DH has just done something he's never ever done before

[sleepingonthesparebed]

Called 111 about his own DS without thrusting the phone at me or staring at me in utter bafflement when I seek out of hours medical help for the DC.

He's even just given DS calpol without asking for my help and taken him to the OOH appointment just now, on his own. This is a big thing for DH.

Now I just need to work on these things with him:

-not just buying what he needs from the supermarket and forgetting everything else even if he has a list

-not buggering off in his Lycra on another flaming bike ride when the DC and I are expecting to spend time with him

-him being more proactive and involved with getting the DC to bed

-him arranging childcare, packed lunches and signing letters from school (steady on!)

-only taking his stuff from the laundry basket
and leaving it on top of the washing machine 'to be washed'

• tidying up the kitchen while I'm still cooking and putting the things I'm going to use away before I've had a chance to use them

• telling the DC to eat their veg but leaving his on the side of his plate

-not staring at me and DS in abject frozen horror when DS is screaming and won't sleep but instead actually offering kind soothing words and cuddles and help with the bedtime routine.

He can be such an insensitive selfish tosser at times. Other times he completely lovely.

Currently the improvement plan is work in progress but at least with the OOH incident I have a glimmer of hope for the future.

Please share your tales of similar DH tosspotterty and how you (and they) overcame them. LTB isn't an option but was considered at 3.26 this morning when the fucker refused to move or help with screaming baby.

Wow PoorYorick if you're getting so disturbed by my posts, and can't scroll past without getting so wound up, maybe you should take a bit of a rest from screen time.

Well that wins the prize for smuggest and most patronising post of the year. I can almost see your self-satisfied smirk from here HM.

If you were really so harmless and "helpful" you wouldn't be getting this sad enjoyment from winding women up about a genuine and serious issue. You could be spending your energy on acting like an adult instead of your own "screen time" hanging out on a predominantly woman's forum in order to patronise and feel superior.

I saw this on FB and thought of this thread.

www.facebook.com/viralthread/videos/1280295928778913/

What petal head said

I'm still not great with the laundry as DW is hugely protective about the washing machine and if ever I suggest putting a load on (typically my sports kit which I'll need again in a a few days time) she tells me to leave it and she'll do it later.

Yet, nothing is actually stopping you from ignoring her offer and use it yourself, is there?

I wonder if there's a reason why your wife would rather you didn't do the laundry or certain other jobs. Because strategic incompetence can lead to you thinking "Oh no please don't, I'd rather do it than deal with the mess you'll make."

I also thought that when you mentioned having a prepped ingredient sitting in a bowl. That would irritate me a lot because it's extra mess and washing up for no reason except to pretend to yourself that you're Jamie Oliver.

And yes I may well be projecting my feelings about my ex still bitter

It's also telling that he'd do his own sport equipment, but no mention of an offer to do any other laundry.

My ex used to put only his own clothes too. As if he was the only one at home. While I'd put anything in the laundry basket.

He did manage to take care of DS and the home while I was away, though. It never crossed my mind to leave instructions.

Not sure why an adult has to suggest to another adult that he puts a load of washing on. Surely he just puts a load of washing on?

Oh, unless the little lady, god bless her, has her own little ways? Don't want to upset her, do we?

I'm still not great with the laundry
How can anyone be 'not great' with the laundry😂I don't understand. It's sorting piles into different colours and literally pushing buttons on a machine.

You can choose to do it or choose not to do it but it's not a skill to be 'great' at.

The only question an adult should ask about laundry should be:

"I'm doing whites/colours/whatever. Does anyone have anything they want to add now?"

Yes, why talk about Putting A Load On, who does that? We all know how the machine works and how to use it, it's not brain surgery.

Here you go, HarmlessChap, You should have asked

Another twatty incompetent husband.
keep him OP, just so you don't inflict him on some other poor victim.

Surely he just puts a load of washing on?

