The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Braving The Wine Witch & Her Alcohol Free Autumn

[Mouseface]

Hello

I’m Mouse one of the Brave Babes who ride on this wonderful Bus, called Gerald, along with all the Opal Fruits wrappers and of course Barry The squid.

We all have a wise variety of life experiences and experiences with alcohol too. We’re not admirers of hang overs and we certainly don’t do judgey pants!

We’re here to ride along with you, when life is pants but also when it’s not as well and you my want to celebrate that bit too much!

So find a seat and come take a ride. I’ll link the previous and also the very first link and the reason we’re all here.

*Mouse

In the pub! Had a tea. Now it’s a coffee. How we all doing?

Morning every babe!

Just posting to wave my pom-poms frantically at everyone, whether you’re on day 1 or day 100.

I am on day 90 and can’t quite believe it. I was a hopeless washed-up old soak in the summer, I had reached breaking point in terms of my sanity, I could see myself losing my DH and probably eventually my DCs as well because of alcohol. I guess I came to the famous rock bottom that everyone talks about. What has kept me sober is constantly cultivating the hate I have for alcohol. I hate what it did to me, what it turned me into, what it made me risk, all the lies it sold me. For me it’s been like a very messy divorce when you realize the person/thing you thought you loved has actually been abusing you all along...and certainly don’t mean to undermine or belittle people in abusive relationships by writing that.

Bee, this this this: “About the only thing I get to do for myself is run.” Like you, Learning, Saywhen and my old mate Elba, I am a bit of an obsessive runner! Did my first HM in October and got my next one in Feb.

Big Thursday high five to Hope, lovely to see you old friend. And Ma, your suggestion about Princess Anne made me laugh out loud! Hope you’re ok Hoolies.

Luffs you Spanna. Happy Thursday beautiful bus.

Margin - 90 days!!!!!!!!!! I am in awe...
Day 4 here. Xxx

90 days that’s amazing.

I can totally relate to that hate. It felt like an ‘old friend’ and suddenly ( a while ago now) the wool has been lifted from my eyes to reveal the evil theiving bastard that it is.

I hate it as well, I find that hate good. It makes me see it for what it really is. I see it for it’s true self and not the crutch or friend or aid to happiness that I once viewed it as.

Interesting what has been said about hating drink....i don't hate it.....but it feels like a lie. A lie upon lie upon lie. Almost like it "works" for everyone else but just doesnt work for me.. For me it just feels like it is such a HUGE intrinsic part of society...so normal ..so acceptable...
Dinner and wine....wine to relax when kids in bed...G and T''s in the garden on a summer evening.....prosecco or champagne for birthdays.... supermarkets going all out with crates of beer and barbecues in the foyer every bank holiday.......it's endless. All seems so normal and nice and friendly. But for me it can't be just that. So I feel conned- lied to - or worse a bad person because I can't make it just happy and light and just now and again. . ...
Hence I have to quit for good.
Day 4 not drinking here xxx
Love to all

Bee! Yes that exactly. In the pub last night I did think ‘why can’t I do that’ - but at least I stayed ok. Day 5 today and yoga tonight. Tea total friend staying over

I have also been considering this "hate" relationship with alcohol. It is interesting that you have cultivated a hatred towards it Margie ( and well done on your 90days that is a fantastic achievement) I guess I don't hate it enough at the moment and that scares me, as 50 0dd days in I am contemplating whether it would be so bad to drink on our holidays in a fortnight. In my heart I know the right answer but its the relentless cacophony of voices in my head, you have done so well you deserve to relax versus don't be so bloody stupid and ruin it all now. And as bee says its flaming everywhere at the moment from the "ho ho ho proseco" tops to the Gin O'clock signs.
Ahhhhh! Time for a cup of tea and a quality street, I knew the boxes wouldn't last til Xmas!!!

Hi Real,

I don’t know whether hating booze is the right tactic for everyone, I just know that it’s working for me when loads of other things have failed before. As Bee says, sometimes it’s just admitting that it doesn’t work for you like it works for other people.

I get what you say about the voice trying to convince you to drink again, I hear that voice too. But play the film through until the end if you can...drinking in your holidays will make you feel bad, in so many ways.

