The Dating Thread 119 | Summer days, drifting away...

[pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.

1. If it's not fun, stop.
2. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

So his profile was deleted, he told you he was off the dating sites ? Now you find he is still on there?

Yes. I'm not over reacting am I?

Unfortunately not. He's lied to you. How bloody disappointing. How many sites is he on? Have you checked them all?

I'm telling myself it could be harmless, he's maybe not going on the sites etc. But it is the lie that's important isn't it?

Gah.

Very disappointing indeed.

I can see him on the one we met, and another. I haven't looked anywhere else.

It could be harmless. He could just be checking messages but why say he deleted it?!? A lie is a lie and you are just getting to know the bloke, doesn't exactly fill you with confidence going forward does it.

How are you going to handle it?

Don't know. What's worse? My snooping? Or his lie? Maybe we're not such a good match after all.

You're in a tricky situation because you are going to have to fess up about the snooping. There is a reason you snooped. Just be honest and tell him and see what he comes back with.

Was it the late night phone call that made you decide to check if he was online still or something else?

I guess if it was me I might not bring it up as its such early days but i'd definitely be on my guard going forward.

Yea. Maybe I should tell him i have trust issues. I thought I was ok, but clearly not.

I think it was the phone call. And my relationship history. Neither of which is actually his fault.

I feel like an idiot now for even looking. It's not really told me anything. Snooping is baaaaaaaad

You don't have trust issues. If you constantly checked on him and he wasn't on there, but you kept going back and checking anyway, or were convinced he was on there even with no evidence, then that would mean you had trust issues.

But he explicitly showed you he'd deleted it, then he went back and created one again. Or he hid it and went on and unhid it again - depending on what site and how he showed you he'd deleted it.

This isn't trust issues, this is you listening to your gut instinct and being proven right to do so.

If he'd said he wasn't on there and then you found out he was - well that's an amber flag. Possibly red.

But he explicitly lied to you - that's a bit different

another I am in a similar situation, Mr Surf said he had hidden his profile but was vague about the reasons, then he disappeared completely but last week he appeared on my matches (but haven't seen his profile since), he's not showing up as being online so I am unsure if he is talking to others, on there to spy on me or keeping his profile there in case things don't work out. I have a date with him tonight and I don't know how to aproach the situation.

Thanks for the support; you are a lovely lot I'm feeling calm again now. Still learning.

And Bant I realise that I'm taking responsibility for the whole thing again. Must learn not to do that. Your message was extremely helpful. Thank you.

I also realise since I first posted that it's possible he deleted the app from his phone, as opposed to actually deleting his profile. In which case I guess he would still show up. Either way, it hasn't helped me to know his intentions. So no more snooping for me.

Love sorry you are going through it too. We seem to be living parallel lives at times on here. I'll be gunning for you tonight. Hope you manage to broach the subject. I won't see mine for a few days at least and doubt I'll be able to broach it on text or phone. Just keep in mind you deserve to be treated properly. And if he can't/won't there are plenty others out there who would love to.

Things are not looking good at the moment for us all, I got to date 3 with Mr good cop but then he cancelled tonight's date stating we live too far away and it won't work. It's about 45 minutes tops and was never raised as an issue till today out of the blue. Disappointing as I thought I found a good one but turns out not. We spoke about doing things in a few weeks just yesterday so feel a bit like I've had smoke blown up my arse but NEXT

Off to see an old fwb tonight instead. Pointless wasting the babysitter

Minop Sorry to hear that one didn't work out. There's better out there for you. Enjoy tonight

Lovemusic33 and LanaDReye nah agree as annoying as can be nothing new on these sites.
Did think maybe said something wrong then mehhhh clearly not worth it. Onto the next!

Jellybean - have you responded to fb message yet? I would be chatty then just say, nice to catch up..... Speak in another x years!!

Oh Jelly, sorry to dominate the thread. You are absolutely not obliged to respond. And certainly not quickly. Take some time, then, if the urge to respond hits you, do it. If it doesn't, then don't!

Went on a date yesterday with Mr Retail. Met him half way in between where we both lived. Ended up spending 4.5 hours sat in pub on soft drinks as we were both driving. We would have sat there longer but I had pick my son up from ex's house. Gave me a kiss on the cheek when we left and within a min of parting he texted me laughing saying he'd left his car window open and all his seat was wet as it had been pouring down. He texted me quite a lot through the evening. I texted him this morning and he replied but not heard from him since. Do I text or wait for him to message me? God I hate all this x

Wait to see if he texts. I'm sure he will

Oh Flower that sounds like a great date! If you want to text him, do. I'd probably want to wait now to see if he got in touch. I really hope he does xx

I did respond... But hours later and only after he'd sent 4 more!!!

I just replied with a jokey "you never used to be so needy.. Haha"

Anyway we exchanged a few chatty messages catching up and he asked if I wanted to meet for drinks tonight, when I said No he replied with "so you've been contacted too?" there's clearly a psycho ex out there and I've dodged a massive bullet!

But.... He has a new job working at a city centre train station... My office relocated last weekend and I'll be using that station from tomorrow so will more than likely see him every working day. I'm glad I responded and am now forewarned

Sorry, thought you had sent the last text. Send him one, he's probably thinking the same. It's such hard work 🙈

I texted him this morning and he replied asking me a question which I replied too and not heard anything since x

Date with Mr Surf went ok, we had a picnic by the river, chatted about lots of things but I didn't mention seeing him on POF. Spoke about taking things slowly due to my last relationship and me not wanting to introduce anyone to my dd's too soon, he was very understanding about this, there was lots of kissing before I went home and he has messaged me to make sure I got home safely.

Jelly that's good that the ice has been broken and your not left wondering especially if your going to bumping into him more. That would have been hard with the ifs and buts

Flower I'd say text him 'good morning' tomorrow if he hasn't text by then and see how that goes. Hard to see how things go but try and take a step back to see if he steps forward but still letting him know your there

Sounds like a good date love

Well Mr not so good cop said today when telling me a half hour drive was too much that he would phone me tonight. I told him I think I'm worth the distance and time and not to bother calling if he didn't think the same. Well he tried phoning me, I didn't answer as I was busy (distracted with fwb which was best yet and just what I needed!!! ) now I'm laid here thinking what did he want? I haven't tried phoning back or text but I'm a noisy person and want to know.
What would you do?