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Original poster

The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

999 replies

pringlecat · 27/06/2017 08:51

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  1. If it's not fun, stop.
  2. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Bant · 27/06/2017 20:20

LM - I got involved with someone who hadn't travelled, wasn't educated, and had kids and was really quite different to me - we'd actually been born within a month of each other and lived about three streets away from each other when we grew up, but different circumstances..

I was smitten and she was funny and attractive and we made each other laugh and there was massive chemistry. It didn't work out in the end though because she was strongly into mediums and woo, and I'm not, and it was very important to her and I thought it was bullshit.

I think it would never have worked out for us in that case, but we had fun for a few weeks. She was witty and interesting to talk to, and great to go to bed with. But I don't know if we'd have had anything more than that, given the differences

Bant · 27/06/2017 20:22

Ok nearly

Give us a breakdown on who they are and what happened, what you talked with them about. This is unusual behaviour, even for OLD. Four disappearances in a row means that something's going on here,

What did you talk about with these men? Politics? Religion? Your love of eating your own toenails?

AppleBlossomTimeNow · 27/06/2017 20:37

I'm still taking a break from OLD but in touch with someone I've dated twice via Tinder in a very half arsed way. I'm with Bant - cannot be bovvered at the mo..,

Lovemusic33 · 27/06/2017 20:46

Bant maybe I am just looking too far ahead, I just can't see it working. I find him very atractive and he seems lovely, would love to find out what he's like in bed but being realistic I don't think it would work as a long term thing.

I might have a look on Tinder tonight, I don't often have any luck on there but fed up of the same old faces on POF.

Original poster
pringlecat · 27/06/2017 20:49

LanaDReye Strategically dating... love it!

Queenofthedrivensnow Hope you've had a good birthday. Smile I'm back to using POF myself.

Lovemusic33 I think Mr Nice is too smart for me too. There's a fine line, isn't there?

We have to be careful not to let our own insecurities cloud our judgement. I still don't understand why a personal trainer would want to speak to me. I am a wreck. He is very, very cute. People see things in us that we don't see ourselves. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

NearlyFree17 Where did you find these men? More details. That sounds like a run of rotten bad luck. Tell us more - as Bant says, that seems odd, even for OLD.

OP posts:
NearlyFree17 · 27/06/2017 20:55

Bant thanks, I think I've just had a run of bad luck and maybe I need to give it a break for a while before my ego is crushed.

Date 1- we met IRL not off a dating site and hit it off instantly. Texted for a week nonstop. He invited me out to dinner, we spent the night together. Next day texts trailed off, etc, then nada.

Date 2 from Tinder. Chatted on and off for a couple of weeks. Went out to dinner, he asked me if I wanted to see him again and I said yes. He gave me a lift home and we snogged. Text him a couple of days later and...nada.

Date 3 from Tinder. Went out for drinks, he asked me if I wanted to see him again I said yes. Peck on the cheek and hug when we said goodbye. Text him a few days later and ...nada.

Date 4, been texting each other for a few days, he was really keen to meet. Agreed yday we would meet this evening. Went silent this morning, text me again loads this pm, then cancelled at last minute.

???

Bant · 27/06/2017 21:08

hmm. Well #1 is par for the course. If you go to bed with someone straight off, then they don't know you well enough to want to see you again. (Not always of course, but that's generally the way)

Date 2 and 3 sound normal. People disappear all the time. It's shit (and this is why I disagree with someone's comment about ghosting after a date, because being on the receiving end of it is shit) but. It seems like you did nothing wrong. They both wanted a second date and then changed their minds. See rule 6

Did you enjoy the dates? That's what you've got to think of it as. Enjoying an evening out. A second date, if it happens, is a bonus. A relationship is a big win.

Date 4. Well, he's a tit.

NearlyFree17 · 27/06/2017 21:17

Bant yes that's all fair enough. I just cba putting the time and effort in for any more of this for a while. I think I'm going to date myself this weekend. Gonna go up to London on Saturday and go to the national gallery (am doing an art history course that I'm loving at the moment), have a quiet night in then go to the cinema on Sunday to watch a film I want to see. Much better plan than spending ages tarting myself up for blokes who don't appreciate it :)

Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/06/2017 21:34

Nearly free you need to shake it off and follow the rules - it's no reflection on you! I've probably had all those experiences but I don't remember them. I've had 3 ltr from old - that panned out from chatting to texting to dating to relationship - with no bullshit at all. It's out there you have to keep casting the line x

Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/06/2017 21:34

Oh god. Early I am so bloody jealous of your weekends!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/06/2017 21:38

Nearly nit early

LanaDReye · 27/06/2017 21:38

Nearly why are you making such an effort for date 1? I don't even call date 1 a date when arranging it, it's just coffee, unless I have a date 2 and 3 that go well then I backtrack and coffee becomes a date as I ask for exclusivity early on so its my perogative .

