New guy - am I being paranoid or are these red flags?

[m0use11]

I met a guy online two weeks ago. On our first date we seemed to click and I do really like him. Saw him again during the week and then last weekend we spent the full weekend together. I stayed over twice this week and am seeing him all this of this weekend.

It's moving quicker than previous relationships I've had and I'm feeling a bit rushed. I'm not sure if this is just a sign that there's a real connection or if I should be feeling uncomfortable? There's a couple of things that have made me a tiny bit unsure but I don't know if I'm being sill.

Tonight I'm off out for a few drinks with friends, preplanned. He was really insistent that he took me out and then that I stayed over at his rather than going back to mine later. This is nice but I now feel under a bit of pressure not to stay out late or get too drunk.

He hasn't yet been to my house and doesn't seem keen on staying round. I have a nice flat and a considerate housemate who I'm sure would go out and give us our own space, so this isn't an issue. He seems really keen for us to 'make house' - This is to the extent where he has starting washing my clothes and buying toiletries when I insisted I needed go home.

He says that all his previous exes have cheated on him or hurt him. This I can believe but I do quite often read this can be a red flag?

He was really insistent on talking about our past exes. My last boyfriend hurt me really badly and I don't want to discuss it but he kept pushing and pushing until I got upset. He apologised but I'm embarrassed.

He does seem to be available all the time. This was a bit of a refreshing change from a lot of men who tend to be busy with work, friends etc most of the weekends but he is always free.

I'm sure I'm just being silly but just wanted to get other opinions?

I think this is all too much too soon tbh. Are you wary of saying no? You need to put some boundaries in place. Doesn’t he have his own life/friends? I’d be uncomfortable about this. I don’t think you’re wrong to be concerned

He's very insistent about a lot of things and actually it doesn't matter whether he's nice or not. You don't like it. That's enough. I'd finish it tbh. He's already controlling you without you even realising.

Huge red flags - whole village fete full of red flag bunting.

Have you ever experienced DV in a relationship? If so do the Freedom Programme. Someone who is love bombing this early, plus controlling your nights out should have you running for the hills. Way too fast, too needy and too controlling already. And this is only week 2???

If you feel uncomfortable now then I suggest you listen to your gut.

Sounds bloody terrifying to me.

He's massively controlling! Get out now before he has you barefoot and pregnant!

Actually he sounds dangerous on reflection. I’d get out now before it moves on and prepare yourself as he won’t react well

Lots of nopes!

With new guys I say just go with your gut and your gut is giving you warning signals that something isn't right. Every time I've rationalised that feeling and gone against it the gut feel was right.

Obviously this depends on your last relationship and how hurt you were etc but that's my take. In your place I would worry about control issues and future faking etc. I don't like sharing too many of my relationships "issues" early on as I feel that kind of trust should be earned but everyone is different in this respect.

Red flags everywhere for me. Way too much too soon and what he's said about his exes would concern me a lot. You only met 2 weeks ago and it sounds like he's trying to get you to move in already!

I'd run a mile right now.

What everyone else said - and don't go back to his tonight

He sounds very full on. Listen to your instincts and tell him to back off. He sounds like hes very worried about you cheating on your night out, which tbh, is to be expected if it has happened to him a few times, but its also not your problem or responsibility to change your social life to make him feel better. Tell him that youd rather not as you were hoping for a late one with your mates. Be clear and see what his reaction is. Dont let him pressurise you

I've done a dv course ....
Run like the wind !

Abusers do free up time to control the abused because it becomes all about the control . They do it to make you feel like they care but in reality they are just trying to get you hooked quicker .

If it's going too fast you need to slow it down . Become unavailable . They tend to offer to meet up after a night out for the reasons you mention . Then it will be shall we spend an hour together before you go out so they can work on you not going out , making you feel guilty . Before you know it you don't see anyone anymore apart from them...

It's actually scary to realise the patterns that emerge and it's hard to see anyone in the same light again afterwards . You need to find some boundaries .

This after two weeks?

Run away, run away!

He sounds dodgy and doesn't respect your wishes. He's pushing already for control. Time to put a stop to it.

I am going to his house before we go out, he says he will drop me off to save getting a taxi.

He's really nice and there is a real spark between us though.

Your post gave me goose bumps.
I've had a similar expierence. It's wrapped up that they care about you. It escalated to phoning all the time I was out with friends'to see if I was having a nice time' then they would just be at the pub car park at closing time. Sometimes they would come in 'just to say hi to my mates' other times they would be on the car park so they could give me a lift home ( how sweet, no, not really)
And so it escalated,'why do you need to go out, what's up with just you and me going out together?' 'You didn't answer your phone,why not?' ( 10 missed calls and I was sat in a cinema.

Of course I could be projecting ,but bloody hell, I'd be running. I've learned my lesson!

Red flags galore.

He sounds controlling to me.

Pls don't think you're being silly or that you 'should' be feeling a particular way.

You're feeling rushed. This is important information. This is you letting you know that you're uncomfortable and that you want something other than what is happening. Please listen to this.

I am going to his house before we go out, he says he will drop me off to save getting a taxi

He's really nice and there is a real spark between us though

Crack on lass, I've got a feeling you won't take advice!

Look, just try this experiment. Insist on getting a taxi instead of the lift and see how well he takes it.

Far too much far too soon, loads of red flags already trying to control you- buying toiletries so you don't need to go home sounds like he wants to keep you there with him and you can't have a life outside of him
I would run as far as I could from him.

Carry on then. You can think of the sparkling sex you used to have once you're trapped with four kids and a man who won't let you breathe without permission.

My best friend thinks it's too much too but then I wondered if she was jealous as she's been single ages. That's why I wanted to get other opinions.

Another thing was that he's booked tickets to see a film next week but he didn't check if I was free first. I know it's romantic and thoughtful but I've had to move other plans now.

Another thing was that he's booked tickets to see a film next week but he didn't check if I was free first. I know it's romantic and thoughtful but I've had to move other plans now.
Romantic! You are deluded.

He’s controlling you already after 2 weeks. Run, as fast as you can

He's really nice and there is a real spark between us though.

It's been 2 weeks. Of course he's really nice. Why do you think women marry men who go on to murder them?!