The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Braving The Wine Witch & Her Alcohol Free Autumn

[Mouseface]

Hello

I’m Mouse one of the Brave Babes who ride on this wonderful Bus, called Gerald, along with all the Opal Fruits wrappers and of course Barry The squid.

We all have a wise variety of life experiences and experiences with alcohol too. We’re not admirers of hang overs and we certainly don’t do judgey pants!

We’re here to ride along with you, when life is pants but also when it’s not as well and you my want to celebrate that bit too much!

So find a seat and come take a ride. I’ll link the previous and also the very first link and the reason we’re all here.

*Mouse

Morning Babes!

Elba, thanks for remembering lovely friend. Run up to Christmas is horrendous, I agree. RSVP carefully, don’t go to things you don’t want to go to, get a good box-set and some herbal teas for some cosy nights at home on the sofa. That’s my plan anyway!

Sleep, tell us your story, no-one will judge and there is so much practical help and warm support here.

Razor, I came to the same conclusion as you, for me trying to moderate is a head fuck, it’s actually much easier to give up altogether. You can do it, you sound determined and ready.

Bee, I think that when we stop drinking we go through a period of mourning/grieving for the “friend” we think we’ve lost, for our crutch, that constant presence which we thought was supporting us. But booze wasn’t your friend and you will be so much stronger and better without it, you just need to get through this initial stage and I promise you’ll start feeling better. We’re all here cheering you on.

Saywhen, are you ok? No injury? My worst fear is falling over and having to stop running for a while so I hope you’re ok. Huge congrats on your 24 days!

I know there are more people I wanted to say things to, but I’m worried that if I try to scroll back a page then I’ll lose this message! Big Monday morning hugs to Spanna, Beaches, Hope, Ma, Doris, Hoolies, Mint, Lux and all the other Babes I’ve forgotten to mention.

I got back from my girly weekend last night, had such a brilliant time. It was so interesting doing it AF but I definitely enjoyed it more than I would have done if hangovers, regret and self-loathing had been involved. It made me realize how our lives are so marked by alcohol and how much we talk about it and think about it. When I was reminiscing with my friends, almost all our stories started with “remember that time we were shitfaced in [random location] and...”. Not drinking definitely makes you the weirdo in the group, even though my friends were lovely about it. And actually, once they were drinking they didn’t really notice that I wasn’t, it was just in the build-up/planning stages that it was more of a big deal. I hope that one day we get to a point where non-drinkers are just as easily accepted as drinkers, it doesn’t seem fair to be made to feel an outcast when you’re doing something healthy/necessary for body and mind.

OK, off to face Monday morning. Day 101. Today I will not be drinking.

Please please don't muck around with it, it will kill you
( 34 years sober ) xx

Dear All

I was here before as RubyRed but I've been in the sidecar for a couple of weeks. I was doing well with moderating for a couple of months but then lapsed and have ended up back on a bottle of wine a night pretty much. I am in despair today again and feel like crying. Its nearly a year since my marriage ended and I feel so lonely. I am on my own with 3 kids and have a full-time managerial job. My DS1 is in his lower 6th year at school but has hardly been to school since September as he is ill with anxiety and depression. I've had to take loads of time off work to care for him. every day I try to get him up for school but he's just not up to it. All the kids have been really badly affected by the divorce, and their dad has moved 3 hours drive away so only sees them alternate weekends. Normally I am a capable person but I'm just so sad, and I don't want to keep drinking but I can't seem to resist.

Morning All. Right. New week, New Sweet. I had a shitty weekend with DS (15) - fell out on Friday night over something stupid and he's still not talking to me this morning. I had a bottle of wine every night and didn't enjoy it, so this has to stop, I have so many other things to do, and drinking is getting in the way.

I've been struggling to post because I don't know why I'm drinking, I don't know why I can't stop, I haven't felt I could be wise or helpful. Today, I will be on and off here, in a desperate attempt to get just one day under my belt.

Hope this is the dress I need to get into - it fits but there are unflattering bulges in very odd places! I've been going to the gym since Sept, but mostly doing pilates and yoga, I need to ramp it up a bit.

Chiara(Ruby) lovely to see you, but sorry life is not treating you well. Grab a seat and let it all out.

Margie I've got the pompoms out in your honour!

Ma, Spanna, Ms Hoolie, Beeches, Saywhen, Sofa, Razor, genius, Elba, Dorris and all of the other Babes, posting or lurking. Stay strong and have a good day.

Today is a new day.

I am so much happier when I don't drink. I am better at everything.

Last night I told DH pretty much what I told the bus. He thinks I will be boring if I don't drink but agrees I need to change.

I can do this. We can do this bus!

Sweet, Ciara, sleep, we can all be better without this damn shitty witch controlling us. I want my life back!

dementedma this comment from you hits the nail right on the head.... I find it so hard to be AF and that makes it more than a habit

Regardless of how much/little or how often/rarely a person drinks, the inability to go without is pretty telling

Succinctness, honesty, and self-awareness in one statement... not a bad set of qualities to have really!

