The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Pringle I'm excited for you. Being a PT isn't just the gym body - you need the knack of making people feel comfortable. I have employed 3 of them over the years - two were average and one was a miracle worker but they all had great personalities and were really good company

earthangel I just had a pep talk from friend as I said I was not going to let myself get too excited. She reminded me that I can deal with disappointment and that I should get as excited as I want 😂😂
I think she has a point. I'm not necessarily expecting forever and can cope with a break up so enjoy it!

Mr charity's issues are quite/v close to home, and on paper he's good. But I'm going to try to tell him my concerns tomorrow as his reaction will hopefully tell me what I need to know.

Happy birthday queen

I just found the block button on pof. And am just blocking anyone who sends stupid messages or has rude references in their name or is clearly 50 years older than me. I've never blocked anyone in my whole life from anything. I love it 😂😂

Who had the red trousers?? I think I may have found him too... (unless it is possible, I guess, for there to be multiple red trousered males???

nearly what if you knew for sure you were definitely going to hit it off with, say 1 out of every 8 men? Would you keep going then??

anothernew I had a Mr Red Trousers. I am bored of him.

I only block the ones who send explicit or rude messages. The ones who aren't my type, I just ignore.

Although, there are a few I am now thinking of blocking. I have now decided that Top Prospect means Men-Pringlecat-Bloody-Well-Hates. They're just so irritating and hard to talk to!

Queenofthedrivensnow He was really at ease talking about certain aspects of his past and I found that really sexy. He seems very comfortable in his own skin - take him as he is, that kind of thing. Which makes me feel immediately more relaxed about myself. I think he's my new favourite.

Mr Spaniard can try to convince me he's the better catch on Thursday, or be another mere practice run. I leave it up to him!

Jelly I hate talking on the phone, I told Mr Surf that I prefer to chat in whatasapp until we have met, since meeting he has called me once, he seems to respect the fact I don't like talking on the phone so we compromise with whatsapp and the odd phone call.

anothernew glad your friend gave you a pep talk we all need them now and again. My friend told me the other day to get back up and ride that crazy horse again. I guess she is right. Hope your date with Mr charity exceeds your expectations tonight.

I love blocking too. Some people are just asking for it. Got talking to a new iron last night, a few years younger and very good looking but zero chat unless it's about himself. I stopped responding so he messaged me again saying has the fact I trade cars for a living put you off, it appears most women don't like my line of work. I said not at all but what might is that you don't ask any questions so it's hard to have a conversation. He replied saying I'm rather old fashioned, a conversation should be by one another talking not texting. Who wants to answer a load of q&a via text, not me that's for sure. I was like yes but you're online so the only way to get to know someone is via messaging in this case. He came back with What would you like to know I'm an open book. You're very attractive and tall but no kids, I can't get my head around that.......DELETE. Give me strength!!!!

pringlecat Mr pt sounds lush. Good looking and nice to talk to. You must be excited for Sunday.

Hi all. Wow POF is a mixed bag isn't it! Already had to report one guy and what's with all the young lads asking for older women? (Puts me off being called older!!).

Also guys asking for dates in the first conversation, really early on? Is that a sign they will ghost you and are time wasters?

All POF tips and feedback please people!

Bant I'm not sure if you realise how long the natural look takes to achieve ;)

Well my cancelled date from last night was texting me from 9pm, he said he was stuck at work before then so it may have been genuine. We have re-arranged for saturday. Two strikes and he is out though!
we are going for a drink in the pub, if we don't get on I'll make my excuses and leave. But that's not been the issue with any of the previous dates. In each case, we have got on well, the conversation has flowed, they could have gone home early but kept buying the drinks etc, and two of them asked to see me again on the evening - no one made them do that!

Also my free time is mostly on evenings/weekends so I'd rather go for a drink and then dinner if we both want to. It seems a bit pointless for me to go for a coffee in Costa on a saturday afternoon then go home and watch telly all evening if there are nice men who want to take me out :) (they just dont want to take me out more than once apparently!)

OK, having given up the online dating and refusing to go back to it, I'm back to the question "where the hell are you supposed to meet someone"? if you never meet anyone single at any of your many existing social activities or at work. The usual answer is MeetUp. I hadn't looked on there in two years, so wondered if it had improved.

Within 10 miles of where I live, which includes one small city and one large town providing 250,000 before taking into account all small towns and villages in between, my options are (and these are the actual names):

Geek Night
Single Parents
Ladies Volleyball
20s and 30s Get Together
50s and Single
Walking with Dogs
Young Professionals Under 35
Single Girls (20s and 30s)
Real Estate
Sassy Attractive Ladies
Women Building Friendships
Newly Single Ladies
Boot Camp for Over 50s
Authors Alliance
Book Club
Sci Fi
Social Ladies Under 40
Fishing

I'm a 43 year old bloke, no kids, no dogs for crying out loud. Unless I want to take up fishing - and I doubt there will be many women there - I'm buggered!

The nearest group for which I have any interest and which caters to someone my age that isn't either women only or obviously very male oriented is 45 miles and an hour's drive away. Blimey.

ShatnersWig you need to take up reading mate, you'll be the only bloke at the book club guaranteed.

Nearly Sadly, I rarely read fiction. Devoured it when I was younger but these days only tend to read non-fiction. Have huge collection of books at home but literally only two shelves of fiction. Guess I'm just a factual sort of person who likes finding out about stuff.

anothernew I did a count and I have been on 8 first dates since Easter I think. First few either I didn't want to see them again or it was mutual. Last three I got ghosted.

so by your count I should be due a success soon !