I'll admit I don't like it if my boyfriend does just that!
I have a system based on most need. We don't have a tumblr dryer yet, so its not easy to just put a load in as it needs to be dried after.
So if he wants to wash his work clothes or something, he will ask if he can use he machine.
I usually just tell him to leave them and I'll do them.

He's more than capable of using the washing machine, if needed.
But we agreed when we moved in together, that I'd do the washing and he'd do the ironing.

Speaking of washing and useless DPs, I just asked mine 5 minutes ago if he'd take the laundry down while I dealt with our DS. DS now settled, I find the laundry basket still in situ...

Emboo, why can't your boyfriend simply look and see if you've got drying space and put stuff away if it's hanging dry to make room...and then put a load on himself? Like I assume you do? Why does he have to ask you?

Is he actually blind or stupid? Because those are the only reasons he might not be capable of just looking at the situation himself.

Or is it going to go from here to him not being able to see of you're out of food or nappies, or if the table's a mess or the carpet is an inch thick in dirt, and it's your fault because you didn't TELL HIM?

I have the same problem harmlesschap. When my husband goes away with work , the kids and I run out of clean clothes because I can't work the washing machine , it's so complicated.

And he has his sweet little male ways, I don't want to upset him by doing it wrong. Once I put a brand new red cotton t shirt into a 60 degree wash with his white work shirts and turned them all pink. So I think it's best if I leave it up to the expert now.

It hardly my fault, my father never taught me to do washing and it was never covered at school. So how can I possibly learn ? These things come naturally to a man but it's harder for us women.

When he's away for a fortnight, we can hardly move in the kitchen for piles of dirty clothes everywhere. And the kids run out of clean school uniform after a week. But you know us women, we don't really see things until they are pointed out to us.

And I agree that communication is the key. All i ask is that before he goes away he writes a detailed list of everything that needs done for the next two weeks. And that he phones me several times a day when he's abroad , to remind me to do things like feed the kids breakfast and take them to school. I'm not psychic after all .

Bravo, @Kr1stina - best post of the thread.

why can't your boyfriend simply look and see if you've got drying space and put stuff away if it's hanging dry to make room...and then put a load on himself? Like I assume you do? Why does he have to ask you?

Like I said I ask him to ask me!! Yes he can see if there's room and he can and does put the clean clothes away (More than I do as he does all the ironing and putting away).
The only things that get washed separately are his work stuff, and they go on a long wash and take ages to dry. So if he's put them in and I come home and was needing to wash say DD's bedding, I can't.

Like I said we agreed I do the washing he'd do the ironing.

And in response to the other stuff PoorYorick NO! He's not like that, he does his fair share, probably a bit more than I do if we count maintiance jobs, decorating etc. We take turns with food shopping and he doesn't even need a list, he just checks what we need before going.

We take turns with food shopping and he doesn't even need a list, he just checks what we need before going

Well now that's amazing ! The man is a genius. Up and down the country there are men who can't ever do the food shop because their partner didn't write them a list. And now the problem has been solved in one fell swoop by MrEmboo. Give that man a medal.

Does he have any suggestions for another male dilemma - I can't do the ironing because I don't know what needs ironed / where we keep the ironing board / what temperature to use ?

Surely dd's bedding is less time sensitive than his work clothes?

He puts his work clothes in, the bedding goes in next morning?

Has anyone said that it all works out in the end because the man changes the oil in the car and puts up shelves yet?

I'd really love to see one of these houses- what do they put on all those shelves????????!

We take turns with food shopping and he doesn't even need a list, he just checks what we need before going

I'm sorry Emboo, he does sound decent but I'm still kind of astonished at how low your bar is. I went shopping just now, with the toddler, using a list I made all by myself without any help from grown ups. Do you think I'm incredible?

Is the incompetent men thread still around? It's quite an eye opener.

The very first one was deleted at the OP's request, but the sequel remains.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2703947-Incompetent-Husbands-What-Happened-Next