Losing it over new guy

[nextstop]

Some background: I am a confident, happy and successful person. I have a great job, a beautiful house etc, wonderful friends and a few long term relationships under my belt. I normally have my head screwed on. So I am not sure why I am losing it over a guy, for the first time in my life ever.

Met him online a few weeks ago. Good looks, well educated, cultured - the works. Only that he is still a mature student but is applying for jobs. I didn't take him seriously at first and thought he could be fun. Our dates have involved a lot of alcohol and I am not proud of the way I have behaved around him. It would not surprise me if he were after one thing - that is what I have been suggesting in subtle ways, because of his age and situation in life at the moment.

But I think there could be something between us, I want to get to know him more. Even though the other night I told him I wanted him and he wants to cook a meal for me at his house, I think I want to tell him that actually I would like to get to know him better. Who knows, he might run but that would just prove my gut feeling that he might be a player or at the very least not be ready for something long term.

But he messages me every, asks me mundane things about new clothes he's bought, asking if it's OK for job interviews. Not exactly player behaviour? The other day he said he wanted to be vulnerable and for me to look after him. I was convinced he was after one thing and he may still be. I am confused about everything and I am so insecure around him and don't think I can be sober.

All I do is think about him and I constantly feel sick. To some extent, I feel inferior next to him. He's quite posh and far more educated than I am. I actually think he's out of my league. No man that good looking should be single and no man like him would be single forever - yet he claims he has never had a significant relationship. He is very confident around me - again, not the sign of a man who really likes me. He tried very hard to sleep with me on the third date.

I want to stop but I don't want to let him go. I have a feeling this is not going to end well for me.

Any advice most welcome.

Wow, thought you were like 20 years old. Why are you stringing along / allowing yourself to be strung along by a guy with serious MH problems. Surely that's not fair to him.

This is all bonkers. If you hadn't said you were both in your 30s I'd have guessed you were in your teens, that's how immature and OTT it all sounds. Get some therapy OP because you're as fucked up in the head as he is and at least he has his "mental illness" to account for that. As others have said, you contradict yourself and I have absolutely no idea what you want, so I bet he's pretty confused about you too.

You need to have an actual conversation with this guy. Face to face. No texts. No sex.TALK TO HIM. Be honest. No pissing about with games.

I think you already have some major communication issues so I can’t see how this could turn into a relationship. But you need to look at this in a more detached way.

I thought that too Sassy but I suspect it's too late for that now.

What's the point in having a conversation? He won't show the OP even a basic level of respect. If she tries to have a "conversation" he'll just worm his way out again, as he's done before. The only way forward for her is to drop him and not look back.