My emotion in last post was probably due to what was coming.
My Ds told me last Wednesday that x had taken him to see the gp. It was on the pretence of a check up but when they got there x told the gp it was about drugs and then a discussion took place about the dangers etc.
Ds was very reluctant to talk to me. My initial reaction was one of surprise because I had anticipated the x doing nothing. I sent him an email thanking him for this and asking if they had seen my usual Gp. My initial feeling was one of relief - I thought this would deal with the matter but I should have know better.
A bit later on Ds tells me x is making him speak to the head at school. I email X asking him to explain what's going on and that I feel the school doesn't need to know and Ds does not need heavy handed treatment.
Ds is becoming increasingly distressed.
I then get a very long email from the X basically telling me that he had searched Ds bedroom found an old bag which would imply Ds had more than enough stuff for personal use, listing 'facts' for the summer holiday when Ds went to a couple of festivals. Saying that he had spoken to drug support services and will be involving them and speaking to the school because as all his friends are involved from school he feels the school need to take some responsibility. X is also restricting his money to stop him and has made Ds aware that he is never to take drugs to his house.
The email implies that x is doing everything in Ds interest but there is an undercurrent to it that is very subtle and is only apparent from knowing him so well,
The trip to the Gp is probably to get this on record and a deliberate action to try and undermine my parenting. It was not my usual Gp - I had just spoken to him the week before about my concerns for Ds and he suggested some counselling - this was before I knew about the drugs.
The email also implies that X is taken a very responsible approach and that basically by me allowing Ds to go to festivals this summer I am behind this. Same with the money situation but he forgets that last weeken he was trying to help Ds find a job.
The involving of the school is the backlash because I have paid the school fees - something that he knew nothing about.
There are phrases in the email that have been used before - particularly with the long email over house security etc the first night I left the kids on their own. This email has been written with input from OW I know exactly what it is all about.The x says his family love him - not he loves him - odd turn of phrase when he does not have a family anymore - unless OW considers herself as his family!
I have told the x I understand the implications of all this but a heavy handed approach with Ds will not work. He does not need further punishment he is already hating himself - he needs love and support.
As a result I had to give Ds piriton to get to sleep.
He has been worrying about this ever since - he returns to school today after half term. He chose not to go to his DF this weekend for contact but to stay here instead. This was even knowing that this choice would probably make X angry - says it all really.
I have spent the weekend trying to keep Ds 'calm'
I emailed the x last night reiterating that Ds is feeling very anxious that I don't think the school need to be involved but if he is going to speak to them I want to be involved too particularly due to previous issues with Ds.
X has told Ds he is speaking to the school alone - if previous behaviour is anything to go by X will not tell me what he is doing - he will leave me hanging and therefore Ds remains anxious because he too does not know what is going on.
I am exhausted - is it any wonder. I have not slept - I'm worried for Ds and what the x may do. If the school decide to take action and make an issue out of this the end result is that Ds could be expelled.
This would be devastation for him and I would not like to say what I am fearful of could be the impact on Ds.
So I am waiting for a response from x - he told me in the past he does not read my emails - this is not true - he picks and chooses which ones he reads & responds too -which ones he ignores.
I have text him also - he told me he does not receive my texts which must mean he blocks me - again another tactic just to avoid. This is the continuation of the stonewalling that went on during the marriage.
I have asked how I am supposed to contact him if there is an emergency with kids - no reply!
I actually spoke to himon the phone after Ds had phoned him pretty distressed wanting to know what he was going to do. I heard with my own ears him gaSlight his own son with what he said and what Ds understood he said. I told him that this was not helping Ds - Ds didn't need the school involved - he basically dismissed anything I had to say saying my pre conceived ideas were all rubbish.
This is were I'm at - this is how it never goes away - how am I supposed to get. Myself together with this continuous crap and you know what really surprised me Ds said that's the first time you've spoken to each other in over 2 years - this is where Ds hurting -this is what he can't get his head around - that 2 people who supposedly loved each other and were together for 20 years - whose kids thought they had a happy life until all this - and who can blame him - what he has been through is hell.
The only difference between me and him - I'm taking legal drugs to help me deal with this shit! Everything else I totally get