Razor, not drinking doesn't make anyone boring - drinking does!

Mid-afternoon slump, I need to go in search of chocolate before my next class. It's a late finish tonight, so I am making an effort to take a route home that doesn't pass any shops. If I can get home and get my pjs on, I can make this my first AF day in a month.

Home without a shop stop, pjs on, I may just have done it. Day one.

Well done sweet

Yay Sweet!

chiara good to see you again. DD1 suffers anxiety and depression and also OCD. It is such a hard thing to deal with as you just can't fix the the way you can with a physical hurt (generally). if i can be any help pm me

Sweet yes!! Go you!

Margie it's not 100% but it's not bad. Running is really important to me too.... going to go out on a gentle run tomorrow and see! Your weekend sounds great. The day after the night before is def better!!

Razor I have a family member who has acted similar. First time i felt guilty. Second time I noticed some signs I had missed before about their drinking. So I have accepted it says more about them than me.

I think DH is miffed because he just spent £260 on wine

I have a house stuffed full of alcohol and I'm not touching it!

Welcome sleep and welcome back ‘Chiara. Well done Sweet*. Remember a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
I got taken off my section today with a view to being discharged tomorrow but it could all be quite awkward and I have had to make what feels like a massive concession in order to go home tomorrow. I admit to drinking one mini bottle of wine this afternoon when I was out but I have done 26 out of the last 27 days.
I am desperate to get home and see the DC but really anxious at the same time. I have had 2 previous admissions and both times, they gradually built up my leave and I had overnight and then weekend leave before being discharged.
I remember the first time I went on overnight leave and it felt really overwhelming. You don’t realise how much of a protective bubble you are in on an impatient ward until you leave. I thought at the time that I had pretty much recovered but going home made me realise that I really wasn’t. Also, by his standards, ‘D’H was relatively supportive or at least wasn’t horrible to me.
The longest period I have had off the ward on my own is an hour and, given that ‘D’H has either been ignoring me or sending unpleasant text messages, I really don’t know what I am walking into- I really don’t want to bounce straight back in again.
It does make me sad that he hasn’t once been to visit me.
Thinking of all of you - Spanna 3 years is incredible.
Night night babes

Hi everyone, thanks for your kind and welcoming posts.

I didn't actually remember posting last night until I looked in threads that I was on this morning, which kind of says it all.
I've pretty much drunk every night for the last 20 years. The only times I haven't drunk is when I have been ill, not through choice. I'm currently drinking about 2 bottles of wine a night, every night. I got divorced earlier this year and my drinking has spiralled since then, I fall asleep on the sofa most nights. Well, I say fall asleep, I guess pass out would be a better way of saying it.
I'm very much alone. I have no kids or family. Drinking numbs my thoughts. I've met someone amazing recently and although it's not going anywhere it has made me realise that if it was possible for this relationship to develop I wouldn't want it to as I am so ashamed about my drinking and what he would think of me if he knew.
I've spent a lot of time this year working on myself and growing as a person and I know that this is a really big thing and it's holding me back. I just don't know how to cope without it. It's been my emotional crutch for so long.
Thanks for reading, if you do.

Hi sleep. This self medicating creeps up on you doesn't it. I have become very ashamed of my drinking.

I have a long way to go yet, but why not give it a try without a drink? My alcohol free days are getting easier. Someone rightly said distraction is the key. I'm in to cups of tea and doing pottering jobs instead of reaching for the wine.

MsHoolie please stay strong. Dont let H spoil things for you now. Put yourself first. Hugs x

Ok. I seriously stressed out. My oh (who I've been with for 6 years) - and who I separated from last summer for 3 months - is basically saying I'm batshit crazy and all our arguments are my fault because I'm irrational and basically doing a Rebecca bunch.

My 15 y/o was worried I might be suffering from bpd and I mentioned it to him and he used the comment to illustrate that I basically don't know my own mind.

I need to stop drinking NOW. So I can understand whether he's gaslighting me or whether my behaviour really is this fucked.

I need a handhold. My gut says he's manipulating me (think "you have these low moods. I know how this goes etc" - but my low moods are in part caused by his shitty behaviour) - also the last time I was really low was when I asked him about a work related issue and I called him on it because it didn't ring true. He ranted and shouted l, upset and woke up my kids and stormed out telling me I'd spoiled the evening.

I was right. Since we've been back together he's continued to ignore boundaries and then tell me I'm overly emotional.

I feel like I'm going bonkers. If I say I want an alcohol free night he ignores it and I struggle to abstain if he's drinking.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I drink too much, I know but I feel insane as I don't remember stuff the way he's telling it!!!!

Genius it's him not you. You're not losing your mind. You are not crazy. You are strong babe. Keep posting. Sounds to me like he wants to railroad your life, well being, health, trust, ability to cope - prime wanker! Life is too short for that shit trust your instinct, it's always right

Morning All
Running late. Stay strong everyone and have a good day. Let's all be kind to ourselves. X

Spanna lovely pic, so so sorry about work. You bearing up?

