The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Minop I think I'd have to text him. And keep believing you're worth it. There is someone out there who'd do anything to be with you.

flower regarding texting I think do whatever gives you better peace of mind. Sometimes that means texting (as long as waiting for a reply doesn't do your head in) and sometimes not (as long as waiting doesn't stress you out)

I agree though, it is hard. Not sure if others agree but sometimes I think paying close attention to who contacted who and when does me more harm than good

I hate the whole texting thing, drives me nuts waiting for a response and then wondering if my last text needs a response . If he asked you a question and you answered they may not be a need for a response? I would send one more text and see if he then responds, if he doesn't then give up. I don't chase, I tend to just sit watching my phone and feeling rubbish because they haven't responded.

I'm having a bit of a wobble this morning about my date last night, I think I might have opened up too much about my past and may have ruined things , I wouldn't be surprised if he runs a mile. We have agreed to just see each other once a week and take things slow, he wants me to go and stay at his next week as I haven't been to his place yet (he lives near the beach so wants to take me for a romantic walk). I was worried about the fact he spends a lot of time with friends at the weekend and was wondering if he was seeing someone else or was still in a relationship, he has kind of put my mind at rest about this and he spoke about me meeting his friends at some point. I'm still treading carefully and I'm too scared to over invest (holding back a lot mainly due to trust issues and previous expereance). I don't know if I should still be on POF or not, we still haven't spoken about it but I don't feel the need to log on at the moment.

Love I totally get that. I had a bit of wake up call re holding back. I would hold back a lot, and really, for me, it's about fear of rejection. If they reject you, you can tell yourself it's fine cause they didn't really know you anyway. But it's not real then, is it? It's an avoidance tactic. So it's better to just be real. Say too much, be too much, be you. And if you're too much for them, that's ok. It's better to know. And you'll learn something.

I kind of realised that nothing is forever; at some point things will end or someone will die Hearts get broken. So you have to choose to accept the risk that it could be painful. However, it might just be wonderful.

Pay attention to how you feel and do what is right for you. They'll either step up or they won't. I actually think yours sounds quite decent. Try not to apply that filter from your past, and concentrate on the hard facts instead of what it all might mean.

I get that too love - I often regret things I say.

But then I think: I am the sort of person that wants to share that sort of thing at that time, and don't at the end of the day want someone who likes me for who I am?

Besides - sharing that sort of things wouldn't ruin things unless they were already not going well anyway if that makes sense? When getting to know someone there is rarely one or other thing that can ruin it, short of really bad things, it's about a build up of things.

I hope that's helpful?

Thank you, makes me feel a bit better that I'm not the only one.

I haven't heard from him today but he's sent me several messages last night, I'm trying not to panic as he often goes a day or even 2 without messaging. I'm going to stop looking at my phone and take the dd's out somewhere. I don't know how I feel about things but then it's very early days, I'm not sure if I feel a strong connection with him or if it's just the me holding back and being petrified to feel anything. Anyway, signing off and trying to not overthink about it.

I just cancelled a date with Mr Serious. He was so flaky with messages that I didn't think he would turn up anyway. Lately I have cancelled and deleted more than I have dated!
Still writing to Mr Hot, Mr Snowboard and a previous iron wrote to me so Mr Electric. I gave my number to two men on pof the other day. One has written to me, but I don't know which one it is! 😂

Who's starting the next thread?

You are, Bant.

Sorry. I should introduce myself. I've been here for 3 years on and off. I was on lots of older threads. We made the original rules.
Not a good advert for OLD but a sign of the times maybe.

However, stay positive always and onwards and upwards..

Hey cool

I've been on here on and off for ages too. I had a relationship for a couple of years, which was great, I thought it was a forever thing. But to be realistic most new relationships, like most new businesses, fail.

Those of us who have been in a relation or marriage strong enough to have children with them - we forget the horrible dating in our teens and twenties before we met that person. We forget all the shitty awkward dates, the confused conversations and missed opportunities. Because we think we've found the One.

And then we find out much later on that they're not the One, and so we hope the next one is the One.

But they're probably not. It's very unlikely that they're our next big thing, our forever thing. But they could be someone to make us happy for weeks, or months, or maybe for decades.

In the meantime, if we don't get out and meet people, we'll all just end up getting cats.

Cats are the way forward, they are loyal and will love you forever as long as you feed them, so much easier than a relationship

Cats make you stressed, suicidal and schizophrenic. Sorry. There's research on it.

(actually it's the toxoplasmosa parasite they carry which does it, but they're part and parcel)

Having cats will eventually make you crazy and smell of wee.

I want to buy cats just so I can shamelessly live out the cat lady stereotype. Next I'll get a walking stick and rocking chair

smeaton has to start the next thread... :)