New guy - am I being paranoid or are these red flags?

[m0use11]

I met a guy online two weeks ago. On our first date we seemed to click and I do really like him. Saw him again during the week and then last weekend we spent the full weekend together. I stayed over twice this week and am seeing him all this of this weekend.

It's moving quicker than previous relationships I've had and I'm feeling a bit rushed. I'm not sure if this is just a sign that there's a real connection or if I should be feeling uncomfortable? There's a couple of things that have made me a tiny bit unsure but I don't know if I'm being sill.

Tonight I'm off out for a few drinks with friends, preplanned. He was really insistent that he took me out and then that I stayed over at his rather than going back to mine later. This is nice but I now feel under a bit of pressure not to stay out late or get too drunk.

He hasn't yet been to my house and doesn't seem keen on staying round. I have a nice flat and a considerate housemate who I'm sure would go out and give us our own space, so this isn't an issue. He seems really keen for us to 'make house' - This is to the extent where he has starting washing my clothes and buying toiletries when I insisted I needed go home.

He says that all his previous exes have cheated on him or hurt him. This I can believe but I do quite often read this can be a red flag?

He was really insistent on talking about our past exes. My last boyfriend hurt me really badly and I don't want to discuss it but he kept pushing and pushing until I got upset. He apologised but I'm embarrassed.

He does seem to be available all the time. This was a bit of a refreshing change from a lot of men who tend to be busy with work, friends etc most of the weekends but he is always free.

I'm sure I'm just being silly but just wanted to get other opinions?

It's not victim blaming to suggest people take responsibility for their own poor choices, decisions and behaviours.

If it is, I'll have to remain a victim blamer as I am not changing my view on this!

I think some posters on here don't want to be accountable for poor choices they have made in the past. So when the OP's choices are questioned, it is a bit too close to the bone for them.

OP - you obviously aren't willing to stop this relationship whatever anyone with disastrous experience advises, so how about protecting yourself until you are?

Be less available.

If he books stuff without checking you're free-don't be.

Remain in contact with your friends, do not let him reduce this time.

Listen to people in RL when they tell you things.

Stay at your own place more.

Do not over share information that can be used against you in the future.

Fwiw - I suspect if you tell anyone you meet in RL about this level of immersive 'love' in 2 weeks, they'll be wary.
I get that it's difficult if you really like him, the attention is nice, especially if you've been hurt.

Just remember, if something seems too good to be true - it usually is.

He turned up on your night out and got you away from your friends after an hour! That's just not normal. How did you explain that to them? I should think they're all v worried about you.

Just read the first page so sorry if the mood/topic has changed or more has developed but I just wanted to say I knew someone like this. Stupidly got involved with him, it spiralled into him watching my every move, unbeknown to me he was a few steps behind me on nights out, made fake accounts to talk to friends of mine to find out where I was and with who at all times, he'd drive to my house (private road that you don't just path through) to see if my car was there..and then drive to any acquaintances houses to follow my tracks, leave presents on my door step, send deliveries to my house (one was something I'd wrote about on social media 4 years before, he'd studied everything I'd ever wrote and sent me things I completely forgot I ever once wanted) until one night he took advantage of the fact I was very irresponsibly drunk on a night out, he saw a man approach me and didn't like it, took care of the bloke, threw me in his car and took me to his house, I woke up the next morning without the clothes I had worn the night before and he wouldn't allow me to leave.
I got out, months later when the police gathered evidence (he had done ALOT more before and after this to warrant a house search) police found the pair of tights I'd worn that night still on his bed side table. They think he was keeping them as a souvenir I don't want to know what he'd done with them
Get out while you can

OP just because previous guys didn't want to spend loads of time together so soon it doesn't mean that what you've got now with this guy is any better simply because he wants to spend so much time together.

IT ISNT NORMAL!!! You've known him two weeks, you're still more like strangers than friends. This isn't love, this isn't cute and it certainly isn't healthy.

Wow so he wants to spend loads of time together unlike previous guys, that means he's amazing right?

If my DP of many years acted like this I'd be having serious doubts about the relationship. I would honestly run hundreds of miles if a guy I'd been 'dating' stated acting like this!!!
Even just the act of getting in toiletries so you could stay over longer - that's not cute!!! That's fucking scary. If you'd been together a few months and he was normal then yeah it'd be a nice gesture but two weeks when you barely know each other? Nope sorry, it's weird.

He's not into you. He doesn't care about you. he's into having a relationship and he cares about having a girlfriend. If he was genuine he wouldn't be rushing all this. Don't you get it OP, real genuine nice guys DO NOT act like this nutter you've been seeing!!!

I can't for the life of me understand how you can see him or his behaviour/actions in a positive light.

You seem extremely naive and I'm not even that much older than you.
You need to listen to your friend who has some common sense because I can bet my life on it you'll end up losing her if you continue this 'relationship' with this psycho. In fact you'll lose all your friends and family.

If my best mate ditched me after an hour for a psycho guy she'd been seeing for two weeks I'd be having words.

And when your friends do have it out with you over your behaviour, lover boy will come out with the classic "see I told you, they're just jealous. The only person you need is me"

pull your head out OP.

So many men I've met are far too busy with friends and plans to ever spend lots of time together so this is sort of new to me

That does not make this right. It is on the verge of stalking you.

You are entitled to go out with your friends, and to say no to him without him overruling you.

This time he let you have an hour with your friends.

Next time he will convince that you would rather be with him than your friends.

This is a classic sign of a controlling personality, coming on very strong, very quickly which is flattering but buying you toiletries, doing washing and insisting you stay over after drinks is definitely a sign of control! I'm not saying completely end it but if he does or says something again that makes you uncomfortable then just be firm and say so. Tell him that you're worried he's being a bit full on and you won't be controlled, his reaction will likely be very defensive and angry if he is controlling x

After continuing to read your replies, I really think you should walk the other way. This is completely not a normal way to start a relationship and he's very controlling, dropping you off and picking you up might seem nice but insisting on it etc and booking tickets for you presuming you'll be free isn't okay at all! You're being sucked in by all the flattery and the idea of a relationship but there are plenty more fish in the sea. You're friend doesn't sound jealous to me, sounds like she's concerned and knows what she's talking about. Trust me these things can go from controlling to abusive very quickly and they're so manipulative that you would find it hard to leave! Please listen to the advice, virtually everyone on this post is telling you the same thing and you're still trying argue against it. You're not following your instincts at all! X

I read all of this thread last night and found it quite chilling in all honesty. I fully get how exciting and thrilling it is to meet someone new but this guys behaviour is definitely strange to say the least. Also why would you put yourself at risk physically by telling him by text that you will be drinking a lot and that you would get a taxi to his place later on that night? Sounds like he feels no way about being sexually intimate with someone who is under the influence....that right there is a No No and again why put yourself in such a vulnerable situation especially with someone you have 'known' for two weeks only?! I am starting to think that this thread is fake because of the lack of response from the poster plus she has been asked a couple of times by previous people the age of this man and she hasn't answered.

I really hope this is fake because if it isn't the op is being terrifyingly blind and stupid. As a pp said, give it a year and you'll likely be pregnant, isolated and terrified - unless you walk away now. Not sure I can continue reading in case it's actually real

This thread is frustrating. And pointless to have made the thread up if you wasnt even going to listen in the beginning

Ok, well we'll see you again in a few months when you're terrorised, pregnant and not allowed to go out.

No, we won't.

Do you really think a man like that is going to let her on MN, a bastion of women who have been there before and are SCREAMING at her to leave him?

Or he'll kill her. Fifty fifty at this point. I hate to be so morbid and dark, but statistics are on my side.

I'm doing the "two weeks" head exploding woman from Total Recall here. Two weeks? Two weeks?

Dear m0use11 ,
Stop being a mouse. He is manipulating you, ignoring your plans/friends/what you want. This is all about him.

It is hard in the middle of a head swirling swept off your feet kind of time, but you must keep your wits about you. Your friend has her wits about her - trust her...since you are having trouble trusting yourself.

This isn't about you. His words to you, as well as his actions, are to a purpose. His needs are his needs...you might as well be a cardboard cutout. If you don't trot along on a good "heel" he will "correct you", punishment to train you to his ways. If you are lucky he will give you a verbal (hopefully not physical) spanking (lying insults to the core) to save face and (hopefully quickly) move on to someone else.

Nip it in the bud. It just isn't working for you. You do not need his permission to end the relationship. You would do very well to dump by text then change your number as he may not go quietly.
Thinking of you. Good luck.