HELP

[melminx]

MLS HIS TEXTED HE LOVES ME HIS SORRY HE WILL SUPPORT ME AND KIDS. asked him if his stexted her and his just replied yeah to tell her to leave me be and that his sorry. just feels so raw.

It sounds to me like this woman is out to cause trouble. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction! Why don't you swap sim cards with your DH? Then any texts come straight to you.

just keep thinking why doesnt he phone me and tell me why just the odd text here and there and no kisses on text either. i know im driving myself nuts! think im goingt o leave phone be for a while even if he texts not reply. give me some time to think and him some time to think too

he is a man and i suppose his enjoying the attention so if i ignore him he'll either go to her or miss me?

Sorry - got mixed up with your kids and thought you only had 1 DD Slightly different if you've got multiple kids to entertain AND it's raining!

Can you pop a DVD on for the kiddies and so get some time and space to yourself that way?

I can totally relate to the lack of texting and phoning from him making you feel more insecure. When I first confronted DH about it, he had a massive fit and basically blamed me for "policing him"

It took me withdrawing myself from him and basically shutting him out for him to realise what an arse he'd been and that he'd have a LOT of making up to do! He did think at first that he could just say "sorry, it didn't mean anything etc. etc." and that would be ok. Try not to assume that because he's not ringing you, he's ringing/texting her. He probably is working and now isn't the right time to discuss it anyway.

Rest assured, if he continues to betray you, you're onto him now and I guarantee he won't be able to do it for long. I think you should definitely give him the opportunity to explain himself....

It's probably because he is at work melminx, he will be thinking of other things. Its a lot harder for you because you are stuck at home and probably this is all you are thinking about. Go bake a cake take your mind off things a bit!

Melminx - apologies in advance for hijack

here here cashandcarry, totally agree

it is hard but decided not to answer his texts give time to think

You have also got to give him time to come to you. While ever you are 'at' him, while ever you are the one trying to straighten all this up you are not giving him chance to step in and do his bit. I think it's a good idea to just leave him be for a while. Give him chance to sort himself out. Well done you!

Well done Melminx - you're taking control of the situation which should put the ball back in your court. Do communicate with him generally but you set the boundaries so that you feel empowered to deal with the situation the way you see fit.

your right i always do the running but im tired of it he caused this he needs to proves he wants to fix it

Absolutely you should let him do the running! I used to do that until I realised it was no guarantee he wouldn't stray. I didn't want to be in the situation where I constantly pleaded with him to reassure me so I started doing the opposite of how I felt. E.g. If I really needed a hug, I'd go and sit on the sofa and read a book. It sounds totally bizarre doesn't it!

It doesn't always work. Sometimes I really need a hug and can't be bothered to arse around so I just say it outright and perfectly straightforwarded - it's my right after all

I'm talking more than a year on from "the event" though so it obviously takes a lot of practice!

cashcarry. i take it letting him run after you worked then? im just so tired. mainly from crying buckets and not being able to eat and not taking thyroxine. i know his working hard but still wish he'd call its hurting so much that he isnt and not having anyone to talk to in person makes time go so much slower too. reading his messages over his saying sorry but think he wants me to ask him back which i have always done. but that needs to stop now. even if the outcome is a divorce. can you trust again?

oh you poor love - course you're knackered, anyone would be! Can totally relate to the obsessive re-reading of his texts - try to put your phone away for a while - out of sight, out of mind as they say

re: the trusting again. I think you can. It really depends on him and how he acts from now on. All you can do is set the boundaries for what's acceptable behaviour and then give him the opportunity to win your trust back.

BTW - the ignoring him definitely worked in the short-term! He's a terrible attention seeker and it really threw him. I still use it now whenever I think he's taking me for granted. Naughty cashncarry

he was on phone to her last night when he said he was at a clients instead of coming home to sort garden out for kids. cant take anymore

Melminx

For your own sanity I think you should put aside your investigations for now. You've plenty of evidence that there's something going on which shouldn't be.

Try to focus on yourself for the minute - what do you want from him, actual steps he can take to reassure you (rather than just apologising), any time you need away from him etc. etc.

just cancelled his sim so cant text him now! sooooo angry.

oooooohhh what i wouldn't do for a hug i can't remeber the last time i had a 'man hug'. I would never have dared ask for one either.

I take thyroxine too melminx. Hope you are feeling better and more in control of the situation.

And (in stern voice) why are you not taking your thyroxine!!! (wagging finger now too)

feel better that i cant contact him. and he'll know now how friggin angry i am. now he'll need to go get another sim. and we'll see then if he makes any sort of effort. it could be completely innocent she could be someone giving advice on us and the business problems because he doesnt want to wear me down with them i just dont know but like i said this way he has to come to me because i have now no way of contacting him other than getting in the car and driving to his siters which i really dont plan on doing!

Oh you guys - you're making me for you both (Melminx and IOHW). I don't do virtual hugs but I am mentally folding you both to my rather large bosom

Have to dash and pick up DD now but will check up on you later. Chin up melminx and remember, if you don't feel strong, fake it (he'll never know the difference!) xx

Message withdrawn

hi mel
Sorry things arn't good for you at the moment. I can't find any other threads but don't know everything.
On another thread did you say he has done this before? can't remember exactly.
I live near you but not in the posh bit and will chat anytime
Take care x

hi bk thanks

I am not a smug married but do have a Gucci handbag does that count?