30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

It's so difficult to do this NC when you have kids!
How have other people handled this situation?
DD is with him this weekend and I so want to message all the time but so far have limited myself to messaging twice.
I am also guilty of FB and WhatsApp stalking. It's so unhealthy that I hope the urges will fade in time!

I guess it helps to think of the goal of NC for you liza. For me it's trying to distance myself and actually separate. Even though he's living in the house and we have kids! So I can't ignore him completely. But I

• only talk about the kids
• keep it really minimal and business like
• respond to questions in texts about the kids with 'ok'
• don't ask him about the kids when he has them.
• take eow by going away. The other he goes away.

I guess it's just keeping it very minimal. Several times my Ex turned talks about the kids into friendly exchanges and I just ended the conversation politely and went off. I've tried the friendly route, it ends up with me feeling even worse but suits my Ex. I can't wait to move out.

Hope everyone is surviving Saturday night? It's hard on your own.

I'm out, tried a bit of theatre, then a bar, now with some terrible band! It's good to get out though. There are lots of people out, reminds me there's a whole world out there!

I am mumsnetting on a bar stool in a club! Trying to look as if I'm replying to all my attentive lovers.

I have been dancing all night! It's great. Although everyone is a lot younger than me. The women anyway. Some great dancers. No one has chatted me up sigh..,

But I'm not angry! I'm drunk! And I don't care. Having a great time. No way am I texting him. Don't care about him. 😊😄

I failed miserable with the NC thing last night. And I feel so ashamed of myself because my daughter is with him! I just can't get used to not telling him every single thing that goes on. Or how I am feeling.
Anyway, my daughter is home today. I'm focusing on that. Missed her like mad (it was the first weekend since it's all happened that she stayed over there). I should've just posted on here! I'm such an idiot

Thanks MiracleCure. Everything just takes that much hated word- time. I'll get there. But this thread helps a lot. Knowing you aren't alone and aren't going insane is a great comfort

Yes don't worry too much liza I hope that you are feeling better now you can focus on DD.

Sorry you are feeling the anger miracle it's all those future hopes that we had. Shame.

I got home fine, to find a note from him in the kitchen saying that he understood why I was being distant, but that he really missed being able to talk to me. Then when I went to bed he texted me to say hello.

It's so sad and heartbreaking really. But I didn't reply. Not seen him at all

Did the OP ever update? Hope she was able to move on.

Oh so sorry miracle that is rubbish. It's awful giving someone space and then... nothing. Be prepared for him to come running back when he suddenly realizes that you aren't just waiting around for him anymore.

Saying hello to you on this special day though. Maybe he'll text later. Horrible to be just waiting. It's like he's so wrapped up in himself that he doesn't see how much being the one made to wait is, it really takes a toll.

He grabbed me and gave me a big hug yesterday. A real regretting everything type hug. I felt too awful not to hug him back. But I'm still keeping my distance. I feel like I lost a bit of my resolve, and older child saw us hugging and has been off with me since. Confusing for him I think, and me, this merry go round and it reminds me that this softening by him doesn't resolve anything.

Did you text him miracle? I think I'd wait but I know that's not quite possible always.

Luckily I've still got lots of away weekends coming up for the next two months and he's still working late.

Of course pm away not sure I'm that great at advice, should have sorted out my own situation a long time ago.

I don't feel that resolute as I did hug him back. . However this NC thing has helped massively as I still feel resolute. Just not as angry as his obvious missing me helps to think I'm not the sad one and he's just fine.

Can't let it just go back to any half way house though. No way.

Yes it's dangerous as the reason I'm being NC is that he has ended it before, no real discussion, then he missed me, I take him back under certain conditions, then it's limped along until the next time. I've increased my attempts to break out of the cycle, including now refusing to take him back. I definitely need to keep up NC and more than likely end it. Well it is ended. To keep it ended! I am keeping to my plan to move out, I just can't do it yet.

The NC felt too weird before, I thought how can this work while he's still living here? But it's actually doable in a non horrible way. Helps that he works late.

He admitted to staying with family on weekends he's not around, and going to Internet cafes. I thought he was happy but he's miserable. Just shows we don't always know.

Yes miracle I wonder is your man doing NC too?! I wonder, maybe there is calculation there. I guess you call him out on it, or just leave the space there. Hard.

Can I join you? I’m now Day 6 of NC. I’m up and down with it but trying to be strong.

Hi ami. I'm joining having been dropped over the weekend. Today is day 2. Maybe we can hand hold?
We agreed that we wanted to stay friends, but I've subsequently found some things out that makes me think no contact is the best route.
He messaged me twice last night to check I'm ok (and that he's been thinking about me a lot!) which I've ignored.
Don't quite know what I want to get out of no contact. A part of me is hoping it will make him realise what he's lost I guess ...

Withering consider your hand held. I had that initially too. Ignore him. I’m in the same boat. He put a self pitying post on FB last night. I’m Day 7 now. I’m feeling a bit better, like I have a bit of control back if that makes sense

I hope you don't mind me stepping in.
I joined a similar thread in around June 16. Now 16 months in no contact and I remember how hard the early days are.
I still can't say I'm completely over the experience however I'm at a stage when the adrenaline has worn off and I'm properly rebuilding my life.
Keep going.. you're all doing amazingly and will get there

Hey ami ** I think mine doesn't honestly know what he wants. Literally went from telling me how much he loved me to 'I can't do this' within a couple of days. It's one of those 'you're so amazing but for xyz reasons it can't work.'
I know he's bad for me but I love him and miss him. I just need to get through this and come out stronger.
Well done on ignoring his messages and lol at the fb post.

Withering mine went from being brilliant to suddenly ending things whilst we were abroad on holiday (saying he’d ended things before we went - failed to mention 😕). Since we got back he’s told me I’m brilliant, he still wants to be mates, still wants to see me etc. He has anxiety and I half wondered if he’d just worked himself up over the holiday or whether he’s just a massive tool. Either way I deserve better and so do you. I wondered if a friendship could be rescued in time but I’m thinking probably not