HELP

[melminx]

MLS HIS TEXTED HE LOVES ME HIS SORRY HE WILL SUPPORT ME AND KIDS. asked him if his stexted her and his just replied yeah to tell her to leave me be and that his sorry. just feels so raw.

tried phoning him this morning on his other phone and he ignored it. i know thats a pay as you go and it has no credit on it. he phoned from his sisters yesterday and did a reverse charge. didnt see point of him phoning just to argue. This sara seems like a nice person and maybe it was someone to off load his worries too but he should have been doing that with me.feel bad about cutting off his phone but was just so angry. think now im way too tired to have energy to be angry. but i do feel its up to him now and i know give it a couple of days and he'll come crawling but worried i'll just get angrier that i have had to sit and wait for him.

WoW! This has taken a turn! I can't turn my back for a minute!

Be careful now melminx, the boot might suddenly appear on the other foot. DH might start suspecting something going on between you and his ex texting 'friend'

Just trying to cheer you up a bit

For what its worth, i would leave him be for a while, just let him calm don a little and get over all this.

And, now this may sound awful, but he did cause all this mess in the first place and now suddenly he is claiming to be the victim because you were angry and didn't believe him.
Don't pander to him. Don't beg him to forgive you. He needs to do some grovelling too!

Melminx I think you're right that you need to give this a couple of days. I don't think either of you will be in the right frame of mind to discuss this incident until you calm down.

However, I would just say that I'm surprised he can just disappear and leave you to deal with the kids on their own. If this is a regular occurence then it's something you need to deal with IMO - not helpful in the slightest.

Maybe you should use this time on your own to try to get the issues sorted in your own head. I like making lists but don't just list his faults, list yours as well and think about some solutions - counselling (individually and together) I think is important. But there are also little things you can do to restore trust in each other. Have agreements about how much notice you give when the other is going out, whether you let each other read emails/texts on a regular basis, regular calls in the day to put each other's minds at rest. These are little things that can make a HUGE difference.

cash your right neither of us are ready to talk doesnt stop me wanting to though. so tempting to pick up phone and call him but dont want to appear to be chasing him he has to want me.

iohw i did send text last night about going to sara team maybe it was less hassle!!! naughty i know but after being told whatever i was ssoooo angry. going to bath and wash hair get dressed open curtains aput make up on today did nothin gbut slob yesterday so need to look good to feel good! just got to give it time i guess. but when you alone time takes forever

I'm chuckling at the idea of you telling him you wanted to become a lesbian

Brilliant idea about making an effort with nice clothes and make-up. I'm a terrible slob when I'm depressed and it really does make you feel worse! I think if you can refrain from calling him, it would be better. Maybe switch off your phone and put it away for a while. Have you got the kids today? If not, do something lovely for yourself - haircut, facial (can be home-made!) or sometimes I go to the Library and borrow a really naff DVD to cheer myself up!

i have the youngest 3 with me. need to go get dd milk from boots so thay will involve getting in car going for a drive.

only said it to wind him up she actually invited me out for a drink told him that too!

maybe im too soft i know his hurting too and all i want to do is go put my arms round him and make it better

Oh that's so sweeet that you want to cuddle him! I feel like that as well sometimes - you'll get there don't worry. You obviously love him a lot - he wouldn't make you so crazy otherwise

Can you take your 3 yr old to the park/soft play and knacker her out so that you can have a peaceful afternoon with your feet up while she's napping?

dd is 9 months old ds3 is and ds2 is 4.5 profoundly deaf and not to good at going anywhere!

I always get it so wrong with people's kids and ages - I never remember the details

You've really got your hands full, haven't you? It must be stressful at the best of times trying to cope with your everyday life. Do you think this might be a factor in your current troubles with DH?

I've got so much admiration for you - I've only got one DD (who's 2) and I'm in a permanent grump because I'm always tired!

no we get time together eldest ds 17lives with mum and 2 dd have been there since friday. we were planning a holiday just us 2 end of august when mum has all kids.

i dont think his gone for good his taken nothing with him for starters. he needs to learn respect and i eed to learn patience with him!

im glad i discovered mn its the only thing keeping me sane right now.

cant stand the silence

are you ok?

did you get my message about perhaps seeing him face to face? I think you need a big hug

Melminx - just come back to this. How are you feeling? Saw on MLS's thread that he's texted you that he loves you. That's good, isn't it? I know you've got a long road ahead but you do clearly love each other so it must be a good starting point...

mls yes thanks i texted him as nice as could how would he fel other way round that i can trust him and i do love him but he needs to respect me and understand the pain his caused me

cash lol!

off to get ds but will pop back here later to see how you are

i think you've done the right thing xx

Hi Mel

How are you doing? Just read your latest posts, hope you don't mind me saying but we seem to be going round in circles. I agree with MLS that you need to talk to DH face to face. This is just pure torture for you, we need some positive action!!

The text you sent was a good start but if you could send one without 'but you' might be a better idea for opening lines of communication. Men have a tendency to bury their heads in the sand if they feel they are under attack. Yes, i know, its sad that we have to play games and pander to them but if you really want him to start talking then this may be the way to do it. It may be that he is just waiting until he feels you have calmed down a little, after yesterday he may be worried about what he is in for

Try not to get too worked up, it will all be ok xx

iohw definate possibility on the leave her to calm down a bit. but also think he is sulking just a tad too long. dont feel that im wrong for being angry at being lied to dont get me wrong am seriously relieved there was nothing else in it. my son has decided to come stay so i have some company and a baby sitter if i had anywhere to go! but no more texting think thats the wrong way to communicate in this situation as you say can easily be read wrong.

hi mel how are you doing today? xx

not too bad thanks little numb but feel stronger than yesterday. but still early yet!

hi there

It was something stupid last night that set me off and once I started crying I just couldn't stop!

Oh well. Today's another day

Have you heard from him?

I understand that numb feeling too

silly text at 3 this morning you dont trust me! which has made me angry because he lied to me. fair enough he didnt have an affair but he still lied about texting her!

are you ok today mls?

I'm ok. Just a bit down and starting to ask 'why' again - but I'm ok

From his point of view perhaps the text was because he wanted to hear back from you and wanted some attention? It's the sort of thing I'd probably do. I know he lied and that can't be excused. But could he have been sending it as he wanted you to write back how much you love him and that you will trust him again?

i know it was for a responce but dont know what to text back i am angry but dont want him thinking he can come back with no apology to make and his got away with it if you like. just dont know what to say to him