The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Braving The Wine Witch & Her Alcohol Free Autumn

[Mouseface]

Hello

I’m Mouse one of the Brave Babes who ride on this wonderful Bus, called Gerald, along with all the Opal Fruits wrappers and of course Barry The squid.

We all have a wise variety of life experiences and experiences with alcohol too. We’re not admirers of hang overs and we certainly don’t do judgey pants!

We’re here to ride along with you, when life is pants but also when it’s not as well and you my want to celebrate that bit too much!

So find a seat and come take a ride. I’ll link the previous and also the very first link and the reason we’re all here.

*Mouse

Brilliant ma so happy for you. I'm an old hand at PPI had about 20k all in all and often chip in and advise on PPI threads.

I'm still bloody Ill but reading all of you

I feel really bad posting this because I feel like everyone down after all your support and encouragement but I completely messed up yesterday. I had a day full of frustrations - I was promised a copy of the Tribunal panel’s reasons for their decision and a copy of the social worker’s report to see exactly what DH said and whether that played a part in me not being taken off the section and kept being told that they would send them up to the ward but they didn which means that I now have to wait until Monday.
Also DD, DS1 and I went to one of those places where you can paint ceramics, they get put in a kiln and you can go and collect them after a week. She told me that she and DH went to collect them a couple of weeks ago and they had no record of my name and they looked through all the stuff waiting to be collected and they couldn’t find any of it. I felt gutted because we all put so much time and effort into it and it cost me nearly £100. Plus, there were all the usual stupid ward rules about not being able to use a hairdryer or the washing machine unsupervised.
Anyway, I went out for my hours leave and went to the shop to get some toiletries and Diet Coke and then just had a ‘fuck it’ moment and bought 2 mini bottles of wine and put them in my back pockets.
Of course, when I got back to the ward, they frisked me and found them and then I got endless lectures and some of the nurses were really quite nasty. They then searched my room and found a full packet of Sominex which is an over the counter sleeping tablet.
I actually had them in my bag when I came in. They did search my bag when I was admitted but managed to overlook them. I had them because, the last time I was in hospital, they were very frugal with night sedation and I have horrible memories of lying awake from 3pm onwards with the most horrible thoughts going round and round in my head. I haven’t needed to take any because they’re quite good here with giving sleeping tablets.
The staff got it into their heads that I’d bought them deliberately to OD on and just wouldn’t believe me when I said it wasn’t true and explained why I had them. I did ask why did they think I had come back to the ward if I was planning on killing myself and surely I would have just taken myself off somewhere to do it.
Anyway, 3 nurses came in and stripped my room of absolutely everything- all my clothes, all my toiletries, my toothbrush and toothpaste, even my books and magazines and get well cards from the DC and the flowers my DB bought me.
So I’m confined to the ward again and back on one to one at least until Monday when the consultant is back as she is the only one who can take me off it.
I know it was a stupid thing to do but their reaction was way OTT.
If I had been taken off the section and discharged, I could go to the clinic 5 days a week and get some counselling and peer support so that I am begin to work on managing going into a shop when you’re feeling really shit and are confronted by rows and rows of alcohol.Here, I’m getting no help around the alcohol at all. I just sit around bored out of my skull and go off to my bedroom at regular intervals to cry and then get told to stop crying because it won’t help.
I have 16 days from tomorrow until my section ends.
I had a long talk with my primary nurse and told her that I have decided that I don’t want any unescorted leave as I don’t trust myself that this won’t happen again. So I will only take any leave if staff or family accompany me and, if there aren’t staff available on a particular day, I will just stay on the ward.
Although you can’t actually be sectioned for substance abuse, I don’t want to take any risks.
I’m just going to keep my head down so I can get out of here.
The nurse who came to the Tribunal got some feedback and said that one of the things they were concerned about was me saying that I planned to have a graded return home and that my brother was prepared to rent a flat here and stay with me while I build up to spending more time at home. They seemed to consider this unsafe.
So I had to speak to DH and ask him if he has any objections to me moving straight home and he just said,’I’m not making any decisions because I’m always wrong ‘ so I just said ‘OK then, so I will come home when I’m discharged and then he put the phone down.
You read all the time about the importance of keep busy and distracting yourself when you’re trying to stop drinking and there is nothing here to distract me apart from the television.
I do read but my concentration is so rubbish right now.
The plan was for my DPs to bring the Dc over to visit this weekend but it couldn’t happen because DC are not allowed on the ward. There is a family room downstairs but I can’t go there because I’m not allowed off the ward.
I didn’t drink the wine so I think this is day 20.

