The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Pavonia Definitely not! Didn't work for me at all no matter what site. Haven't had a date in 5 years now. Just got to keep plodding along and hope one day someone pops up in real life.

Firey I would be a bit anoyed too, he should have just called off the date when he was feeling unwell rather than keep you waiting. Yes people get ill but it's not hard to say 'sorry, not feeling great, can we do it another night?'.

Things pretty quiet here, Mr Surf has messaged me once tonight but has not read my reply, Mr local sent me a couple messages but won't here from him again today as he works weird shifts and goes to bed at 8pm.

I have tried a few other sites including elite singles but find there's no one local to me (all ok if you live in a city or large town but I don't), I had 3 matches on tinder last night but none have messaged me.

Shatners. Be brave and ask friends do they know someone and can they introduce you? Or even ask acquaintances.

So I have 2 irons at present

Mr Courier- really good looking but physically and it seems emotionally unavailable. He runs his own business and seems to spend all his time working. Have chatted on the phone and he has a cracking sense of humour. Says he wants to meet but we can't find a day when we're both available.

Mr Big Shoes- am meeting him on Friday after work. Don't fancy him as much as Mr Courier but again has a good sense of humour and has taken an interest in me- asking questions etc
Trouble is he's been married twice, divorced twice, has admitted to mental health issues in the past and is 36 but lives with his dad.
Are these red flags? I don't know- I don't want to hold things against him if he's just been unfortunate in life this far

Thanks Pavonia! That's a good tip.

Firey - I think that is not at all ok. If you gently but assertively say something about that it will be interesting to see how he responds.

I am not giving advice though! I think you have to set your own boundaries on the basis that you might find people who don't like boundaries can decide to disappear.

Movingon - I don't know whether any of those things are red flags. I would be wondering too in your position, but still tempted maybe to meet and find out?

It really wasn't the falling asleep and leaving me hanging, I'd understand it's just a fuck up but it's the lack of apology that incensed me as I'd be so apologetic if it were me.

I'm seeing him tomorrow and will say something I think as it is bugging me. It may be he was very whoozy when he woke up and didn't think (headache from chemical fumes). Yes I agree it will be interesting to hear his response

It's very hard when you're trying to be cool and chilled at the beginning of a 'thing'!!

movingon I think I'd be wary of Mr big shoes but I run a mile from mh issues myself. I wonder why he feels the need to divulge that so early?

Wow thread moves fast 🙀

shatner I generally meet people in RL, parties are good, friends of friends, public transport is a huge one, even dated people I've hit with my car 😀 ummm a police officer who came to deal with a stalker, neighbours, people I've met on courses. Dipped in and out of OLD over the years but never met anyone I wanted to see more than twice 😳 Tinder is really busy, I can't keep up although only met two people so far and seen them both twice which is my maximum. Definitely have a psychological barrier when it comes to that third date, ghosting the first person (but he's pretty secure I don't think it will bother him) and the second one I'll just think of something to text in a few days time. (I've been single for a really really long time and not sure I want that to change substantially, but do like meeting people and trying to keep an open mind. I want to want a more committed relationship so that's a start?)

Mumfun I have more female friends than most men I think. I regularly ask if any of them have any single female friends they could introduce me to. They don't. I think I must live in the most couples area in the UK!

shatner I think women often shy away from introducing men to their female friends as they feel responsible if things don't go well!

Fiery it was in response to me explaining why my marriage didn't work- exh has mh issues and used them as an excuse to have an affair

moving fair enough then. I wouldn't pay much mind to the living with his dad thing, that could be for many different reasons and it's very common these days to have to have a stint back home as mortgages and housing can be tricky. My ex is living with his mum after we split up as he had nowhere to go, hasn't decided what next and she needed help as she was grieving. As long as there is the intent to move out at some point I personally wouldn't worry about it until I knew the reason.

Movingon - yeah, those are massive red flags. Mental health issues themselves, well, different people have different approaches. Some can work around them, some will avoid them completely

But he's 36, has two divorces under his belt and lives with his dad. Those are two mahoosive red flags right there.

Where will you stay. At his? With his dad? Or will he want to move in with you straightaway. Why doesn't he get his own place? What caused his marriages to end (a divorce at 36 is relatively early. Two divorces is a pattern)

I would stay the hell away from this one.

Just to add to that - when I split up with my ex wife I moved to my mums for a bit, while also looking for a job as I'd been made redundant at the same time. It took me a couple of months (actually 6 weeks) to get a job and a flat and get myself back on my feet.

