why dont parents marry eachother?

[BarbieLovesKen]

Just a general ponder?. I first want to emphasise that I do not mean this as a criticism towards ANYONES lifestyle whatsoever!! Every circumstance is completely different, everyone?s beliefs are different and I really do not think that there is a right or wrong in this at all just genuinely curious??

why aren?t people marrying anymore? ? I mean, if you love someone enough and are sure enough about them to make a baby with them ? this ? the most HUGE commitment you can ever possibly make?.. why not marry that person?.... really? I mean once you have a baby together ? you are bound together for life because of that baby?. Marriage (in my opinion) isn?t half the commitment to having a child with someone!!.........

My friends for instance together since they were kids- (15, 16) and have been together for 15 years now.. they have four beautiful children.. mad about each other but never married and no intentions to do so? I just wonder why not?

Before anyone gives out to me ? I?m not married.. dd (HATE saying it now that shes here) was ?unexpected? but the best thing that ever happened to us so we are, you could say, doing things ?backwards? ? in the process of building the house, are engaged and hope to get married next year? ideally (for us) we would have liked to do this all before she arrived but it doesn?t matter now ? I?m just wondering though that giving the option, if planning for a baby or trying to conceive ? why not get married, house etc FIRST? (I know not everything is as black and white as this but if you love each other very much and want a baby together sort of circumstance - then why not?) Would love to hear reasons/ opinions? just wondered?..

no lillyloo but some people are!! am going to get off my soapbox now

Thanks Swift so theres no such thing as two people (shock, gasp, horror) thinking it's not just for them but they have made the biggest commitment of having dc's and are choosing to bring them up in a family unit minus the piece of paper/ Surely not !

The single mums I am close to and help out on a weekly basis with childcare etc have extremely hard lives. One is a doctor, the other lives on benefits and does unpaid work in a school. I never breathe a word to either of what I've said on here - that's the beauty of anonymity on MN. I'm actually angry on their behalf that they're the ones left raising the kids. Had they been married they would have had more rights on divorce and their blokes might have thought twice about walking out.

UCM: DS is 2. I don't actually see myself printing this thread out and keeping it for several years till he's old enough to read it.. His dad and I have already agreed on a child-friendly version of how he got here IE mummy and daddy are friends who don't live in the same house but both love him very much. How many people actually tell their DCs how they were conceived FFS? (OK, there's a while nother thread here about what and how much one tells DCs if their arrival was a bit unusual ie adoption, IVF, donor insemination, surrogacy etc - or if their conception was kind of not good: people do bear and raise children whose conception was the result of rape).
As to one of us finding a partner who won't accept DS, well we've both agreed that any such partner would be told to piss off. OK,. nothing is entirely sure and predictable in this world but DS dad current behaviour tends to make me think that, whatever he does in the way of new partners and subsequent infants, he will still love, care for and be involved with DS. And if we'd decided to become a couple and/or get married, we wouldn't have any more guarantees.

I didn't read up to your last post Madamez. So apoligise for that.

apologise...Doh.

i employ lots of women,some single mothers and some find it difficult but generally their children are loved and happy not poverty stricken. If a man is going to desert a woman, whether he has a ring on his finger or not rarely comes into it.

Chattea: while I'm not entirely familiar with the law, does the CSA make that much of a distinction between married and unmarried mothers when it comes to claiming child support? Life as a single parent (ie with the other parent not living in the same house) is hard, but life as a parent is hard! Life as a married parent in a working-for-minimum wage household is quite possibly harder than life as a high-earning single parent, in some respects.

Swifterella - I hope I am not 'ignorant'. I happen to believe that the decisions we make have a knock-on effect for society and that the devaluing of marriage has been detrimental to those with the fewest advantages in life. Marriage gives rights and protection to mothers and this protects vulnerable children.

'Madamez, I do sincerely hope that your LO doesn't ever see that about you & your friend being great drinking mates who got a little careless one night.'

PLENTY of folks conceive after a one night stand and have their children.

Why the vitriol?

At least she knew him!

I've had drinking mates and gotten 'careless'. I also have a fuck buddy.

If I had conceived, I'd have had my child.

Does that make me a bad person?

The child is loved and cherished, so who's business is it how they were conceived?

Good grief!

Heh I have tracked this down Oblomov

I like the idea of being able to procreate by myself actually

how does it though? If a man decides to leave how does being married protect the children? (apologys for calling you ignorant, i am pre-menstrual and grumpy)

Sorry to be ignorant but what rights does marriage give you. And how does it stop someone walking out. (genuine question)

and Madamez you sound like you are both doing your best to be adults in what could be a very difficult situation

not all parents want to play Mummy and Daddy in a Topsy and Tim type household

oh i do

atho dady dos eem to driev a renault 5
not so keen on that

Ok Madamez its a bit hard to fight against what you have just said as you sound loving, reasonable etc.

I can't help feeling that the total ignorance of marraige (sp) is having a negative impact on society these days. People are being given the right to behave irresponsibly. As I said earlier this is only my opinion, but I really do stand by this.

People need to have a path. You can all go on about freedom to think/choose blah blah blah. But there does need to be a path that people follow. Ok, you liberals might say you don't want to be with the herd. Fine, but if everyone starts going off on their own little trip, you have something called anarchy where everyone is so fucking individual that they don't belong to anything or any group. We are all on here because we are responsible mums, yes.....???

Some general information:-

If the parents of a child are unmarried, then only the mother has any automatic rights in respect of the child. She alone will have parental responsibility for the child, which covers all aspects of his/her welfare and upbringing. However since 1 December 2003 (s111 of the Adoption & Children Act 2002) it is now easier for an unmarried father to acquire similar rights. All he needs to do is to register the birth of the child with the mother.

An unmarried father can also acquire joint parental responsibility or (in extreme circumstances) sole parental responsibility, if the parents have entered into a Parental Responsibility Agreement, or if he applies to the court and they grant him an order in his favour.

Therefore if an unmarried couple split up the mother will automatically have the right to look after her child in a manner and place as she sees fit, and the father could not challenge her unless they have entered into a Parental Responsibility Agreement or he has a court order in his favour.

The father can apply to the court for joint parental responsibility, a residence order (ie that the child live with him rather than his/her mother), or for a contact order (ie that he should be entitled to see his child on a regular basis).

I have admitted before to being of Mummy's wardrobe, cod

she is the uber style queen

she flirts wiht the buiders

have also commetned on daddy sodin sod all tbh
he goes to wwork
she teachersthem sto swim
deals wiht nits
takes to shoe shop
adn fire station open day etc
ahs that clouded your judgemebt

Nits wtf?? Builders??? You have a racier set of Topsy and Tim books than me

Oh bugger you lot I am off to another thread!

you havent lived
9 years of t and t

oh cod i love you!!

ucm you are bonkers-so now if your not married your a pot smoking liberal leftie who is corrupting the youth of today (swifty ponders whether UCM is infact david cameron??)

They do NOT have nits in my ones

seriously, are you making these up?

In mine they just go to a fancy dress party

erm lose their buckets

have weather type events (snow, fog, etc)

Mummy helps the lady next door have her baby

erm.....

no that is it

and Mummy wears immaculate A line skirt and gloves in every one