Oh MsHoolies I'm so sorry this has happened - and can I just say I truly hate your DH. I only came on here tonight because I saw this today www.theguardian.com/society/2017/nov/17/parental-alienation-divorce-custody-crackdown-cafcass and wanted to share it with you after your last comments about worrying he would turn the kids against you. He is an utter monster - and am not dissing you for being with him because I have an inkling if I were in your position (and there but for the grace etc as I have been pretty out of control at some points in my life, especially when I lost my mum) that my WB of a husband would have been the same and actually it makes me all the more furious on your behalf.

So... you made a mistake buying the wine BUT you didn't drink it and you still have chalked up 20 days. 20 days!!! And you are still fighting, and writing to us, and thinking logically, and talking to your primary nurse, and making plans and trying to get well. So still a bloody big well done to you. I am so sorry this has set you back but we are all still here and you will get through this.

You say you are a long term reader of this thread, so you will remember JWN and there was another babe who lived in America I think who lost her kids and then won them back after all sorts of setbacks. And our lovely Baby and many other inspirational stories. And a woman who was being battered and bullied by her ex and got away with her kids.
All seemed in a hopeless place and all got through it. As will you. This time next year you will be one of them too, in the gallery of bus legends, with this behind you. Just keep moving forwards. We are all here willing you on xxx

Just read back a bit more as in bed with laptop after row with WB (long story that I can't be arsed to go in to now but if I ever needed convincing my marriage was dead it's conversations like tonight's that make me realise how much I need to kick the entitled cocklodger into touch). Feeling a little proud as even a few months ago conversations such as this would make me reach for the wine, but there is none in the house (my new policy) as I know it doesn't help. Need all my faculties - and my rage - intact to plan for the future.

Anyhooo... Spanna I am so sorry about your job situation. I know from your posts how much you care about the clients you work with and am annoyed beyond measure that office/colleague/workplace politics seems to be threatening that. I am keeping everything crossed for you that things work out for the best - whether that be you triumphing over the bastards or walking away and finding somewhere to work with less toxic workmates. Will be thinking of you on Monday

Margie woo-hoo!!! Day 90!!!! Handing you the smock of smug with a humble bow and immense respect.

And Ma congrats on the PPI claim! I haven't done one as can't remember how many banks and stuff I've had dealings with over the years. Is the Money Saving Expert route just one form? Maybe I should look?

Dingleberries welcome to the bus. I haven't been to the Dry thread as am a sidecar rider some of the time, but whether you are as dry as the desert, moderating or stumbling along with random drinking patterns like me, there is always support and understanding here. Stick around. I am a backslider and relate to what Stilllearnin said a few pages back. I can not drink for ages and not think about it, but an unplanned binge can set me right back to day zero and dependent drinking thinking for days on end. I realise it would be easier for me to be teetotal but would find it too difficult socially. So far have more or less given up drinking in the house which is a huge help, but always have to watch myself and am very wary about Christmas coming up, so am staying on the bus for the festive season (despite the tacky decorations, endless rows about Opal Fruits and tripping over the tinsel on here).

Sofaking - well done to your DS on giving up heroin. You should feel justifiably proud, but don't let that make you hard on yourself for not giving up wine. You are trying, and you will get there. And in a way I think alcohol is harder to give up - heroin isn't socially acceptable. Nobody is joking about needing a wrap at the end of a long day at work, friends don't push it on you in pubs and it isn't prominently advertised in every supermarket and corner shop. Temptation is everywhere for us drinkers. Every day without a drink is a triumph! Same goes for all of us, so however many days we've chalked up in the last month, gold to us all - Sofaking, She-ra, ForeverBee, Sofability, StillLearnin, SayWhen, Doris, Mumof4, Mint, Realhousewife, Doris, Razorboy - congratulate yourselves for the good days and forgive the setbacks.

Got that horrible feeling you have when it's the weekend and there is conflict in the home. Though give less and less of a shit these days. Going to the gym first thing, taking DD to work in a local cafe, then got stuff to do at home but seeing as WB rarely leaves the house unless it's to empty the bins I often go out rather than get it done, hence the mess and chaos!

