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Original poster

New guy - am I being paranoid or are these red flags?

291 replies

m0use11 · 30/09/2017 19:15

I met a guy online two weeks ago. On our first date we seemed to click and I do really like him. Saw him again during the week and then last weekend we spent the full weekend together. I stayed over twice this week and am seeing him all this of this weekend.

It's moving quicker than previous relationships I've had and I'm feeling a bit rushed. I'm not sure if this is just a sign that there's a real connection or if I should be feeling uncomfortable? There's a couple of things that have made me a tiny bit unsure but I don't know if I'm being sill.

Tonight I'm off out for a few drinks with friends, preplanned. He was really insistent that he took me out and then that I stayed over at his rather than going back to mine later. This is nice but I now feel under a bit of pressure not to stay out late or get too drunk.

He hasn't yet been to my house and doesn't seem keen on staying round. I have a nice flat and a considerate housemate who I'm sure would go out and give us our own space, so this isn't an issue. He seems really keen for us to 'make house' - This is to the extent where he has starting washing my clothes and buying toiletries when I insisted I needed go home.

He says that all his previous exes have cheated on him or hurt him. This I can believe but I do quite often read this can be a red flag?

He was really insistent on talking about our past exes. My last boyfriend hurt me really badly and I don't want to discuss it but he kept pushing and pushing until I got upset. He apologised but I'm embarrassed.

He does seem to be available all the time. This was a bit of a refreshing change from a lot of men who tend to be busy with work, friends etc most of the weekends but he is always free.

I'm sure I'm just being silly but just wanted to get other opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
m0use11 · 30/09/2017 20:21

Ok... so I said to him that I was going to drink a lot and probably would just get a taxi to his a lot later. Now he's said he will come and meet me in town.

OP posts:
mishfish · 30/09/2017 20:22

Tell him that you're going to stay at your friends tonight op. His reaction will say a lot

From

A survivor of domestic abuse

Amme1234 · 30/09/2017 20:23

You could be talking about my ex, he was so perfect and lovely to start with i overlooked the little things that made me feel a bit uneasy. Within 5 months of meeting I was pregnant and 2 months after that he was emotionally and physically abusive. I then found out he'd got 6 previous women pregnant by 'accident' despite using contraception. I never post on here but please run away as fast as you can while you still can.

Aminuts23 · 30/09/2017 20:24

Tell him NO!!!!! He’s intruding on your night out. Just say NO! Switch off your phone and enjoy your night with your friends

Popchyk · 30/09/2017 20:24

"Another thing was that he's booked tickets to see a film next week but he didn't check if I was free first. I know it's romantic and thoughtful but I've had to move other plans now".

No, you didn't have to move your plans for him. You just chose to.

You could have said "I already have plans that night. Please don't make plans that include me without my knowledge in future. Ta."

You seem to think that you get no say in your own relationship. He wants to go fast therefore the relationship is going at a fast pace. He wants to make plans without asking you therefore you accommodate that. He wants to hijack your night out with friends so you accept that.

You can say no. And hell no to meeting him in town.

NotTheFordType · 30/09/2017 20:25

So your response to that is "No thanks, I would prefer to just go back to mine."

His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

You express a preference to do something you want. He will undoubtedly kick off. Because he doesn't want you doing what you want, he wants you to do what suits him.

SeraphinaDombegh · 30/09/2017 20:26

Dear Lord, no. No no no. This is NOT how all relationships start. He's creepily involved and trying to control you. Do NOT agree to him meeting you in town and do not go back to his place tonight. Please.

Hellywelly10 · 30/09/2017 20:27

Too much too soon. You don't really know this man or his history. Everyone else is right this is lovevbombing.

Sunbeam18 · 30/09/2017 20:27

Why did you ask if you were going to totally ignore the advice?

TheLegendOfBeans · 30/09/2017 20:28

I was going to post THIS;

I am going to his house before we go out, he says he will drop me off to save getting a taxi

you'll either not go out or you will and he'll be stuck to you all night

Then I see your post of 20:21.

RUN. He's controlling. And after only a fortnight too? Run. This is not a nice man.

Annelind · 30/09/2017 20:29

I am now mentally eyerolling, hand wringing and pacing the floor. This will not end well for OP. She is putty in his hands atm

beesandknees · 30/09/2017 20:30

He is circling you like a fucking shark, it's chilling.

Sierra259 · 30/09/2017 20:31

His suggestion to meet you in town just backs up everything the previous posters have been saying about him. He is trying to dictate your plans to you after only 2 weeks. If you need further proof, txt him back and say that you just want to enjoy your night out with friends and would actually rather go back to yours. His reaction to that will tell you an awful lot and hopefully show you how controlling he is trying to be.

forumdonkey · 30/09/2017 20:31

It's two weeks!! I'd be pissed off if I was getting texts throughout the night from a bloke I'd been dating only two weeks if they knew I was out with the girls never mind all this. It's not normal behaviour, and you're not listening to us all screaming at you that it's too much and controlling. You're still accommodating what HE wants to do and arranging your plans for the evening.

Tell him you're sticking to the plans you had with your friends so not to let them down, so will be going home.

TheLegendOfBeans · 30/09/2017 20:31

You need to get your breezy "it's been a lovely two weeks but I'm actually thinking of staying single for now" script ready for tomorrow/Monday.

The ladies of MN know what they're talking about my love. Please heed advice x

Happinesssssss · 30/09/2017 20:32

Your poor friends will now have to put up with a hanger on all night.

Popchyk · 30/09/2017 20:32

You can find out exactly who he is by saying no to him tonight.

No to going back to his, no to meeting him in town. No explanations, no excuses.

"I am having a night out with friends as I've already explained. I won't be meeting you or staying at yours tonight. Have a nice evening. I'll ring tomorrow".

Branleuse · 30/09/2017 20:32

youre actually allowing him to control you, two weeks in!
Dont let him come on your night out with your mates. Will totally change the dynamic and he will expect to do it every time.

Nannyplumssillyoldelf · 30/09/2017 20:33

I think you should run too.

PickledLilly · 30/09/2017 20:35

It's frankly terrifying that you seem to be accepting this. It is NOT normal. You have the right to say no! 'No thank you, I'm going home tonight' you do not belong to him! The fact that he is controlling you so much after such a short space of time should tell you something and what it should tell you is to run like fuck and don't look back.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 30/09/2017 20:35

God no. Back away while you can. He sounds very controlling.

notacooldad · 30/09/2017 20:35

Ok... so I said to him that I was going to drink a lot and probably would just get a taxi to his a lot later. Now he's said he will come and meet me in town

I'm now getting the feeling you are loving the dram from him and us!
Anyway, have a good night with your friends and no doubt lover boy will come and cut it short......but you know that.

LilaoftheGreenwood · 30/09/2017 20:36

Holy fuck. Never seen such a clear case of lamb to the slaughter. Sad

notacooldad · 30/09/2017 20:37

Meant 'drama' not dram.

Annelind · 30/09/2017 20:38

We have tried. That's all I can take away from this right now Sad