Hi everyone.

So I seem to have finally found someone I really really like (historically I pick holes and end things for what seem minor reasons and began to worry I was too guarded).
We met online two months ago. He was only single 8 months and I told him he was in the earlier stages than I of dating and sort of joked he should have a year of fun and then come back to me.
I am an open book and he knows I like him a lot and whilst have no desire to rush things wanted loyalty which he assured me he'd give. He's made it very clear he likes me a lot too but says we should just take each day as it comes.
Neither of us have deleted our online profiles....he sort of offered once as reply to me suggesting I would delete mine. I said no...stop there...I would like you to delete yours when you want to not because you feel you should.

So.......guess what. Shot myself in the foot didn't I 😂. Two months in I'm wondering when will he tell me he wants to delete his profile. I know he's on more than one site, the one i can view he dosent frequent much. The only reason I go on there is to see if he's on there.....but he doesn't know that and.......oh it's all just so silly isn't it!

Question.....how long do you consider being in a relationship before taking a step to remove profiles and offer each other a little bit of commitment? Security?

I know the answer is different for all but I kinda feel ready to do this and what to know what's norm. Im very frightened of being hurt....and have told him so. I like him a lot and if he feels it's not longterm for him I'don't rather he goes now than later.

ShatnersWig can you join a club or class related to a hobby? Do some volunteering? Start your own Meet-up group?

WhatShould I deleted my POF profile after two dates, partly because I don't want to date multiple people and partly because I don't like POF. He saw that I had done that and hid his without discussion. He told me it wasn't interested in looking for other people.

whatshould two months is way too long to still be having a profile online, I think after a couple of weeks of dating that person would be about right (4/6 dates ish?)

Got pissed off with Mr Texan last night, supposed to have a date at 8pm, he calls me at about 6 to say he's got a really bad headache and is going to have a nap for 30 mins and see how he feels and will call me after that and we can still meet, he thinks he'll be fine. No prob says I.

Then I hear nothing at all from him, which is fine, I figured he's just not woken up, he's poorly so I totally understand. I messaged him just before 11 to say goodnight, guess you are still sleeping, no problem, hope you feel better tomorrow.

10 mins later he messages to say he's just woken up, feels better etc but DOESN'T say sorry and this drove me nuts! I have no issue with him being ill but just say fucking sorry for leaving me hanging! Manners is a huge thing for me and please, thank you, sorry is so ingrained and I just thought it was rude but I've bitten my tongue.

Made me think about how in the early days of relationships it's so hard working out what you can tolerate or not and when do you mention things that bug you??

I am aware I may be blowing this out of proportion but I was sat ready to go out make up done and never heard from him.

Thanks smeaton I couldn't decide of I was overreacting or not. I get that he fell asleep but was really expecting a contrite apology which would have been fine. I haven't said anything as he's quite rubbish at texting - one sentence kinda thing but we do speak on the phone - and I worry about how the tone would come across via text.

I think I will say something when I see him next as I can't abide bad manners, that's always gonna be a deal breaker for me. I was kind of shocked be didn't apologise tbh!

Pavonia I do (at present) amateur dramatics, badminton, sailing, film club, walking, play a couple of musical instruments and manage a charity and as part of the latter do a lot more hours than I am paid for and voluntary stuff. To be honest, I do so much organising there and with some of the hobby stuff, I really want to just turn up at things now, rather than organise a meet up of my own. And god knows what that Meet-up would be that would basically say "right, this club is open to anyone in their mid-30s to mid-40s but basically mostly single women please"

Wow @Fieryfighter I'd be fuming. Huge red flag for me I'm afraid.

Shatners the things that you already do sound as though they would have potential for meeting people, but I appreciate it's not that easy. Sounds like you would have trouble fitting much more in! How about a theatre goers club?

Fiery I wouldn't be impressed either but maybe he wasn't quite himself if he had just woken up. It does sound like he might be taking you for granted a bit.

Yeah I'm not best pleased, I'm definitely going to raise it. Typical when things have been going so well! But least it's early days and I'm not emotionally commited yet.

We'll see...

Has anyone tried Elite Singles?
Or any other sites than POF?

So here are my irons:

POF guy - let's call him Brahms. Quite pretentious.But pretentious can be fun. If English is his second language, then I'll give him a chance. if it has taken him 40+ years to get this bad at his first language then I'm sacking him off. (not sure how to find this out?) Not sure anyway to be honest.

Tinder guy 1: sensitive copper. He is really cut up over his ex and probably needs more TLC than I can be arsed with. Probably also a bit unreconstructed judging from the odd hint. As far as I can tell he's honest, friendly and has decent spelling.

Tinder guy 2 - sent me a message today, I replied, no response yet

Tinder guy 3 - sent me a message today, I replied, no response yet

Pavonia Women outnumber men about 4:1 in every drama group I've ever been involved with (involved with 3 at present). Both my previous exes I met through drama. But everyone's coupled. Hardly any single at all and usually too young or too old. Height ho. Settling in for another 7 years single!

Antigrinch whenever I have suspected English as a second language I usually ask "so how long have you lived in London?" the reply is usually "I've lived here all my life"!.

OKCupid is worth a try.

Shatners this is why we turn to OLD. Are you certain you don't want to keep trying?