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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh just slapped 3 year old dd

216 replies

bluebell321 · 11/06/2017 20:50

Dh was just putting dd to bed while I was tidying and heard her suddenly start screaming and crying- ran upstairs and dh had slapped her. She was being a typical 3 year old and refusing to sleep but ended up throwing her dummy and hitting him in the eye and that was his natural reaction. He does sometimes have a short temper and can shout but in on the whole a v good dad and never done anything like this before. At first he started making excuses and saying it wasn't that bad until l sent him photos of her red cheek. Now he's saying he feels awful and is really sorry. Literally in shock and don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 12/06/2017 17:03

OP, if you're still reading: please don't be tempted to make your dd lie because you're worried it will be reported.

All you will do is teach her that men are violent and a woman must accept responsibility and help cover it up.

If nothing else, if you stay with him, even if you stand by while he does it again - don't ever force her to lie and cover it up.

eternalnamechange · 12/06/2017 17:11

Slapping anyone across the face is such an angry, hate filled action. In that moment you have lost control.

And I can't believe that anyone on here is stating that a slap is the only language some kids understand. If that is the only way for you to communicate with and discipline your child, get help or give them to someone who can find a better way, because that breakdown in communication is not the child's fault if you've raised them from day one, and they certainly shouldn't be assaulted for it.

PoorYorick · 12/06/2017 17:49

Bengal, so what would you say to a man who said it isn't always necessary to slap a woman, but it's the only language some of them understand?

And is it an acceptable way to communicate with a toddler? Face slapping?

And what do you suggest OP does? Given that abusive men don't tend to stop just because they're asked?

DavetheCat2001 · 12/06/2017 18:18

but it's the only language that some children understand.

There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to begin. So depressing. Sad

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 12/06/2017 18:18

its the only language that some children understand

I've got to assume that you're winding people up as that has to be one of the nastiest, most repugnant things I've read on here. You write like your the caring type and think you're slightly better than most, but you have a written and very nasty view. Shame on you Bengal

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 12/06/2017 18:19

Warped, not written

DavetheCat2001 · 12/06/2017 18:20

It's the sort of thing abusive men say to their battered wives to justify giving them another punch in the mouth or black eye.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 12/06/2017 18:21

Don't hit me.
I said don't hit me

Take that you little cunt

Is that how you think it should be Bengal? Firm enough for you? Clear enough communication?

CherriesInTheSnow · 12/06/2017 18:22

I wish you could just stop with this Bengal.

No it is not the "only language" some children understand, it is the only language some parent know how to communicate in :(

How dare you blame the child for their parents actions by implying they deserve to be hit!

I don't believe for a secone a parent who has never smacked or shouted at their child is the same parent who would claim that smacking is ever an effective method of communicating with a child, or any person. What on earth is going on here?

UnbornMortificado · 12/06/2017 18:22

I don't get this some children need it shite, DD2 can be "spirited" aka a pain in the arse on occasion I've been close to pulling my hair out, I've sobbed in the bath, I've even left her with DH and took myself for a drive to calm down.

Last year she headbutted me and broke my nose (accidentally I hope!) I've still never hit her.

Radishal · 12/06/2017 18:23

I was brought up in the 60s and 70s. I was slapped. On the legs. Never on the face - that is now and always has been dreadful. It's up close and vicious. Not sure which of my family would've gone for my Dad first if he'd ever done that.

DavetheCat2001 · 12/06/2017 18:26

I used to get the odd smack on the bum/legs when I was a kid too (70's/80's child) and I can clearly remember really hating him in that moment. However he never EVER would have slapped me or my sister/brother round the face. It's just taking it to another level.

Totally wrong.

BitchQueen90 · 12/06/2017 18:31

Cannot believe the excuses for hitting a child on here.

Would you slap an adult in the face if they were doing something that wound you up? Highly doubt it.

It's BULLYING. No ifs or buts.

Makes me sick that some people try and justify it.

Goingtobeawesome · 12/06/2017 18:33

Why aren't you choosing your child over your husband?

BengalPrint · 12/06/2017 18:51

*Don't hit me.
I said don't hit me

Take that you little cunt*

Is that how you think it should be Bengal? Firm enough for you? Clear enough communication?

In some cases yes, you're teaching a child if they hit someone they are going to get hit back. Or would you prefer them to go to school and hit another then get the shock when the other child hits them back, and maybe hurts them, it wouldn't be a nice feeling collecting your child from school and them telling you that another child hurt them, some things need to be nipped in the bud from early.

EyeHalveASpellingChequer · 12/06/2017 18:52

but it's the only language that some children understand

Dh just slapped 3 year old dd
BengalPrint · 12/06/2017 18:54

I don't believe for a secone a parent who has never smacked or shouted at their child is the same parent who would claim that smacking is ever an effective method of communicating with a child, or any person. What on earth is going on here?

That's right I have never hit DS he is a very well behaved child, that's due to how I have raised him, a child who I am embarrassed of or don't like to take out in public due to their unpredictable behaviour is a child I would never have.

StatelessPrincess · 12/06/2017 18:56

So does that mean Bengal that you think children are bad because they aren't parented correctly? Wouldnt that make hitting them even more problematic?

Tattybogle89 · 12/06/2017 18:57

bengal so u would smack them until they behaved? If not , enlighten me.
And saying a certain type of child needs to be hit is ridiculous. So the example you gave, of the child hitting its parents... They should have hit him? Yeah cuz that would really show him wouldn't it?
It would show him that hitting is acceptable.
It would teach him that when he loses control or things down go his way, to lash out.
And it would teach him its ok to hit his parents, because they hit him right?

BengalPrint · 12/06/2017 18:59

So does that mean Bengal that you think children are bad because they aren't parented correctly? Wouldnt that make hitting them even more problematic?

Yes exactly this, I'm done with justifying everything I write on here.

It looks like OP isn't coming back..

UnbornMortificado · 12/06/2017 18:59

No children are perfect some are hard work some have SEN.

a child who I am embarrassed of or don't like to take out in public due to their unpredictable behaviour is a child I would never have.

You can't very well put them back in Hmm

DavetheCat2001 · 12/06/2017 19:05

That's right I have never hit DS he is a very well behaved child, that's due to how I have raised him, a child who I am embarrassed of or don't like to take out in public due to their unpredictable behaviour is a child I would never have

WTAF???? You're either deluded or just trolling.

PollytheDolly · 12/06/2017 19:10

I used to get slapped around the head as a child. Wasn't just a one off either....

Got a permanent scar on my eyebrow to always remind me 40 years later.

So, you can guess my opinion on this.

Notreallyarsed · 12/06/2017 19:15

But on the other hand there are some very unruly, rude and spiteful child that do actually need a slap because that's the only language they understand.

@BengalPrint please do enlighten me on any situation that would justify a grown ass man slapping a 3 yo child across the face? (Hint, there isn't one.)

PoorYorick · 12/06/2017 19:17

Oh Bengal, ffs. When you're in it up to your ears, close your bloody mouth.

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