I see we have runners on the bus in Saywhen, ForeverBee and StillLearnin. I relate to exercise helping (sometimes) with the urge to drink. I used to run but stopped (plantar fascitis!) but have recently become quite obsessive about going to the gym. I was a gym slacker who had a membership I never used for years - turns out all I had to do was move to a gym out of town where I could park right outside - who knew? But am doing 10 classes a week now, developing abs and finding it really does make me want to eat better and not drink. Booking a class for 9.00am is a powerful deterrent against wine. Though again, December may unravel all that...

Right, off to find something to watch on the laptop to cheer me up. Thanks for the suggestion She-ra but I don't have Netflix. Amazon Prime and all the catch up channels are my limit (though there are sites like 123movies when they work). Into Motherland at the moment. I am the sweary, stressed lead character - or I was when the DCs were primary age!

Hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday and much love to all (especially anyone I have not namechecked - apologies!)

Night xxx

spanna thank you - you are right one day at a time must keep reminding myself of this.

looking I love running. With 2 little children it's my time. I get to feel amazing (sometimes) with no guilt. It's really helped me not drink before running days as I hate running on a hangover. One of the first steps funnily enough I could take for af days. I complete get why a car park next to the gym would make such a difference my hardest bit is putting my shoes on!!

Mshoolies please do post everyone here has messed up. No one here will judge. Your husbands behaviour makes my blood run cold.

We have guest's this weekend. I haven't drunk, I find it really hard to tell people I'm not drinking waiting for judgement etc. I said I was too tired, bug i can't shift etc. All true (as well as the other bigger reasons.) My daughter pointed to someone else's wine and tried to tell them it was mummys- everyone laughed and jokes made about my usual drinking. I had a panic attack, went to the loo to calm down. I know it's nothing compared to everyone else just feel so ashamed. I hope she doesn't remember me drinking. I hope I can solve this so she doesn't.

Day 16 af. I won't drink today.

LookingforHope
Got that horrible feeling you have when it's the weekend and there is conflict in the home
I hear you there.

Last night I had two glasses of wine and went on to water. It seems my tolerance for alcohol is fast disappearing. I should feel proud but I just feel flat. Let's see what today brings.

Ma so pleased for you, what a bonus!

spanna flower, I hope the work thing resolves for you soon, months of interrupted sleep take their toll. Thank goodness you have that beautiful beach to retreat to to rejuvenate the soul X

margie you must be nearly at 100 days babe, brilliant!

Some of these dh’s connected to our babes could do with recycling ♻️ Sending strength to those who are carrying the weight of the wankbadgers

I am Day 8 and sleeping like a dream. I downloded a drinking app (not sure if it the right one) but I am able to mark the days I haven’t drunk anything. I went back and filled in my mostly dry October to give me some extra encouragement and now I am collecting the red dots on the calendar.

To all the babes be kind to yourselves and enjoy the rest of the weekend x

Thanks all. So glad I can get some much needed repairs done, they have been worrying me so much. Now I need to focus on cutting back my drinking...again.
On the road a bit this week with late nights so that should help. Parliament Tuesday night, Aberdeen Wednesday night and Inverness Thursday night.

Evening all, I'm a long term bus hopper, back into bad habits.

It feels so comforting to find old chums again, Spanna, you are such an inspiration, sorry work is so stressful and difficult. and Smallfox, missed you Babe, I did my longest ever stint with you alongside! Ma, you brilliant lady, still finding the bargains and appreciating men in kilts . Hope*, one day you will be free of WB.

Strength to all of the babes I've yet to meet. Tonight, I have drunk a bottle of wine, I'm not sure if I'm ready to go af, but I need to.

There's a glitterball . How long have we had that?

Just rising from my sick bed to run in and squeeze Sweet welcome back darling.

I'll catch up with you all soon.

Lux, I am honoured, and squeezes right back at you - don't laugh, my first EVER year without freshers flu!

What are you taking for it my lovely?

Ah sweet so great you're here. I've been on and off rough for 3 odd weeks. Some days ok next day crap.
Just painkillers when needed and ventolin. Not sleeping at all well.

I've been around reading and popping onto threads but don't have the brain power to post anything wise or interesting right now.

Working like a mad worky thing despite this horrible bug so I'm pretty run down.

