DH has just done something he's never ever done before

[sleepingonthesparebed]

Called 111 about his own DS without thrusting the phone at me or staring at me in utter bafflement when I seek out of hours medical help for the DC.

He's even just given DS calpol without asking for my help and taken him to the OOH appointment just now, on his own. This is a big thing for DH.

Now I just need to work on these things with him:

-not just buying what he needs from the supermarket and forgetting everything else even if he has a list

-not buggering off in his Lycra on another flaming bike ride when the DC and I are expecting to spend time with him

-him being more proactive and involved with getting the DC to bed

-him arranging childcare, packed lunches and signing letters from school (steady on!)

-only taking his stuff from the laundry basket
and leaving it on top of the washing machine 'to be washed'

• tidying up the kitchen while I'm still cooking and putting the things I'm going to use away before I've had a chance to use them

• telling the DC to eat their veg but leaving his on the side of his plate

-not staring at me and DS in abject frozen horror when DS is screaming and won't sleep but instead actually offering kind soothing words and cuddles and help with the bedtime routine.

He can be such an insensitive selfish tosser at times. Other times he completely lovely.

Currently the improvement plan is work in progress but at least with the OOH incident I have a glimmer of hope for the future.

Please share your tales of similar DH tosspotterty and how you (and they) overcame them. LTB isn't an option but was considered at 3.26 this morning when the fucker refused to move or help with screaming baby.

I'd really love to see one of these houses- what do they put on all those shelves????????!

Dirty laundry and washing up?

By the way, OP...

Maybe I should be having a chat and swapping tips with his XW about what he was like with their daughter as a baby.

I think you should be asking her about why the marriage ended.

If those are your only issues you should consider yourself lucky imo

Honestly. I bet you're one of those people who it's dad's on the heads for even daring to take their own children outside to the shops.

*pats!

*dads

Fucking autocorrect

My bars not low at all PoorYorick! I mentioned the no list and him seeing what was needed, in response to your comment that he'd not see if we were out of food/DD's nappies etc!
I don't know if he writes himself a list, I honestly don't ask. If he says he's doing the shopping, I trust he'll get what we need. He'll ask if I want/need anything specific and I'll tell him those things. I've never had to say, we need nappies, toilet roll, cheese, milk.......or any other normal shopping items.

I'm a little bit neurotic with the washing I blame my dad so I prefer to do it. Of course he can and will do it. And if something happened to me, DD wouldn't be going round in dirty clothes or anything (her bedding would be washed a bit less often though).
I was only replying as HarmlessChap said his wife was particular about the washing and I get that.
In my parents house it's my dad who's particular about it, so my mum leaves him to it.

And he does do more DIY than me, not putting up shelfs though (we only have one in DD's room)

the minute i.e. 6:07 20k walk 8:15 ds breakfast etc if it's not done to the time he turns into the ex Liverpool manager with the hand and watch the time gestures, he times our showers if I'm washing my hair and longer then 7 minutes he will turn off the boiler and leave me to wash my hair in icy cold water,when we catch the train or bus we have to be 30 minutes early.

That's not normal and he is not lord of the fucking boiler

I'm still not great with the laundry as DW is hugely protective about the washing machine and if ever I suggest putting a load on (typically my sports kit which I'll need again in a a few days time) she tells me to leave it and she'll do it later.

Yet, nothing is actually stopping you from ignoring her offer and use it yourself, is there?

But it's her washing machine right?

Surely he needs permission to wash his own clothes. It's nothing to do with laziness and handily having a laundry lackey.

Any adult member of a family should be able, without instruction to do whatever is necessary to keep that family running, clothed, fed, bills paid, comfortable, at school or work with appropriate lunches and "stuff". It's not bloody rocket science!

And I think I would classify "any adult member" as anyone over 16. With exceptions for bills and car stuff obviously.

"Men just don't see mess the way we do"
"Men just have lower tolerance for hygiene"

Sadly, mine really does. I don't think it's related to the chromosomes, just personality. But I knew what I was getting into - when dating, his flat use to be very tidy with everything out away yet at the same time, every surface was covered in a film of dust and sinks always had a grease rim. He ended up getting a cleaner, because I never wanted to stay over at his more-centrally located flat. I couldn't relax putting my glass down and seeing a little puff of dust raised, so I'd clean. He'd feel shit and start cleaning, telling me not to... And so instead of sitting down with a bottle or red and a movie, we ended up dusting :)-

Any adult member of a family should be able...It's not bloody rocket science! And I think I would classify "any adult member" as anyone over 16

Dear gods yes - or we have failed as parents. My MiL, who was forever saying you can't expect men to do household stuff once made the comment in DF's hearing. He was born in the 1930s, pointed out that any man who went through National Service would have learned all the skills in basic training. They were just bloody lazy if they didn't help.

We seem to be going backward in expectations.

"Sadly, mine really does"

But presumably, being a competent adult, he makes sure that there are no clouds of dust or grease rings now?

Kr1stina

Bertrand I work from home, so he doesn't get a chance to clean (I can't focus if it's messy). He's in charge of tidying up. Which, with kids, is pretty much an endless task.

My husband thinks he's in the military, everything is to the minute i.e. 6:07 20k walk 8:15 ds breakfast etc if it's not done to the time he turns into the ex Liverpool manager with the hand and watch the time gestures, he times our showers if I'm washing my hair and longer then 7 minutes he will turn off the boiler and leave me to wash my hair in icy cold water,when we catch the train or bus we have to be 30 minutes early.

No, your husband thinks he owns the lot of you and is a controlling prick who needs a dishonourable discharge. Draw a raised middle finger on the boiler and get out of there.

Anyone who turned the hot water off on purpose on me would die a slow painful death.
Or would always shower in cold water, because I'd make sure to turn it off every single time they started to shower. At least until I'd leave.

I've noticed on these threads that these incompetent men are usually feted as being In Charge Of The Bins; the one household task for which they are responsible.

This In Charge Of The Bins task is a huge time commitment and requires the physical strength only found in humans with XY chromosomes apparently.

And by In Charge Of The Bins obviously I mean taking the full kitchen bin bag, walking 10 yards outside and dropping it into the wheelie bin.

I hardly need to say that this doesn't include any of the women's work bin-related subtasks such as:

• The actual shopping for bin bags
• Cleaning out either of the bins themselves
• Cleaning up any spills en route to the wheelie bin
• Attaching a new bin bag onto the kitchen bin
• Emptying bathroom or bedroom bins or any advanced tasks of that nature

Popchyck It also doesn't cover, at least in my household, the fact that he needs to be reminded to do the fucking bins (and not just leave rubbish on the side if it's full), and that even with that reminder, often forgets, so we miss bin collection day.

My 11yo son does all the laundry in our house (for pocket money). He only needed a short tutorial from DH. The first week or so, he kept things back if he wasn't sure if they were delicates or might run in the light wash. We're about 6 weeks in & he has it totally nailed. It beggars belief that an adult male can't do laundry. Teaching our boys to be competent members of the household is something DH & I have agreed will stop them being part of the next generation of cocklodging idiots & will hopefully mean they make decent husbands & fathers.

Probably not the comment you wanted to hear (sorry) but these were my exH's (albeit much smaller) problems - so I left him when I found out DS was on the way. I couldn't deal with all of his shit and trying to take care of/sort him out AS WELL AS a newborn!!! Have a stern talking to him thoroughly explain how you feel and why you feel it. Make sure everything is about YOU not even him or what he's doing e.g. 'I feel like....' 'from my life I want....' even a few suggestions thrown his way if you think it may help or think about finding someone who appreciates you & what you do and wants to have an input into you, the house & your beautiful children good luck xxx

@illegitimateMortificadospawn brilliant!!! Such a good start to young adult life to teach them to be independent!! My DS is only 6 months ATM but when he's old enough he will be taught how to put clothes in washing machine (or at least collect them up) and dry up!!! 😂😂❤️

I've been single for a long time and every day I send up a prayer (even as an atheist) that I don't have one of these pathetic blobs in my life.

To whoever said If those are your only issues you should consider yourself lucky imo I feel deeply sorry that you have been brainwashed into thinking this behaviour is acceptable. What do you consider unlucky? Broken bones? Sexual assault, Being strangled?

Thread after thread on here women describe what they up with in their relationships. The men never change. I read that some are scared of not having a man in their life. I can assure you, I would rather be single for a thousand years than put up with the ghastly lives that some on here decide to settle for just to not be without a man.

Tagging on: how on earth do you live with such an utterly selfish man? What are his redeeming features? Because the "taking only his own washing" would just be the end for me.

Every thing @rortycrankle says.

I'm almost coming to despise woman after woman who puts up with such utter twattish shit, because she can't bear the thought of being single. As if being single is just the worst thing.

Is it really worse than being treated like a servant, being belittled, being taken for granted. No it is not. And a lot of women need to wake up and smell the coffee.

Because your dons will go on to be the same selfish twats.

What utterly baffles me is the number of women enabling this juvenile behaviour and having such low expectations of men but it's feminists who get called "man haters"!