I still wasn't ready for any kind of dating or relationship for several months after that.

I need advice! Know a man in rl who messages me all the time but is less keen to meet up as often as I'd like. I messaged him just now to say 'let's hang out, I feel like our online to rl conversations should at least have a ratio of one to ten' and after a long pause all he replied with was 'you're probably right' without any suggestions to meet or anything. This is now in his court, right? Should I give up? He then started a conversation about something unrelated!

I would totally leave this now aardvark you've been very clear and if he doesn't suggest meeting now I don't think he's interested in RL

I would give up as well Aardvark he just wants to flirt by the sound of it. You woild be better off flirting with someone who wants to date.

Today I had to block an old iton. The one that was controlling before maths geek bf. I hadn't blocked before because after sending unpleasant messages he would apologise and I thought that letting him vent may make him bored and he would forget me he knows where I live and work . Today straight away he wanted to blame me for his depression. We haven't seen each other for over two months and only dated around two months. I'm glad to block but not happy to know he's still angry with me.

Mr Cook is still sending lovely normal messages and I'm trying to focus on that.

Sounds like it's a mixture of some having choice of irons and quieter for others. Always the way, wait for a bus then two turn up...

YellowAardvark It shouldn't be this hard. I would focus on acquiring a different iron.

unavita You've... dated people you've hit with your car? Well, that is one interesting pulling technique!

Movingon1611 Red flag. Two divorces by 36 and living with his dad is troubling. MH issues wouldn't bother me, but to get divorced twice that young and to be living with family suggests poor judgement and also being financially wiped out from poor judgement.

ShatnersWig I tried real life after OLD. It was worse. Back to OLD now... In the past I've dated men I used to work with, and men who have shared a hobby who I've met at either regular activities or one-off events.

LanaDReye Ah, sorry to hear about your trouble with the old iron. Hopefully this is the last of it.

Just jumping in again. Dating my lovely lovely friend's brother. We are on the brink of saying we love each other, I think. His family don't approve, but he doesn't care. I'm ten years old than him. They'll come round.
Fiery, I understand you would like to.meet him and ask him about why he didn't apologise in person. Even if he apologies now, though, I would still be wary. Think about how you'd treat someone you were really into. That's how you should expect to be treated. Shoddy behaviour usually indicates a lack of investment, regardless of the excuses we make for them.
Aardvark if it's this hard to get him to go on a date, there's no point really. You want to be with someone who is equally enthusiastic.

I hope it is over too. I didn't realise that he had an anger issues earlier. I thought he was right and I wasn't considering his feelings properly. I have learnt to look more clearly at potential red flags on this issue!

Sorry that was to Pringle about Mr Anger as he shall now be called.

Thanks all re Mr Messages. It's hard to walk away sometimes isn't it. I just don't understand either - have I just been messaged to pass the time? It seems so

Aardvark some people are lonely and crave human interaction and messaging can give that it's something that MN helps me for when DCs in bed and friends are coupled up and the humour too! .

This thread also keeps us grounded - it's all BS until it actually happens (forgot rule number).

Went on second date last night (no alcohol involved this time!) Still enjoyed his company and he seems to like me too...i shall wait to see if I hear from him today as I'm worried I may have been too much myself and scared him off! We have a lot in common which is good.

Good luck with Mr Spaniard today Pringle!

Nearly keep going. I'm not sure the ones you didn't like count 😂

Fiery I would say call Mr Texan out. I need to learn this. Letting things go teaches them that you'll tolerate it. If they react badly you've saved increasing heartbreak. Hopefully. Antigrinch I like your stance with this. And Faronto too.

Johnsnows gah the waiting. Good luck!

Yellow you want to meet. He doesn't. I think. It may just be that simple. And not about you; it's about him.

Lana good on you for blocking. It's not fair to blame you. Again, it's about him, not you.

Update; Mr Charity was v charismatic and nice. I really liked him. But v feint alarm bells and I couldn't put my finger on it. I had a busy evening yesterday and he didn't feel I was messaging him enough and got sad and guilt trippy. I'm v sensitive to people's expectations. This is not a good romantic match. I already feel that he would be very controlling &/or insecure. Shame.

Mr Nature is still firm favourite. I want him in my life. I hope I can be absolutely myself with him. Meeting next weekend. I may burst with excitement before then.

Still waiting for Mr Buff to ask me out! In fact as I've been writing this he kind of has 😆 He is getting better and better. Hope he's as normal and lovely as he seems!

Love this thread ❤️