I had a Tribunal yesterday re my section 2.
The evening before, I had a chat with the doctor that sectioned me and a consultant from one of the other wards as my own consultant is on leave.
There is a lot of work that goes into a Tribunal as they need reports from a doctor from the ward, a member of the nursing staff and a social circumstances report. If the person is known to services, it is their care co-ordinator who does the SC report. If they’re not known, they just allocate a social worker to do it. I’m not under a CMHT so was seen by the social worker doing the report a few days ago.
They also have to speak to the Nearest Relative who is DH and ask their views and he also spoke to my mum.
What happens fairly often is, if it’s highly likely the patient will win their appeal, they get taken off the section and the Tribunal is then cancelled because professionals don’t want to spend hours writing reports when it’s almost certain that the patient will win their appeal.
The consultant was lovely and said that he would have been happy to take me off the section there and then but he couldn’t because the trust now have a policy that you have to have had a certain amount of unescorted leave before they are able to take someone off section which I haven’t had so the Tribunal would have to go ahead but he made it sound like it was just a formality and that it was almost certain that I would get taken off the section. The doctor that sectioned me agreed that I am a hundred times better than when I was admitted.
Anyway, they kept me on the section. I will get a written report today or tomorrow giving the reasons. Devastated is not the word.
But the worst thing was that the social worker read out what DH said. He said that he feels that I’m still very unstable and that he would not feel comfortable with me being alone with the children. Quite how he came to this conclusion I’m not sure as he has seen me twice in 7 weeks. The first time was when I went back home for the first time after he kicked me out and he saw me for 5 minutes and then fucked off to the brother and the second time was when he came with the youngest 2 children when I was in hospital after having my elbow operated on and we didn’t any time alone together as I took both children off on my own separately to have some time with them.
He also said that he would not object to me being placed on a section 3 which can last up to 6 months. The Nearest Relative has a huge amount of power under the Mental Health Act. Somebody cannot be put on a section 3 if their Nearest Relative objects unless they go to court and have them displaced. The NR can also apply at anytime to have their relative discharged, however unwell they are, and it can only be blocked in extreme circumstances.
I have asked him directly 5 times if he has said he wouldn’t object to me being put on a section 3 and he won’t answer. I asked him ‘if they rang you today and said that we want to put your wife on a section 3, do you have any objection to that?’ and he just completely avoids the question.
It won’t happen because there are no grounds to put me on a section 3 but it’s the principle.
Mostly, people agree to their loved ones being put on a section because they can see that they’re desperately unwell and need treatment but just can’t see it. I have seen the agony and guilt that people go through but they know that, ultimately, they are acting in the best interest of their loved one.
Everyone agrees that I’m getting better and that being locked up for 23 hours a day in here is making me worse.
If I get offered this rehab now, I just don’t think I can take it. They may well not take me anyway because I’ve made 2 serious suicide attempts in 3 weeks and they may well consider me too fragile.
Also, I cannot face the thought of leaving the DC with him for 12 weeks because, by the time I come home, he will have completely poisoned them against me.
I fucking hate him. I don’t know how much more I can take.

So section 3 is the lower one where you have more freedom and it’s better for you at this point for your mental health.
Clearly the consultant et al agree with this.

Does section 3 mean you go home sometimes as well? Could that be why your DH has refused.

I’m sorry Hoolie, I’m probably making you repeat stuff. It’s very complicated isn’t it?

How old are your children?

And when you are fit, well and sober, what is your relationship with DH like?

MrsH

Do you have any evidence at all that your 'D'H is abusive? You have said before he has assaulted you. When I'd read you were under a section 2 I was very concerned as, which you have said' the N has a lot of power and obviously it would be him.

The professionals around you need to know the history - you need to be protected from this man.

As I understand a section 3 is for 6 months and can be extended by 6 months then 12 months and so on. But you can only be put on a section 3 if you will be receiving medical treatment appropriate to you. And that treatment is ONLY available in hospital AND you have been diagnosed with a Mental disorder (amongst other things too). So it is very complicated and NO WAY does the NR decide that this should be done, rather that the NR can object to this decision.

I'm sorry he is being an absolute shit MsHoolie. Can you get an advocate of some kind? I'm wondering if he still qualifies as your NR? He won't if you are separated. What would your preference be now? A CTO? It's very difficult because in a way your desperation has been caused by not getting help when you needed it most.