I'll be better soon and be back dispensing face bombs and nail colours

That sounds bad, I don't mean I'm usually wise or interesting
Ah you know what I mean (I hope)

Sweet welcome back lovely great to see you. Tomorrow is another day and the that jazz

Lux I hope you kick this virus soon babe I want a facebomb sleep well x

Between Planet Earth and I'm a celeb, it's been a busy old evening on the box, so rock n roll Decision time at work tomorrow, surviving on very little sleep, you never know I might get some shut eye tonight.

Thinking of you MsHoolies sending hugs x

Beaches you're doing good tulip, just keep thinking of the clear head, no gorilla armpits breath, bright eyes, clear skin, being able to taste your food properly, being more alert, the patience factor......

Ma sounds like a busy old week, enjoy!

Guggs hope you're alright babe

Mint have you got the house to yourself yet? enjoy your YOU time

Love to all Babes.

Sweet!! So, so happy to see you. I keep checking in to see if you've stopped by and it made my heart sing to see you this morning.

Will you let us know if/when you feel ready to cut down? No point trying til you feel totally ready. I'll reset my clock when you do and we'll do it together. I am on day 78 at the moment which looks good but is feeling really tough - the first month or two was no problem but I'm predictably now in that pre-Christmas mode of 'that was easy, surely one glass of champagne won't hurt'. And I know it will, and that it will turn into two bottles, a horrendous hangover and a fundamental loss of willpower and self-belief. If 78 days has taught me anything it is that I really, really do have no off switch. So, I am keen to 'start again' from scratch, however artificial that might be, and have the sense of novelty again, rather than the slightly tempting tedium I'm wading through at the moment (sorry if that isn't very inspiring!).

Sweet, I hope things are ok with you, with Sweetdog et al: come back for some opal fruits and a chat. We've missed you, babe.

And Ma - I'm so pleased for you. It is cheering to hear that sometimes at least, good things happen to those that deserve them. Too many stories in the world at the moment of good things happening to entirely undeserving people - so I am glad you are redressing the karmic balance!

Good luck in work today Spanna hope it goes well for you

Sweet how lovely to have you back. And I noticed the glitterballs sudden appearance as well! . It's like a reunion on here. Hello to lovely Small as well! Day 78 is brilliant but I know how you feel about Christmas.

I have made a calendar for the next 5 weeks which includes all the times I have to be away for work in London (a lot) and all the times I have to go to Christmas parties/get-togethers where I will be expected to drink. I am looking at it really annoyed because it will bugger up my gym schedule. That is weird, right?

Being away for work I have to tolerate as they do pay me for it , but I have the usual social frenzy with people who I don't see the rest of the year cos it is 'tradition' to meet at Christmas. Given how much I've changed jobs in 4 years, I now seem to have to go to endless reunions and I can't imagine not drinking at all at these events because most of them I don't want to go to in the first place. The people are nice but it's too much, too close together and too close to Christmas. Horrible packed bars. I have no idea what is wrong with me, I am usually a VERY sociable person, but it's just all at once. And then the week between Christmas and New Year nobody does a thing as they are with their families and I feel I'm under house arrest.

Oh dear that is a moany first world problem isn't it? Sorry!
Even more moany and first world, the DCs are both getting new phones for Christmas and WB promised them we could get them at the weekend as both have cracked iphone screens. I am dead against giving presents so early but was overruled, so I wasted Sunday afternoon in the shop moving their contracts over (I could set up the government of a small democracy with less fucking paperwork), got mugged for a much more expensive deal than I was prepared for by DD and now they won't have anything much to open on Christmas Day as I'm not buying anything else major and they are a bit old for novelty gifts. It just makes me sad. Christmas makes me sad anyway since I lost my parents but now even the last bits of magic are being eroded.

Lux hope you feel better soon babe, and Spanna am thinking of you today - let us know how you get on at work.

Mint, Beaches, SayWhen, Ma - raising a mug of tea to you all and getting back to work.

How are the rest of us coping with Christmas pressures?

