should i pay towards my half sisters uni costs?

[JudyBlumeForever]

It's a long one but I don't want to drip feed... Wasn't sure where to put this as its a bit relationship, a bit money matters and a bit AIBU so sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic.

Backstory; I am NC with my stepmother, my dad and her got together and had 2 dc but I was never allowed to be part of their 'family'. The relationship between her and my dad ended and id be allowed to stay with her and my brother and sister for one week every summer and a few days over Christmas but very low contact apart from that. When I was in my early 20s she said something shudderingly unforgivable and I cut her out of my life completely; this meant having no contact with my half siblings as it would have to go through her.

So I have 2 half siblings but never had a family type bond with either of them and zero contact for over a decade. They are complete strangers to me and I wouldn't recognize them now.

Yesterday one of my aunts got a phone call out of the blue from my stepmother. It transpires that my sister is going to university but her funding won't cover all the costs (rent, transport, food, books, etc) and there is around a 4k shortfall a year. The course my sister is doing is very full on and not one that can really have a part time job running along side it. Stepmother was after my contact details as she knows my granddad left me a quite substantial inheritance and out of all the people she knows I'm pretty much the only one who can cough up the dosh without it really affecting my life/bank balance. So she wants to know if I'll cover the shortfall. My aunt refused to pass on my phone number but said she'd pass along the request.

I'm really fucking torn. I hate the SM has tried to get in touch with me, but, and it's a big BUT I'm wondering if I should transfer my sister some cash as a monthly allowance (so not a huge lump sum) as its a difficult course and I feel her degree is very worthwhile and I can afford it. But she's practically a stranger to me (last time I saw her she was 6), the request hasn't come from her, and I continue to want zero dealings with SM. But education is so important and I know I am fortunate to have left uni with no debt, and it's not my sisters fault SM hasn't saved towards a uni fund and can't afford to help.

So should I pay? Should I ignore? Should I try and get in touch with my sister to make sure its not some weird scam? And if I pay then is it fair on my other sibling or should I start paying him an allowance too?

Difficult one. It's a shame they've only bothered to contact you when they need financial help. I would maybe suggest starting communicating with your siblings, or getting them to communicate with you, without your step mother being involved, in the first instance, so you can make a more informed decision and get a better gut feeling with it all. Best of luck.

Honestly, I would say no. Your half sister has made no attempt to establish a relationship with you. She's obviously old enough to do so. I think they are looking at you as a cash cow. If you agree to this request, they will likely keep coming to you for more money.

Your grandfather left you money, if he had wanted to leave some for your step sisters education he would have done so.

Why would you pay either of your half siblings an allowance? What on earth.

People work through the summer to save for uni, do tutoring alongside their courses, live off beans, apply to their university hardship fund if they need to, etc.

Sorry to be harsh but - cheeky fuckers.

Tell the aunt to tell her to piss off it's got scam written all over it , and you don't not speak to somebody for years and then ask for cash as your opening gambit .

No, no, no.

Your sister could have made contact with you over the last few years. The only reason any of that shower want to know you now is because you have a bit of money and they don't.

Don't let them mug you.

No. I agree with Lemon.

Your half-sister could have tracked you down and made an effort to stay in touch.

No. Absolutely not. You have no relationship with her. How hurt will you feel when you hand over £4k and never hear another word? What an awful person her mother is.

Hmmm I would ask for a full copy of all the paper work... I suspect due to your SM income she is supposed to make up the £4k income!!!

Personally I think you would be mad to give her the money. I can't actually believe the cheek of her. The step mum will keep coming back for more with more sob stories about your siblings.
Even if you were to transfer it directly to your sister it could still be for your step mum, you don't know your siblings they could be a bunch of liars after some cash.

IF you decide to give it to her then I would advise you to pay it directly to the university or whoever it is collecting the tuition fees.

I really think your setting yourself up for more hassle if you give her the money, it was left to you by your grandad. Would he really want you giving it as a monthly allowence to two strangers?

No I wouldn't. She is a stranger. It's also unfair on her sibling. Or it could be a scam. Either way, they should live within their means. You might have spent all of the money or want to spend it on further education for yourself.
Mostly, I think protect yourself.

Absolutely do not pay.

You have no relationship with any of these people and you don't owe them anything.

She will have to get student loans and work in the holidays like everyone else does.

Eh? Of course not! You are not welcome to be part of the family but you should cough now? Why in earth should you?
Fwiw I put myself through uni, full on degree course with two children and worked night shifts to fund myself. So whatever course she is doing she absolutely could work alongside it. Or get a student loan, like most people.
I think their request is outrageous and I would be torn between being furious at them taking me for such a mug and laughing hysterically at this request.

On a purely practical level: If the 'funding' they're referring to is the maintenance aspect of her student loan, then this is means tested on parental income, on the basis that parents will contribute. This is something that all of us with uni-aged dc are facing, and most of us don't go chasing after relatives with whom we have no relationship. The legacy they're after was left by your grandfather to you. And you can do as you want with it, including giving money to your half-sister. But frankly I think you'd be a mug if you did.

Don't be a mug op.
If your ss is old enough t go to uni she's old enough to get in touch with you.

Hell no would I be sending even a penny!

No.

Definitely not. Step Mother is responsible not you. SM can pull her bloody finger out and get a job to pay for it if necessary. I can't believe the brass neck TBH. I'll be cross with you if you cough up

Of course you should not do this! She hurt you, now wants your money for her daughter. You're not Cinderella. It will not help your sister to get a handout from a stranger. She can get a job in the (3 month long ) holidays and get a student loan.

Shouldn't she be chasing your father for the money, not you?

Student loans. Personal loans. Work through holidays. Hundreds of people have done it. They sound awful. Don't feel guilted into it.

I wouldn't at all.

Actually I think if your half sister has just turned 18 then given her mother I think it's expecting a bit much to think she should have tracked you down and built bridges before now.
You are right I think that she's not to blame for her mother.

I don't think you "should" financially support your half sister. But you may want to meet her and see what you think. Now she's of age you can form a relationship without your SM involved.

Definitely not!