Genius, how horrible your oh sounds, hang on to knowing it is him not you who is the issue. You sound so strong and determined, but I can imagine how tough it feels. Thinking of you.

Sweet yay for day one. How are you feeling today and what are your plans?

MsHoolie I will be thinking of you all day today, hoping that it goes ok, that your DH is more supportive than you fear, though frankly (if I may say so) he still sounds not remotely worthy of you - and that the DC are there for you too. I can only imagine how overwhelming it may feel. We are all thinking of you.

Day 86 here. Feel bored, flat and have lost the early days boing. Predictable, I guess, as I get used to the new reality, but it does feel tough at this time of year. But hanging in there.

Waves to all babes, sorry not to nc everyone. Ma, what's on the ogling agenda this week?

Small 86 days is incredible. I have never got quite that far but I know exactly what you mean about the novelty wearing off.
I tend to find the first few days relatively easy as I’m all fired up with enthusiasm and ‘I AM going to beat this’ talk. And then it starts to wane and I eventually give in.
It reminds me a bit of a boyfriend I had in my early 20’s - he was basically a complete shit but also knew how to turn on the charm and make me feel grateful for his attention.
I ended it so many times after he had been really vile to me. The thoughts of the horrible things he had saI’d were fresh in my mind and I was absolutely determined that it really was over this time.
But, after a while, those memories and my anger would fade and I would begin to remember the good times. And then he would come crawling back apologising for his behaviour, telling me how much he loved me and how it would be different this time and I would fall for it again and again but it never was different.
I was reading an article the other day that talked about ‘euphoric recall’ which I really related to. I do have some very happy memories of alcohol and I think there is a part of me that still thinks I can go back to drinking like I did when I was a student.
This is the starkest warning I am ever going to get. Alcohol has caused me to come frighteningly close to literally losing my life.
I really need to try to reprogramme my brain into seeing that tolerating a few patches of feeling low and flat are infinitely preferable to being handcuffed and spending 18 hours in a s136 suite and then getting sectioned.

Morning All.

Thank you all so much, I'm ashamed that just doing one day is so hard, but elated that I have a bunch of fabulous people here who 'get it'. As you say, Ms Hoolie, the longest journey and the single step.

I slept a little easier last night, so I have some extra strength to do it all over again today. Small, today I am mostly marking student presentations, then I have to go home and try to make peace with DS (who is developing his sulking technique magnificently! I remember the flat feeling, but you can do it, flat is definitely preferable to 'numb'.

Genius as the other babes have said, it is him, not you, go with your gut.

MsHoolie, just being let go like that must be terrifying, take it a few moments at a time. Will any other family be able to support you?

Sleep, I look back at my drinking history and think I can't possibly be old enough to have been abusing alcohol this long. But I am, and I have. The Wine Witch is sneaky and insidious, and has long nails to hang-on, but we can do it, those little imporivements add up. Do you have a plan? You need a plan to cut down, or do you think you can abstain completely?

Must get on now - Have a good day.

Genius the very fact that you use the term gaslighting is a flag. I was married to someone like this once, and it was during the years when I only had a few drinks a year so definitely not alcohol playing havoc with my memory.

Agree with the babes who say trust your instinct

Genius I am agreeing with the others too, once I broke free of my ex earlier this year I realised how much my drinking was tied up in his behaviour (vile), I am very fortunate that my nature is optimistic and I have a strong sense of self-worth without which I think I would be a nervous wreck and pretty much destroyed.

It's quite amazing how different life looks once a horrible man is no longer part of it and I am prepared to be single forever rather than lower my standards again.

I didn't know how much stress shows up in posture and complexion, hangs years on you, years!

Hello all, I have been lurking on these threads for many years - I remember the first ever post from Jesuswhatnext as if it was yesterday. I stayed over on the Dry thread for quite a whie as when I am AF, I have found this thread too triggery and I also tended to have a look at the thread when maybe people weren't doing so well so almost every time I came on there was mention of wine or people drinking. I am therefore a bit stuck as still do drink a bit so don't think I will be welcome on the Dry thread and also recently have noticed that there are a lot of longer time AF people on here so hoping to stay on here for a bit and see how it goes - hope you all don't mind me joining. For history have drank wine every day for years and had the odd AF periods of 10 days or so but nothing too substantial (apart from pregnancies). Then last year I decided to try for 100 days and I got to about 92 which I was over the moon about. Since then I drank a bit, then had another 3 months off and then have mainly drunk at weekends and holidays since then. In a year I dropped from 365 days of drinking to just over 100 and since then I try and have about 5 days off a week. The odd week it creeps up but I am able to get it back to 5 days off fairly quickly. I don't particularly like it when I am drinking any more, tolerance is off the scale but I still think I can drink the quantities I did before (clearly can't). I actually dislike it quite a lot and am constantly thinking about giving it up completely but can't quite do it (lots of peer pressure). So joining for some support and discussion :)