30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Meant to say well done on getting to day 8, you're doing brilliantly.

Thank you so much. I don’t feel like I’m doing brilliantly. Just a bad day today. I hope you’re ok. We can do this x

Ami I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Some days are just shitty I guess. I agree, it's such a rollercoaster. I hate this feeling of one minute being 'ok, I can cope' and the next feeling broken. Sorry I wasn't around to hand hold last night. I just stopped looking at my phone because I know in my heart I'm hoping to see a message from him. I'm glad we have this group

I'm off to see a counsellor today. This was my first relationship after coming out of my marriage so it's hit particularly hard. I'll share any interesting insights xxxx

Good luck with the counselling. Here goes another day x

aminuts sorry you had a bad day, it’s a horrible feeling. I went through of just feeling so angry all the time.
mums glad you are not getting drawn into lies, you’ve done it before, you can again!

withering let us know how counselling goes, I am also going in next week.

Thank you Autumn, I've had several texts and missed calls so this morning I called him, told him I don't want to hear from him and I am sick of the lies, of course he said he hadn't done anything wrong because he can't admit it to himself because that would make him a horrible person so he keeps lying to me and to himself. Said not to call me again and to go through third party with regards to access to ds.

Wish I hadn't called him now because I'm left so angry and he's acting like I'm wrong for pulling him on his lies.
I'm actually shaking, i shouldn't have phoned.

I know he will not contact me again for at least a few days (possibly weeks), and although it hurts now, I will recover from this.

I’m doing terribly at this NC thing. Trying to keep it just about DD is so difficult.
He messaged me about DD and I replied and said ‘she’s good,’ but got annoyed that he hadn’t asked how I was! So I text him saying ‘I’m fine too, thanks for asking,’ but then it snowballed and I asked if he was finding things hard and if he was missing me. I don’t know what I was trying to do, maybe to console myself because I do miss him so much, even if we weren’t right for each other. I’m such an idiot! Someone please tell me this gets easier!!!

Wow he’s borderline harassing you!

If you are ok with him he can hide from himself. Good for you for stepping away and protecting yourself. This is your life and he’s intruding into it, he can back off! Women’s aid don’t they say to be like a grey rock, very basic, avoiding any conflict, stepping right back, not looking at messages. As you are doing.

It does get easier! liza I know I was so angry that he wasn’t falling over his feet wanting me back. But really I’m doing this so I can separate and concentrate on myself! The emotions around a break up are extreme. You can just reset and distance yourself again, it does get easier each time.

Damn damn damn. Got to day 8 and I caved. Sent him a message which he immediately replied to but then I stupidly sent a flirty one drunk and since then he's gone back to his old ways of keeping me on the hook. I hate myself for being so weak right now.

Back to day 1

Thanks autumn

I’m back to day one too, sohurt. Wish I hadn’t given him the satisfaction of knowing I was missing him. What a donut

I hear you sister. Why oh why did I give him the upper hand again? Now he knows he misses me he thinks he can sit back and throw crumbs for me to chase.

It's awful loving someone you know isn't right for you. But i'm buggered if I"m going to stroke his big fat ego any more.

*I miss him not he misses me. Wishful thinking if ever there was

Yeah, he says he finds things difficult but he distracts himself! If only things were that easy!

And what’s even more difficult is the 2 girls I work with are both planning weddings and are all loved up and happy. Eurgh.

Exactly! How is it that they say they miss us blah blah blah but then just get on with their lives. In some ways I admire it. I wish I could just switch off like that too.

Hang on in there Liza, vent on here as much as you need. I know the feeling, everyone I know IRL is loved up and expecting babies...it really hurts even though I know I should feel happy for them and feel petty for being a grumpy old cow inside.

Liza and sohurt I feel your pain. It’s just shit. Try not to cave. I’m Day 9 and I haven’t caved so far. I’ve had moments when I really wanted to, especially when he posted on FB the other night about how loudly he was being ignored!! Self pitying twat. Let’s be strong together

It’s so nice to know I’m not alone guys. I try to visit this thread instead of texting him. I need to be stricter with myself!!

Right now I can't get past anger but it has only been 2 days although I know he was deceiving me for weeks before that. He keeps phoning and texting telling me I've got it all wrong, he just wants to see his dd but why lie in the first place if there's nothing in it? I've always supported him seeing his dd so there was no need to lie. Right now, I hate him with every fibre of my being.
Well done to you all who've managed to stay NC and those that haven't, done beat yours of up, it's a process, we will all get there in the end. Off out for tea with a friend now.

*yourselves

Enjoy your tea. The anger will pass, mine is although when I get sad I have to find my anger again to get through it. I’ve been to hairdressers for a glass of wine and a new ‘do’

I’m staying at my sisters and my 15 year old nephew is over. He always makes such a fuss of my DD and she adores her big cousin. It’s so lovely seeing them play together. Cheering me up loads!