The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I'm going to start off here as I've just downloaded the POF app and I'm really struggling with it. Is there a way to limit how far away people can be? If so I can't find it.

It's a super confusing app! Any tips from people who are using it?

I use the site rather than the app. One trick I have noticed is you can apparently send voice messages on the app, but they go weird for people who only use the site, so don't bother!

Thank you Pringle and anothernew for your comments on the other thread, very kind. I'm hoping for better luck this time around!!

Thanks @pringlecat I turned off voice messages as I thought it was a bit weird. I might use the website on my phone instead.

Marking my place.
I think I'm going to bite the bullet and ask one of my other irons out this weekend. Mr Surf is still messaging me but it's pretty boring stuff, the other Iron I have been talking too seems to have far more interest in me, asks me questions about things unlike Mr Surf who tends to talk about himself too much. Only down side to this Iron is he keeps trying to sext me even though he says he's not looking for a hook up, I tend to ignore it and not encourage it because when we talk about other things he seems really nice. I might meet up with him Sunday and if it does end up as just a hook up I won't be too disappointed 😀.

POF is a bit dead after a few crazy weeks, had one message this morning from someone I don't find atractive.

Hi again, just marking my place, thinking about my date tomorrow and the feasibility of LDRs...

LM meet the other one. Definitely. What's are you going to call him?

I've never done the chatting to many irons thing before. But I get way too excited too quickly and end up falling for people who can't/won't commit. The last one was v painful. I'm not doing that again.

So we have...

Iron 1: Mr Nature. (i'm super excited and resisting another visit to OI corner) Dream man if he's real; WhatsApp go!!!! Not sure when/how we can fit a meeting due to kids, but as he seems to be superdad I'm happy to wait and work it out.

Iron 2: Mr Charity was v exciting and we booked coffee for tomorrow. But since then he's disclosed some issues; I'm concerned that it wouldn't be healthy for me. But it's booked so I should go and see how I feel.

Iron 3: Mr Secret Agent. If he doesn't respond soon now that I've asked him what that means, he'll be gone. I'm not putting up with cagey shady talk any more. If they can't be real (or at least explain why they can't tell me something) they're not for me.

Iron 3.5: I only called him this because he'd sent one message and I'd replied. But now we are chatting. I feel like I know him because each brief stint on OLD he's been there, and I noticed him but we never got in touch... I'm going to call him Mr Buff because his arms look v muscly and just right for snuggling into. He has potential!

Placemarking! Well done on new thread Pringle.

Another date with mr Texan this evening, hope he doesn't drop by today though, having a big sort out and I look like shit as all dusty and sweaty! Will have to put him off if he wants to come by.

Hi everyone.

So I got ghosted three times in a row after promising first dates. I've got another date tonight and I'm already thinking, whats the point cos he's probably going to ghost me again. Not the best attitude to be going in with! If this one doesn't "take" I really am out of the dating game for the time being.

Good luck to you all!

Oh bloody hell nearly that's quite bad luck! I think ghosting is so bloody rude especially after you've actually met someone. Good luck tonight and stay positive x

Just marking my place for when I'm ready to re enter the crazy world of OLD - my heart needs recover first x

thanks Fieryfighter trying to stay positive here,,,

Anothernew Im the same as in falling for ones who won't/can't commit, been there and got the t-shirt (last one was 6 weeks ago) and now scared stiff of it happening again so will be an ice queen going forward.

Lots of Irons going on for you and they all sound pretty promising! What are the issues with Mr Charity?

Nearlyfree17 They say things happen in 3s so hopefully you've got all your ghosting out of the way and this one will be different. Good luck! Keep us posted.

Overflow from the last thread - what's the best phrase to use to let someone know you don't want to go out again? Two dates but made the mistake of chatting for ages for weeks before (2/3hrs each night) so now feels like a mate.

Would actually like to be friends with him. How do I tell him?

