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Original poster

New guy - am I being paranoid or are these red flags?

291 replies

m0use11 · 30/09/2017 19:15

I met a guy online two weeks ago. On our first date we seemed to click and I do really like him. Saw him again during the week and then last weekend we spent the full weekend together. I stayed over twice this week and am seeing him all this of this weekend.

It's moving quicker than previous relationships I've had and I'm feeling a bit rushed. I'm not sure if this is just a sign that there's a real connection or if I should be feeling uncomfortable? There's a couple of things that have made me a tiny bit unsure but I don't know if I'm being sill.

Tonight I'm off out for a few drinks with friends, preplanned. He was really insistent that he took me out and then that I stayed over at his rather than going back to mine later. This is nice but I now feel under a bit of pressure not to stay out late or get too drunk.

He hasn't yet been to my house and doesn't seem keen on staying round. I have a nice flat and a considerate housemate who I'm sure would go out and give us our own space, so this isn't an issue. He seems really keen for us to 'make house' - This is to the extent where he has starting washing my clothes and buying toiletries when I insisted I needed go home.

He says that all his previous exes have cheated on him or hurt him. This I can believe but I do quite often read this can be a red flag?

He was really insistent on talking about our past exes. My last boyfriend hurt me really badly and I don't want to discuss it but he kept pushing and pushing until I got upset. He apologised but I'm embarrassed.

He does seem to be available all the time. This was a bit of a refreshing change from a lot of men who tend to be busy with work, friends etc most of the weekends but he is always free.

I'm sure I'm just being silly but just wanted to get other opinions?

OP posts:
Cherryberrypie · 30/09/2017 23:04

OMG, danger danger danger. Stay away from this man. Twenty three years of experience talking here, it only gets worse and eventually you can hardly breath without causing some kind of fall out. Dump him now while you can.

newjobblewobble · 30/09/2017 23:33

Two weeks, and all this?! Don't stay there tonight, OP.

BakerBear · 30/09/2017 23:39

Bin him off there are plenty more fish in the sea

PickAChew · 30/09/2017 23:42

I'd hope that OP has got pissed as a fart with her mates and gone back to her own in a taxi, but I'm suspecting not.

zen1 · 30/09/2017 23:45

Listen to your friend.

Listen to the posters on here.
Listen to your intuition.

Then leave.

SilverySurfer · 30/09/2017 23:46

m0use11
My best friend thinks it's too much too but then I wondered if she was jealous as she's been single ages. That's why I wanted to get other opinions.

I think being single is a thousand times more preferable than being controlled by a man you have only known two weeks.

Please listen to the virtually unanimous good advice you have been given - he will only get worse.

1Violetcream · 30/09/2017 23:47

Op.... this is not good! Please take some of this good advice. Even if only as not to disappear into this relationship prematurely. But I think it sounds worrying. X

Tissunnyupnorth · 30/09/2017 23:49

How did your night go OP?

Viviennemary · 30/09/2017 23:54

Absolutely red flag re talking about exes so soon into a relationship. And washing your clothes. No that's awful. I agree run and don't stop till you're well away.

Giraffey1 · 30/09/2017 23:56

Hope you are ok, OP, and have had a good night out with you friends. I also hope you got a taxi home and are safe in your own bed! More importantly, I hope you will take time to reflect on what everyone is saying to you on this thread....

Viviennemary · 30/09/2017 23:56

Absolutely red flag re talking about exes so soon into a relationship. And washing your clothes. No that's awful. I agree run and don't stop till you're well away.

Madbum · 01/10/2017 00:01

You keep talking yourself out of your doubts, rationalising his behaviour and making excuses.
Remember you chose to start this thread for a reason. Listen the pp’s they know what they’re talking about.

IrritatedUser1960 · 01/10/2017 00:01

Why do you assume you are "being silly", your gut instinct is telling you that there is a red flag the size of a house there, listen to it.
If you feel uncomfortable that is becasue there is something wrong.
He is trying to control you obviously and is 'love bombing' which I think is highly suspicious.
Take control back and do what you want not what he wants before it's too late.
ALL his ex girlfriends cheated? I smell a rat.

Kindy1234 · 01/10/2017 00:10

He wanted to know about your past.Lets hope he's not going to use anything you've told him against you.I agree with what's been said already.My instinct is telling mr something seems 'off'.At first all this attention seems appealing but I think it's too much too soon..Washing your things..after 2 weeks..seems abit strange...I think you should be careful.

Kindy1234 · 01/10/2017 00:23

If I knew what I know now about men who move in fast to establish a relationship with women then I never would have gotten involved with my partner.One thing these about these guys is that they show their true colours quite quickly with the put downs,the insistence that you are always wrong and the twisting of your words and using anything youve said against them.At the moment he's just watching your behavior to see how you're reacting to what he says and does..you might feel flattered when in reality he's already begun taking liberties.

PsychedelicSheep · 01/10/2017 01:15

I hope your taking some of this on board and are out having fun with your friends.

Where are his friends tonight and why isn’t he seeing them? Bet he doesn’t have any. There’s a reason for that.

LuckLuckLUCK · 01/10/2017 01:39

Meet you in town? Errr, no.

rjay123 · 01/10/2017 02:04

Very bizarre!

CoyoteCafe · 01/10/2017 02:40

He is very controlling.

Just go back to your own place tonight. Stay out with your friends and enjoy them, drink if you want, take a taxi HOME. Say no to him,

Tell him no about the movie. You have plans.

forumdonkey · 01/10/2017 08:13

Did you do what he wanted OP or did you take all the advice and tell him no?

ElspethFlashman · 01/10/2017 08:22

Oh stop all having a go. At least she posted in the first place!

I'm sure she ended up back at his, but I hope will come back over the next few weeks when she wants to get out.

Badweekjustgotworse · 01/10/2017 10:42

Op please just cut him off. I escaped an emotionally abusive relationship by the skin off my teeth. I don't want to go into details but if he's that into you he should enjoy being with you and fitting into your life as much as you fit into his, you should never give up parts of your lives for tobappease someone else. It is possible to be loved by someone and keep your freedom, he's trying to trap you and smother you.

userxx · 01/10/2017 11:14

Massive red flags. The whole rushing is screaming insecure and needy. The fact he pushed you for info on your ex is just wrong - he's seeing where your vulnerabilities lie and he will use this against you in the future. Please please end this now.

usersos · 01/10/2017 11:16

I think this is a reverse

rizlett · 01/10/2017 11:20

OP - it's really important in every new relationship to find out how the other person reacts to a 'no'. If he can't handle a 'no' with grace and acceptance [and it doesn't look like he can.] he's not someone to get further involved with.