant look well???

Evening all just wanted to pop on to say sorry to spanna that the work shittness continues. You simply don't deserve it

And huge congrats to margie on your 100 days!! And for being so open with your friends. You are amazing!

I'm still lurking, mainly in the side car, but managed a little run of three days af this week and again tonight, so I guess that's an improvement on the last few months. Heading into December and the run up to Christmas is not a good time for me (and probably lots of others)...would quite like to go to bed now and wake up in January!

@SofaKing0101 that tramadol thing sounds terrifying. Yes to the wine at the end of the day/congratulations thingy. My days merge into one and wine is effectively the only fuzzy thing in them. I am being self indulgent and melodramatic but you know what I mean?

of course I do ginger, sometimes self indulgence a good good thing.

Sometimes it's all we have.

Hi bus.

I think I need to confess I need to stop drinking entirely.

I don't know if I can moderate. I am drinking less, that's true but last night I was drunk. I was in a better way than DH who wouldn't go to bed until I ordered him a curry but I got up today at 3pm! This is disgraceful. I have a child to look after.

DH fed DC and then a friend came round and we went out for tea. I have now had about 6 glasses of wine. My stomach is making awful noises. This has to stop. I will kill myself with drink if it doesn't. My nanna was an alcoholic and she drank a bottle of gin every day. She died at 53.

I can't carry on like this. AF days have shown me I am so much better than this.

C'mon Razor, up the back with me for tonight ...it's late. Cuddle up in the mohair blanket someone gave to me - i shan't breathe over you as I've had a fag.

Tomorrow is another day, bite the bullet, start again. x

Goodnight

sofa congratulations on 9 days! I can’t imagine coping with an addict son, living on a knife edge not knowing what he will do next. 40 tramadol sounds like enough to stop a herd of elephants . It’s pretty eye opening what a body can cope with.

razor I second sofa’s advice, tomorrow is a new day.

Elba hello you! Christmas can be such a difficult period, all that intense pressure to be joyous and part of the perfect family. It’s not reality for so many. Anyway good to have you back on the bus x

spanna good luck at work tomorrow sweet pea. Tits out, tummy in and attitude on xx

Hope acme corporation! Beep beep. That is all.

mshoolie thinking of you.

Waves to saywhen, doris, genius, ma, bee,guggs margie and all other bus goers

Ok, I've seen this thread loads of times and haven't been brave enough to message.

I'm going to post now. I need help.

Welcome Sleep, you’ve jumped on the night bus and most of the babes are asleep but make yourself comfortable, you are in the right place for help and support. There is not much you can say that will shock anyone and you will probably find many of us have felt/do feel like you do now.

I am in Canada so stay up a bit later than most but I am on my way to bed now too. Sleep tight and come back and post tomorrow x

Welcome sleep keep posting.

razor I can't moderate I've tried many times. I feel overwhelmed by forever so just a day at a time.

ma it's an American podcasts - women who have stopped drinking. They all refer to themselves as alcoholics which jars a bit as I don't call myself that. (I just can't stop if I start......) but it gets me thinking differently which I need.

Have a good day all!

Day 24 af