So this is it then...

[pointythings]

So my DH is an alcoholic. I gave him an ultimatum in July - the drink or his family. He chose to go into rehab. Two weeks ago he finished treatment.

Tonight I came home after a night away with DDs to ComicCon and he was slurring, showing all the signs. So I snooped. Yep, empty bottle of spirits hidden in his backpack.

I confronted him and the first thing he said was 'can we not do this in front of the girls. Oh how the alcoholics like their secrecy. No, H, the girls need to know - they are 14 and 16 and they have been part of all the conversations.

So now my marriage is over. Shit. I am not backing down. This is it, done, finished. No more chances, he's had plenty. I still feel like shit.

Well done op. You are amazing 🌸💐

DD1 had a second meltdown tonight. Neither of the DDs witnessed what STBXH said to me, but they did see the police arriving and overheard stuff.

So DD1 started saying she didn't want to feel like this, she didn't want to cry over him and she didn't want to be weak. Red flags all over the place - bottling stuff up is what got H where he is now. So I sat her down and talked her through it, told her she had experienced a significant trauma and that the body needs to react to that, which is often unpleasant. And that bottling it up is the weakness, not letting it out. Seems to have worked, but I am glad both DDs are having a one to one counselling session with our specialist al-anon trained counsellor on the third, and that I am having a session with my counsellor on the 18th. So much damage done by one person.

And I know I am amazing. I really do. Sometimes I still don't feel it. Just keep telling me off about it, you lovely vipers.

Yes, you are amazing, pointy! What you said to dd was absolutely right, spot on. Well done.

Perhaps you should print out 'I am amazing' in very big letters, blow it up to even bigger, put it on the kitchen wall. Tell the girls that it applies to each of you equally.

Each time any of you go in the kitchen you'll see it and remember.

Yup, proper bloody amazing. Indomitable. Invincible. Amazing.

Just keep talking. You three have a strength you can pool together, if you can just keep that communication going. Amazing

I like the idea of printing that out and sticking it on walls. I'm going to make it 'WE ARE AMAZING' though.

Consider it done. But first I have to wait for the OOH service to call us back because DD2 appears to have another chest infection. Last time that required antibiotics and symptoms identical this time. It never rains...

When my dc were small I made an A4 sheet of paper for all of us with our name in the middle. I wrote some positive attributes on everyones sheet and put it up on the wall and then we added to them over time. It worked really well.

Happy New Year, Pointy-family. Hoping 2018 is a peaceful and healing year for you and your dds 💐

Thank you, FYC. And once again thanks to all of you who have been with me on this ongoing journey. May 2018 bring you peace and happiness.

DDs and I are having a peaceful night in, just the three of us. DD2 is feeling a bit better, DD1 is now going down with the lurgy. I hope I'm not next.

But the house feels different already - this is the third night without him in the knowledge that he isn't coming back.

That must be such a relief, pointy.

Go into 2018 with a peaceful and hopeful heart.

Wishing you and your girls all the very best for 2018.
Sending peace, hope and happiness. You deserve it ⭐️

Just seen this thread.

You're doing a grand job lass. You'll get through and next year will be yours and your girls.

Just got an email from him. Housing is going through in the next 24-48 hours. He is doing one last monthly household payment to me (I had said he need not) so DDs will have decent birthdays. And he is fine with me using base privileges until divorce is final. I suspect this acceptance is real.for the sober him. Let's hope he keeps up.the sober.

Fingers crossed lass.

Oh yes, definitely hope for that, pointy. New year, new start for all of you - including him with luck.

Keep on doing what you do, pointy, with blessings on you and your girls.

Hello Pointy, just read your complete thread after looking for support for myself. Your journey over the last couple of months has been inspirational.

My H is an alcoholic. He functions fairly well, isn’t physically abusive but lies continually about his drinking, has crashed/damaged the car more than once while drinking. Has picked the kids up from school more than once while drinking, the shame...🙁, is nasty while drunk, and denies being drunk or having a drink problem. Currently he is signed off work sick with depression - complete nightmare - but I know it’s because he has the shakes so bad in the morning now he can’t work.

He gets really cranky with me if I ask if he has been drinking. Defensive, outraged, of course he hasn’t....even though it’s obvious.

Latest was this Last Friday when doc said I needed to go straight to A&E for tests, I have health issues and rheumatoid arthritis, came home after being in hospital all day, kids ( I have 2 small children) hadn’t had a thing to eat, H had been asleep on the sofa, he’d been drinking, but was about to take kids out for a walk and DS only had thin sports t shirt and shorts, was around 3 degrees.

Finally snapped and asked him to go home to Scotland for a month to get a break from the stress. He is now saying he wants to come home, he misses me, misses the kids. I want him to go I think, but I don’t seem to have the energy to get him out. I’m so tired. He won’t admit there’s anything wrong. I don’t know what to say to him ...

Magnolia that sounds really tough and needs a thread all of its own to get you some proper support. Good luck.

Magnolia, I second starting a thread on here. But before that, get in touch with al-anon. They will teach you to find the strength to set boundaries and say 'enough'. Because you cannot stay. Start planning your life without him and get help.

Magnolia don't let him come back!!! It sounds like a living nightmare. x

Goodness thank you, will start a new thread, apologies Pointy for jumping in, good luck...🌸

I will find your thread and support you. You may not always like what I have to say.

Update: he had a moving in date for the flat. It's the 15th . Do I can now start bagging and boxing up his stuff to ship it out. It feels huge.

It is huge lass. The next step towards a better life.

My dad was an alcoholic and I had an awful childhood. I wish my DM had your courage and things would have been so different.

Get those bags packed!

Probably good idea to start packing his stuff, yes. Better done in bursts over a longer period than the panic-packing on-the-day sort of thing. It’ll give you time to think about what things to keep and what not; he’ll certainly want input but if you’re ahead it’ll make it easier for you and the girls. Also gives you a bit longer to get used to the gaps where something of his used to be.....