why dont parents marry eachother?

[BarbieLovesKen]

Just a general ponder?. I first want to emphasise that I do not mean this as a criticism towards ANYONES lifestyle whatsoever!! Every circumstance is completely different, everyone?s beliefs are different and I really do not think that there is a right or wrong in this at all just genuinely curious??

why aren?t people marrying anymore? ? I mean, if you love someone enough and are sure enough about them to make a baby with them ? this ? the most HUGE commitment you can ever possibly make?.. why not marry that person?.... really? I mean once you have a baby together ? you are bound together for life because of that baby?. Marriage (in my opinion) isn?t half the commitment to having a child with someone!!.........

My friends for instance together since they were kids- (15, 16) and have been together for 15 years now.. they have four beautiful children.. mad about each other but never married and no intentions to do so? I just wonder why not?

Before anyone gives out to me ? I?m not married.. dd (HATE saying it now that shes here) was ?unexpected? but the best thing that ever happened to us so we are, you could say, doing things ?backwards? ? in the process of building the house, are engaged and hope to get married next year? ideally (for us) we would have liked to do this all before she arrived but it doesn?t matter now ? I?m just wondering though that giving the option, if planning for a baby or trying to conceive ? why not get married, house etc FIRST? (I know not everything is as black and white as this but if you love each other very much and want a baby together sort of circumstance - then why not?) Would love to hear reasons/ opinions? just wondered?..

I think a lot of people feel that they don´t need ´a piece of paper´ to prove their love and commitment to each other. They already feel committed and don´t feel that getting married would improve on or add to that. I think also there is a sense that if you are married and you want to seperate you might be kept together by all the legal ties that bind but if you aren´t married, you will stay together more out of choice.

I am married and it´s something I always knew I wanted to do. It wasn´t important that I was married before I had kids but I knew that for me it would be the ultimate sign that I was committed to someone and prepared to be with them, and only them. It´s such a personal choice. I know a couple of people who almost seemed offended when we announced we were getting married, as if we were criticising their choice not to!

Each to their own.

Not sure why either. I consider having children together a bigger committment. Feel being married probably makes dc feel more secure regardless of how warm and loving their family life is. Getting married is also a great way of saying to all your friends and loved ones that this is the person you love and intend to be with for the forseeable future and making sure they acknowledge/know each other.

In my case it was because I would have had to have both of my parents in the same room at the same time and that would have stressed me out so much that I decided not to bother.

Am quite glad now seeing as we split up last year.

Can't see the point really. We're not religious, are both totally secure in the knowledge that we love, trust and are committed to each other, and have all our legal documentation sorted. The thought of getting married just seems like a bit of a hassle. We've been together 8 years btw. I think the stats for splitting up are higher if you're not married and have a child (indeed 1 in 2 if David Cameron is to be believed) so that could be a reason I guess.
Call me complacent but I really don't think we will ever break up. People say that if you are married you try harder but we have been through some rough patches (who hasn't) but at the end of the day we both want to be together. Whether you're married or not, I think the most important thing about staying together is that you're not out of love with each other at the same time!

I am married but now sometimes wish i wasnt.....it means you cant go out and pull other men you fancy!Well, not without feeling guilty.

At the end of the day, marriage is just a piece of paper and sooner or later it all goes wrong anyway!
it does also bound you legally, and lots of people stay married to that person thinking that they owe it to them, even if they live a Goddamn miserable life because of it.

ooh dear.. fc.. negativity in bucketfuls there "sooner or later it all goes wrong anyway"

Sorry!! just my own sad experiences x2 !

Money money money.

WAsnt married with ds1 (only just met LOL, but was engaed...) married with other boys

If I wanted i could leave Dh tomorrow, get a divorce. But kids are forever.

Also, I heard that mariage is actually growing in popularity again stats wise- so maybe thingsa re changing?

Anyhow TBH if the baby comes first there are often wedding prorities. You might want to save, or whatever.

God this is a bit depressing - poor fc.

We are not married at this point in time because we'd rather spend the money on having a family and a nice place to live.

We got married for the tax break!

"I am married but now sometimes wish i wasnt.....it means you cant go out and pull other men you fancy!Well, not without feeling guilty."

I know you're joking FC (at least I think you are) but that's the one thing I don't like about not being married - other people not taking my 8 year relationsship as seriously as another couple who have been married say a year. It makes me determined not to get married though - the more co-habiting couples who stay together forever, the more people will understand that a commitment is a commitment regardless of whether you've had your 'big day'.

my partner used to say "marriage is the first step towards divorce!"
But were getting married this year anyway!

Sorry didnt mean that marriage is more important that being a co-habiting couple! As i have been in both and theyre the same thing to me!
i just meant being married is harder to get out of.. for legal reasons etc..and is taken more seriously when you split up (for some reason).When i split with my first child's dad it wasnt as much of an issue to some people as we werent married.

More difficult to get out of ?
I think that is one of the reasons that people do it.
I like to think not the main reason , but one of.

I have never felt able to promise to stay with any person for the rest of my life. I would want the words to be meaningful and true, if I said them.

are you going to bin dp?

we can barely afford to feed ourselves at the minute never mind pay for even the smallest wedding!

we plan on marrying as soon as we can afford it though

Me cod?

I don't know, maybe one day. I reserve the right to do so

itll be as bad as divorcing surely
ihtink its cos the bloke is toos cared and the woman edoesn wnat a daimond enough

I have quite a few friends who haven't married because they have not discussed it with their dp's. It really is a topic that must not be brought up in their company for fear of scaring off their dp's and yet having babies is not seen as such a scary commitment. Having a baby is much scarier IMO we didn't have ds until 8 years after we married.

i odnt get it
have a baby and dont civil parnterhsip or marry
i jsut ODNt get it

I have some good friends who have been together 15 years, have two dcs, a mortgage, pension etc - but are not married. My friend said to me that it's now got to the point where a wedding would just be a very expensive and pointless piss-up and wouldn't increase her security or change their relationship, so she doesn't see the need to bother. I can see where she is coming from tbh!