I have recently been on four dates and three would not have gone anywhere. I let it drop nicely and they weren't bothered. It's the nature of the dating beast, OLD appears to have an army of potetials, you reduce it to a handful and even they often aren't compatible. Another site or short break could help and wear jeans and just coffee as easier .

Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/06/2017 21:42

Agree - don't over invest. I don't go beyond day wear for first meet - few dates in if we hit it off and a nice dinner is planned I might get my legs out though!

Lovemusic33 · 27/06/2017 21:42

Nearly I feel the same, I feel like I'm wasting my time and I often just plan to do something nice at the weekends by myself, I'm starting to enjoy spending time on my own.

NearlyFree17 · 27/06/2017 21:53

Haha I'm not turning up in a ball gown for first dates! But men do judge on looks so I do spend time getting ready...

LanaDReye · 27/06/2017 21:56

LM intelligence comes in many forms. My last BF could mathematically calculate probabilities as easily as breathe but couldn't fully understand emotions. I think he'll have short-term relationships forever (late 40s and no ltr). He appealed to me for a while as previous BF was controlling and maths man lacked the emotion to be controlling!

I am more qualified on paper than most of the men I have dated since end of my ltr, but I value emotional intelligence and a sense of connection as my top priorities. Everyone is the prize and should not be made to feel less than a prize apart from John in the last thread, he was not a prize .

JellyBean31 · 27/06/2017 22:14

So 2 of my irons want to talk on the phone.... I don't understand this, they are still basically strangers.. What the fuck would we talk about?

How can I say, no I don't want to chat on the phone without sounding like I'm putting them off?? I want to get to know them a bit better by messaging more and would prefer to meet face to face before talking on the phone

LanaDReye · 27/06/2017 22:23

Jelly you could just say "no thanks but happy to message and if we have enough in common to meet up in person".

Bant · 27/06/2017 22:32

nearly - yes, men do judge on looks. Some will judge you down if you're not showing a bit of leg and have enough makeup on during a first date. Do you really want a second date with those guys?

Because those are the guys who will wake up next to you after going to bed and realising you're not wearing makeup anymore and never call you.

Keep a first date simple. Minimal make up. Short date, with coffee or something. Not dinner
Judge them for who they are, and they'll judge you back, and then you decide whether it's worth making more effort. You're not trying to catch anyone, you're trying to catch someone decent

(I've had first dates with women who made too much effort and I wasn't interested because they seemed desperate)

Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/06/2017 22:39

I have a male friend who insists on a phone date before he agrees to meet - he says it's to hear the accent and this and that. I see his point

LanaDReye · 27/06/2017 22:43

Bant I agree and think the less is more approach in general is helping me with Mr Cook. Instead of trying to impress him I'm saying whatever comes into my head and the honesty seems to be working if I had been more direct before, rather than trying to impress, I could have saved myself lots of time .

Original poster
pringlecat · 27/06/2017 22:52

I just had a chat on the phone with one of my irons. I don't think I came across very well, but he did. He sounds even cuter now. I like his voice. Smile

OP posts:
InfoSec21 · 27/06/2017 22:54

You can get a lot from a phone call, big insight into personality and humour. A little call could save wasting time meeting up, especially if it's hard to get the time to meet up.

LanaDReye · 27/06/2017 23:07

Ah Pringle is smitten. That is the fun side to dating.

Original poster
pringlecat · 27/06/2017 23:21

LanaDReye It was Mr PT, of all the irons! He asked for some more pictures, I sent him a few (including one without any makeup, because I thought what the hell) and he said I was very pretty. I want to meet him the most now. Smile He is a gorgeous man and he actually thinks I am pretty. I have tried my best to send him horrible photos that indicate how average I am next to that him with his sexgod physique.

Seeing the Spaniard on Thursday and Mr PT on Sunday.

OP posts: