HELP

[melminx]

MLS HIS TEXTED HE LOVES ME HIS SORRY HE WILL SUPPORT ME AND KIDS. asked him if his stexted her and his just replied yeah to tell her to leave me be and that his sorry. just feels so raw.

Melminx, i am so sorry you are going through this. I think the advice you received from the others on the other thread is good, don't do anything rash, just take time to let it sink in and sort out your thoughts. I'm sure you will be able to work through this, we are here to help you every step of the way with whatever you decide to do XX

So do you think it has gone no further than the texting?

And do you think that perhaps things have been so good for you two in the last few weeks as he was realising that it was you he really wanted and that's what matters?

If nothing has happened and he's told her to never text again straight away, then do you think there's a way you could get through this?

Or is your trust completely shattered now?

(sorry for all the Q's)

i dont know from texts i read she asked why he didnt answer her calls then was a morning you then hours later asking if he was any good at gardening i replied ( he was at park with boys left phone here) that am at home enjoying sunshine with mel and kids she replied ok hun have fun

how do i know his told her get lost why isnt he begging me for forgiveness

This may sound really harsh melminx and i'm sorry if it does, the last thing i want to do is cause you anymore pain but, as someone once said to MLS 'there are worse things he could have done'.

It really depends on yourself and your capacity to forgive and your security within this relationship as to whether or not you can make this work. Its never easy when a trust is broken but it's not easy to walk away from a man you love either. If you left this marriage you would basically be leaving to save yourself from being hurt in the future, 'just in case' but the bottom line is he might never do anything to abuse your trust again.

i'm not sure if that all came out properly

your right i would walk as nott o be hurt again. he swore on our baby girls life he wouldnt text her says i will never let go of past and trust him how am i ever meant to?

This is no excuse, but sometimes men just enjoy the ego boost and attention and conveniently 'forget' that what they are doing will actually cause so much pain and heartache to the ones they love. It's about pure selfishness. And it's no excuse, but it is a reason.

It really doesn't sound like this has gone any further than texts does it.

Would you feel up to talking to him and seeing if he can explain why he was doing it, what he was getting out of it, and where he hoped it would lead (if anywhere). Just to get an understanding of his reasons.

You need a lot more information and a lot more thinking time before you can decide what to do over this so don't be too hard on yourself.

she knows we are together so why is she still texting him. i liked the why dont you answer my calls she sent him. i do need time in too much pain to think straight. keep thinking his still going to text her

I think sometimes, when we are feeling insecure we can react a little more strongly than we normally would. My guess is you love him to bits but you are so scared he is going to cheat on you, betray you that you would rather push him away than let this happen.
Sweetheart, i know this is really difficult for you but if you want to be with him then you are going to have to work on forgiving him. He seems genuinely sorry for texting this girl. Maybe you are not ready to talk to him or lsten to what he has to say just yet and thats fine, you take as long as you need to think things through. But you do need to talk to him. To be able to trust him you are going to have to let him 'in' a little x

Also, he may not have texted her with any intentions of it going any further. I think we all know by now, from comparing experiences, that men are pretty weak little things, easily led, act now, think later! Actually i will rephrase that 'act now, think when the wife finds out'

iohw you said it so right i love him so much

but his not texting me or calling me

Bless you. So lets work from there then. I would suggest you take time out to calm yourself down, think things through and make him suffer let him know through your silence that he has really hurt you. When you do eventually talk, let him do the talking first before you ask any questions. Make him explain himself.

This is just a little 'blip' melminx. We will see you through. Don't worry We dont give up on marriage that easily round here, do we MLS? [smile}

thankyou all so much. my little girl is getting soaked in tears

He is probably being a wimp! men don't face things in the way we do. They step away from it and wait for things to calm down, then they hope and pray that we will have forgottoen all about it by the time they come home and that tea will be on the table!! Blokes just try to brush everything under the carpet. They hate confrontation, its too uncomfortable for them. they don't mind causing the reason for the confrontation though!!

He will probably be expecting you to contact him, just leave it for a while. Let him stew.

i am being selfish iohw and mls you are in pain too im sorry

Oh bless her! Just take a look at her little face, wipe your tears and smile at her. That will do you the world of good. I get a lot of strength from my dd. She deserves my attention more than any man does.

i m not going to text i have nothing nice to say so not going to say anything!

yeah i know she is smiling away at me

You are not being selfish at all!! we are all here to help each other. You have helped me, its nice to be able to help you.

It will all be ok. I promise

No we don't give up easily

Ok... firstly, is he not texting or calling you because you told him to leave you alone?

(sometimes men take that literally and don't realise we actually need them to call and say how much they love us, even when we tell them not to!)

Next, can you get him to come round?

As a first point (and I have been in this exact situation 2 years ago), I would get him to text or call her in front of you and explain very clearly, my wife has seen texts from you and is very hurt and upset. I do not wish to put her through any more pain. Therefore, we can no longer keep in touch. Please do not text or call me again.

You need to see/hear this for yourself before you can even think about moving on.

IMO - I'd get him to ring. I got my dh to text when this happened. It just meant she rang him later when I wasn't around to get an explanation and to hear it from him. If you hear them talk and end it there and then you have a tiny bit of comfort.

Could that be a first step for you?

(sorry - I'm not keeping up well as my boss is here today!!)

And you're not selfish at all! That's what we're all here for, to help each other through it. It's much easier to help when people have been there themselves and can speak from experience.

You'll get through it.

Having your beautiful dd will make sure of that!

he called her weeks ago in front of me and she wouldnt answer phone so he left voice mail message. have looked at phone bill and his texted her about 10 times in the month but only on 3 days she told him shes a lesbian but that she has a boyfriend told him sunday she is a bunny boiler and he said yeah your right