30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

I find weekends the hardest! Stbxh hardly ever spent time with me and dd anyways so I don’t really know what I’m missing! He used to stay in bed till 2pm so it was just me and my little girl anyway!
He went round a female friends house last night, with another male friend I hasten to add but it’s been driving me crazy! I must stop checking fb!

Well done Ami that's fantastic, I know it's still really difficult but be proud of yourself for sticking to it.
Liza I know what you mean about weekends, even if you didn't really do much with them. I suppose it was just knowing that someone was there (even if they were asleep!).
Today's my first proper day without contact. Blocked him yesterday morning so have almost done 24 hours, I have no wish to unblock him at all and feel so much better knowing he can't text or call. Now whether he calls or not I won't know so I can't feel bad if he doesn't or get anxious if he does. Not too much planned for today, I usually work (from home) Saturday as it's my busiest day and ex would be here watching ds so I've given myself the day off and am going to see my sister, ds loves dneice so it'll be nice for him too. I'm now trying to focus on me and ds. I am thinking of a future where I don't have to listen to exes bs lies and broken promises and it looks good, just got to get thIs heartache out of the way first and no contact makes the process so much easier.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend, we CAN do this, and we will all be stronger and happier in the end.

Try not to look Liza. Mine has stopped posting on FB which is odd as he’s normally got verbal diarrhoea on there. He’s not going on that much. (Yes I’m checking sadly). The 24 hours after leaving work Friday was our time of the week so this is the toughest part of the week for me too. Deep breaths and crap telly is helping

Did you have a good time with your friend Ami?
I had to block him on FB (not that he uses it much), I've also unfollowed (but not unfriended) all of his friends as I don't want to see a picture of him pop up.

I did thank you. Didn’t check the phone all night either. I did feel a bit sad this morning that there were no messages but in hindsight that’s good I suppose. I also looked (with dread) to make sure I hadn’t sent any which I hadn’t so double good. I can’t block him on FB. I know it doesn’t help but I’m coping. How are you today?

That's really good going, not contacting him after you've had a drink shows me what a strong person you are, I don't think I could do it. Have you got any other plans for the weekend?
I'm good today purely because I've blocked him so he can't contact me. He only tries to manipulate things anyway, flipping from "I'm sorry, I should have told you but you don't love me anyway" (I've proved over and over I loved him, taking him back after he left for ow and then had a dd with her - yes, I feel like a mug), and "fuck off I'll do what I want".
He might turn up at my door to see ds but I have already told him to go through dsis for access.

I don’t really know how I did it but good. I suppose at least he’s showing me some respect by leaving me alone, shame he couldn’t have done that sooner really. Yours sounds very manipulative. What a twat. I hope he doesn’t turn up at your door. I’ve no plans today apart from recovery from the hangover. Cosy night in tonight for me.

It's good he's leaving you alone and that's really for the best but it doesn't stop it hurting like hell.
I'm thinking about what I want for the future now and it's definitely not a lying manipulative scumbag, I find it so much easier not speaking to him but I know as soon as I have to have any kind of contact (like when he contacts dsis to see ds), I'll be struggling again but I'll cross the bridge when I come to it.

Just notice this thread is nearly full, should we start a new one?

Yes definitely start a new thread. Let’s keep the support going

Ok I'll start one if the ok, not sure how to link it though

Really hope this link to new thread works
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3053751-30-days-no-contact-Thread-no-2

Well that there was a connection forming with someone else (who lives in his city and is at the same life stage) was one of the several reasons put forward for ending it, but then downplayed. Plus I can see he's been out overnight several times this week so ...

This is the man who a week and a half ago was saying he was so happy we were each other's, that I was perfect for him, that he loved me. Oh and even when we broke up that he still loved me, will miss me, will find this so hard, but he just can't make it work anymore ... it's like flipping a switch for some people, isn't it?

So glad I found this thread. I am on day 30 of an NC breakup. My partner of 6 years finished our relationship via a brief phone call. A few hours later I was text to say all my belongings were ready to be passed to me if I wanted them....nearly 10pm on a Sunday night. My ex partner has got a friend to do all of the passing of my belongings. I should also add about a year ago I gave my place up to move in with my partner and her two children....I had practically been living there since the 2nd year of our relationship. So I left the house on that fateful morning with what I thought was a happy committed relationship to then have no family, no home etc. Out of utter respect to my ex partner I have made no contact in any form although it has and is devastating. The DC were told the relationship finished because sometimes love isn't enough?! I was not even given the opportunity to be part of that discussion with them. So reeling from the end of the relationship, losing the DC but trying to understand the brutality of how it was done.....any advice gladly received.

Well done. I have tried this I don’t get very far. We split up in March and had some awful times over the past 6 months. We have tried to be friends but then something will always happen that ends in an argument. We are still trying to sell our house and still have a lot of things entwined. I did manange a couple of weeks of only essential contact when I was feeling quite strong but it doesn’t take long before I cave.

I did this with my ex

He cheated on me with a minor

Two months later texted me begging for me back

Never replied

He ended up stalking me

Dad and his mates went to his house and threatened him... lol

Found out recently the minor is his gf and he has cheated on her multiple times and she has no dumped him for a new guy

k a r m a xoxoxo

Without having a discussion as she initiated (same sex relationship) the break up and NC I don't know what has happened.....her eldest just post GCSE in addition to being a teenager has attachment issues towards her mother ...can bully her mum like you wouldn't believe and they have both had joint counselling in the past. I perceive the daughter is the parent and the mother is the child so it did get tense at times with DC behaviour. My now ex is on a high dosage of anti depressants (all 3 siblings have been on the same since their teenager years) and had endured parenting from a narcissist mother who often initiated NC and her brother initiated an NC a few years ago (also on depressants)with her so I am beginning to think it is something in her family? I have for years been on mumsnet as a stepmother for 6 years and I have found it a source of support....I have passed my ex in the car twice in the past 30 days...I have just looked ahead.....we live in a small town so this will be inevitable.

Can I ask as a man, what do you think of when you've reached the end?

I've spent the last 3yrs pushing her away after my kids mum died. She was there and I've dismissed her!

She let me back into her life once more and yet I did the same thing once more...

She's now met someone and I want her back so badly. I've finally realised how bad I've been even though I did it for the right reasons.

She won't talk or text or even call. I'm blocked everywhere. I've tried this 30 days rule and failed miserably. I now think my efforts have pushed her further away.

I know this is all my fault and I don't deserve her but I truly love her with every inch of my soul, I just got it wrong.

Is it for the best that I finally leave her alone and admit I'm going to be empty for a long time??

I have no contact with him personally I have to remain in contact with his dad as he will eventually when court hurries up be the 3rd person involved when he sees our dd I have to get his dad to pass on messages such as "remove my number from his Tesco bank account I keep getting texts saying money has bounced "

Does this count as no contact?

Yes @Sugarfree10 it is best that you now leave her alone.
With what you have done you will have killed off any love she had for you.
And once it's gone it's almost impossible to get back.
She spent 3 years of her life being there for you and you pushed her away.
She has found someone else.
Leave her to it and try to move on with your life.

Well done..if I had done that with exh I wouldn’t have gone through 4 years of hell

Thankfully I didn’t date until the decree nick came through
So none else got dragged into it

Thank you hellabellsmelons, it as though the answer was obvious... 🙁

However I bumped into her and even though I asked and she said no, along with the pain, there was a look in her that said I wish you could just hold me... My friends say I should not contact her and move on. If anything this may show her I've changed and am the person she met and may ignite old feelings??

I genuinely don't want to move on. But I don't want to be alone. I feel that I would be settling and that's not fair for anyone.