I am feeling frustrated with someone who always messages but doesn't seem to want to meet. 2 seperate conversations were initiated yesterday and I suggested meeting up and got a non committal answer, followed by two more conversations being initiated the same day. I don't get it at all!

Divorce I think just telling them directly is best!

Place marking and after a desolate couple of weeks currently have 4 irons.

These 3 are from tinder

Mr Chippy - a carpenter who lives close but works almost 200 miles away, probably not a realistic prospect but he messages the most

Mr B/W - in the profile photo he looks lovely but only has one black & white one and we all know how flattering that is, plus he's dressed up in a suit so not sure how he dresses in everyday life. He's the only one who has suggested meeting so far, but no date set.

Mr Virgin (his employer not his experience level) - seems very much on my wavelength but maybe a bit too deep - although he didn't recoil in horror when I said I was watching Love Island last night so maybe I'm doing him a disservice.

This one is in RL
Mr Blonde - I work in my local pub, one of the other staff has probably been saying for a year that this customer is into me. We do get on really well but I've never had the vibe that he likes me any more than any of the other staff (admittedly I am slow on the uptake though). my colleague has been giving me a good talking to about how I need to do something different if I want a different result and I should give this guy a chance and I must admit I have started to look at him a bit differently and think it wouldn't be a terrible thing if we did go out. so even though we're only at the "my mate fancies your mate" stage, I'm classing him as an iron for the first time.

Hi all - checking in to the new thread (thanks Pringle)

Divorcedating - I'd say just be friendly and honest. Something like

'right. Well, I've been thinking about this, having met in person, and while it's disappointing I think we don't have the physical spark that I'm looking for. That's crap, I know, and I was hoping there would be one, but I don't think that this is going to turn into a romantic relationship. But having said that, I think you're great/interesting/funny/whatever, so if you'd like to continue being friends, I'd really like that. But I understand if you don't'

Rip the bandaid off.

Hi all, place marking on a shiny new thread. I had another disappointing 1st date a couple of weeks ago with a guy who I just didn't fancy at all and some of the things he said about himself just didn't ring true to me. Since then, I hadn't been bothered with OLD until I spotted an old friend on POF who I've been chatting to and met with once as a date.

We are going to see how things go, which is exciting, but nerve wracking too as we know each other but not really. He is refreshingly honest about himself, which I love, because my most recent relationship was with a recovering alcoholic who had problems telling the truth.

Looks like things are really hotting up for some other people too, so exciting.

Hey Bant, what's new man, any action?

Nuffink, info - One iron went quiet, another one I've gone quiet on as she was just talking about sandwiches and lolling a lot.

No dates on the horizon, I really can't be bothered at the moment as I'm just working, doing stuff with the kids and catching up with friends in my free time. Plus I have Netflix :)

I have a date with The Spaniard for Thursday.

Mr PT wants to speak on the phone later.

Mr Outdoorsy wants to arrange a date for next week (I told him I was busy this week).

Mr Top Prospect is starting to irritate me now. Every time I don't reply, he sends me a smiley. Like a bump, look at me. He's Italian and from my experience of living in Italy, Italian men can be intense and not take no for an answer. I am getting irritated and don't feel like I want to reply.

Re ghosting, I used to hate it. But I now think it's acceptable after a first or second date. Any later on, I think one person should give an explanation.

Bant What, Netflix and no chill?

Netflix, wine and ice cream. That'll have to do.

I think that dropping out of touch with someone you haven't met yet is par for the course. That's not ghosting - which is only when you have an actual relationship of sorts, which includes having met in person and probably at least kissed if not slept together

Whether to get in touch with someone after one date? Well it kind of depends on how the date went, doesn't it? If it ended with a handshake and goodbye, then no reason to. If it ended in a kiss, then that implies further contact is expected, in which case one should say why you've changed your mind.

Personally I think it's a case of treat others how you'd like to be treated.