Lux I hope you feel better soon, it’s horrible being ill. I still have no leave after the wine/sleeping tablets incident so I haven’t been off the ward since Friday. I’m also back on 1-1 because this bastard of a nurse is insisting that I bought the sleeping tablets to OD on. I have asked him until I’m blue in the face why he thinks I would do that as the next step is me getting some Home leave so why on Earth would I jeopardise that by taking an OD and putting myself back to square one? Also, why would I go on leave and then come back to the ward and take an OD? Surely, if I wanted to kill myself, I would have done it while I was out on leave? I have since Googled and, even if I had taken the whole lot, it’s extremely unlikely it would kill me.
I found out on Friday that as DH is my Nearest Relative, he is able to request my discharge and the hospital can only refuse to comply with this request on the grounds of ‘dangerousness’.
The nurses on the ward had previously told me that this right no longer applies if you lose an appeal.
He’s refusing to do this - not on the grounds that the admission isn’t helping me but just because he can and he’s a spiteful cunt.
I have told him that, by punishing me, he’s also punishing our 9 year old son. Every time I speak to him on the phone he says ‘when are you coming home Mummy?’
DD picked him up from school one day and his teacher who taught DS1 and DD and is absolutely lovely took her to one side and said that he had been very tearful and, when she asked him what was wrong, he said ‘I miss Mummy’.
I want to fucking kill him right now. I’ve always thought it despicable when people drag their D.C into their disagreements, use them as pawns or try to get them to take sides.
I am sorely tempted to tell DD who currently thinks that DH is the best thing since sliced bread that he could get me discharged from hospital but won’t do it. I’m not going to but it’s really hard to resist the temptation.
I only agreed to this admission because I was leaned on by my family and professionals. My mum in particular wanted me admitted as she was so worried about me but now even she admits that it’s actually making me worse and has said that, if she was my NR, she would happily apply for my discharge.
My DPs have visited me 8 times and it takes them the best part of 3 hours to get here.
DH hasn’t been to see me once and he lives 7 miles away and the nature of his work means that there is no problem with him taking time off work to come and see me.

MsHoolies your H makes my blood boil. I'm so sorry to hear about your DS, poor love What a cunt your H is, unfucking believable!!! What a prime wanker Your parents sound so lovely. Sending you masses of hugs, I just want to pick you up and squeeze you tight x

Thank you for good wishes about work. Sadly I have nothing to report. I have spoken to the powers that be and she was apologetic about not having an outcome today, but I will find out tomorrow. They have had to go to the top of the chain to discuss my appeal and the additional info that I provided them during my meeting. So we'll see

I'm bloody tired and I just want to know where I'm at with it all I'm not very good at limbo....

MsHoolie I am full of nothing about admiration for you and I am embarrassed and sincerely apologise for my inane wittering about drinking on holiday upthread, I am suitably mortified. Your children are similar ages to mine, I thought my 9year old may have escaped the enormity of my drinking habit but now I am not so sure I worry that the smell of vodka on my breath maybe one of her childhood memories....... Your sons comment really touched me, however, the tenacity and strength you are showing in getting through this is really remarkable, especially with the waste of space that is your 'd'h. Just know that I and everyone else am sending you all the strength in the world to get through this. I think of you everyday

Spanna - that sounds cautiously positive about work? Whatever the outcome it sounds like you have really made them think. I know how much the process must have sapped you - be really proud of yourself for seeing it through. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Lovely to see sweet back again and you too small. Thank you for the kind comments. Had to do an event thingy today with an incredibly dashing Naval captain who in also aide de camp so turned up in full bling, medals, braid etc. Heaads were popping out of offices all along the corridor as he strode along. I was at the end of the corridor waiting to escort him off for photographs and he recognised me with a hearty( and beautifully enunciated) "'Ah, dementedma. How lovely to see you again!" and gave me abig hug and a kiss. Babes, I could FEEL the death stares.....

MsHoolies what a fucking awful situation. Your husband is an utter bastards. Can you not apply to have your designated MR changed to your mum? As the hospital must know that you don't have a close relationship by the amount of times the twunt has visited you. I'm sorry, I don't know a lot about mental health protocols but I do have a friend who is in the field that I could ask. But then I am sure you have researched all you can. I'm so annoyed on your behalf and so sad for your son. You are showing amazing restraint not telling DD what he is like... which just shows you are a better person than him 10 times over. Am thinking of you. And like Real am embarrassed about wittering on with my trivia! Sending hugs and , and . Hope your arm is recovering too. (All the better to punch that bastard with when you finally get out)

(Ignore typos as am on phone. *bastard singular and NR as in nearest relative, not MR )

Also Spanna good luck again for tomorrow. My fingers have been crossed for so long they may stick like this! Sorry it's dragging out for you ... but hopefully there will be a good outcome x