Do you need anything while you are there? Is there anything I can send to make things more comfortable for you?

Dingle section 2 is for up to 28 days and is for assessment although you can forcibly treat someone on a section 2.
Section 3 is for up to 6 months and is for treatment. You can be given leave on either section.

Heman that’s so kind of you but I’m fine, thank you. My Dsis came to see me today which was lovely. She’s 11 years younger than me but she is one of the wisest people I know. She actually gave me a gentle warning about ‘D’H not long before I married him and pointed out a few of his behaviours which she thought ‘weren’t very nice’ while the rest of my family (and me) were falling for his charm. She was only 18 at the time but she saw through him practically from day one.
My concern now is that the plan is for me to start having some leave at home from next week and I can totally see ‘D’H telling a load of lies about me behaving really irrationally and the children getting upset.
He’s probably seething at the moment because he sent me a text this morning which I didn’t reply to so I knew he’d start ringing the ward doing the concerned husband act so I told the staff that I didn’t want any information shared with him.
He actually rang when I was in the office talking to one of the staff and she said, ‘I’m sorry MrHoolies but MsHoolie has requested that she does not want us to share any information with you at the moment. Obviously, as a nurse yourself, you understand the importance of patient confidentiality’ and then she winked at me.
I freely admit that it gave me great joy to picture him with steam coming out of his ears as he knew there was nothing he could say.
I am going to seek advice about getting him displaced as my NR. I have no idea how easy or hard it is.

He's a nurse and he's assaulted you, MrsH? That's incredibly disturbing.

Evening babes waves at all
mint hope you're doing ok - let us know

I saw this on a perfume advert in a magazine just now and for some reason it just resonated

Mirror he hasn’t physically assaulted me for a long time because, the last time it happened, I told him in no uncertain terms that I would call the Police if it happened again. He’s very aware of the implications that could have on his job so it pretty much stopped although I’m under no illusion that it only stopped because he was fearful of the consequences.
Now it’s ‘only’ emotional abuse.
I will probably start a separate thread in Relationships as I don’t want to derail the thread.

I had my first real ‘test’ today. I now have unescorted leave for an hour twice a day and ended up in the Co-op. I was still feeling very sore after what happened yesterday and was extremely tempted to buy a mini bottle of wine to ‘console’ myself. It’s the first time in 19 days that I’ve actually had the opportunity to drink and the compulsion really took me by surprise as I really haven’t thought that much about alcohol recently because it just hasn’t been an option.
I did resist but it wasn’t easy. Although I’m proud of myself that I didn’t cave in, it brought it home to me that there is a very long hard road ahead.

hey you girls i have to write a pity party

my son has given up heroin
he gave up a bottle of JD a day as well, he has done for months and months and months

and I can't give up a bottle of wine a day - i lastest 3 days

what the feck is the matter with me
sorry, sorry

Bloody well done mrshoolie you should indeed be proud.
sofa I feel the same. Cant remember the last time I did 3 days...

Mrs hoolie your are doing amazing . I was sectioned in April and everything you say sounds exactly like my stay . There were some very poorly women in when I was an in patient and it really opens ya eyes

i don't know whats the matter with me

MrsHoolie you are doing so good

others are doing 90 days, 4 days, weeks at a time.

i did 3 days and i opened a bottle to night at 4.30 finished at 8.00 and felt right pissed - why is that?
normally i can drink that and no after effects at all.
why did i feel so blotto?

Because it was early and before dinner time perhaps?
Had you eaten?

mshoolie you have done so well and should be proud of yourself.

I'm on day 4 - again! I'm doing AF 4 days a week, this is my 4th week now and it's OK. I've had the odd wobble but I've distracted through it. I'm moderating (ish!) at weekends.

My 'D'H is halfway down his second bottle of wine tonight, funnily enough it doesn't make me want to drink, the sight of him slurring, dribbling and staggering about strengthens my resolve.

no Dingleberries i hadn't eaten since breakfast but I felt the effects straight away....totally whoo whoo
I wondered if it was because i hadn't had any alcohol for 3 days and was 'starting again' as it were?

i still finished the whole bottle tho and at 9.40 i feel fine - weird!