Dh just slapped 3 year old dd

[bluebell321]

Dh was just putting dd to bed while I was tidying and heard her suddenly start screaming and crying- ran upstairs and dh had slapped her. She was being a typical 3 year old and refusing to sleep but ended up throwing her dummy and hitting him in the eye and that was his natural reaction. He does sometimes have a short temper and can shout but in on the whole a v good dad and never done anything like this before. At first he started making excuses and saying it wasn't that bad until l sent him photos of her red cheek. Now he's saying he feels awful and is really sorry. Literally in shock and don't know what to do.

I don't know what to say.

That's unimaginable to me, so I really don't know what I would do.

I think I'd be asking to him to stay elsewhere, at least for a while. But in honesty, it's such a dreadful thing to do, I don't know if I would give him a second chance.

It is a criminal offence to hit a child and leave a mark. If you don't report him, you are complicit in this.

This is absolutely disgusting OP.

He slapped his toddler so hard that she has a red cheek. I get that you're in shock but you need to contact the police. This is incredibly serious. He assaulted your small child.

He slapped her face?! I'd kick him the fuck out!

Sorry yes call the police also!

Yeah, now I know he's a shit. Every time a woman on here describes some shitawful indefensible thing her partner has done, she always tells us he's a great dad.

Yep. Every time.

'He's an amazing dad.'

'The kids adore him'

'He's brilliant with the children'

Right after he's hit someone, or cheated on someone, or stayed out drunk all night (again), or cut off his wife's access to money.

Fucking ludicrous.

What the fuck? Poor wee baby.

Chuck him out!

Are people here really suggesting that OP calls the police?

Yes what he did was not on, but not a reason to get the police involved.

OP you need to have a talk with him, and prevent it from never happening again.

By the way, OP, if you think she won't remember this incident, think again. I clearly remember being physically assaulted by my father at about the same age. 30 years later it still pops into my head several times a day (astonishing when I consider how many other incidents of abuse from him I could choose from) and my counsellor believes I have mild trauma.

He was a great father too.

He must have hit her so hard to leave a mark! Game over for me .

Why oh why do OPs start these emotive threads and then just disappear and leave everyone hanging??

Bengal Print - if the child has a bruised face tomorrow and it is seen at nursery and mother has not called police, won't she be seen as allowing this abuse to happen?? An accessory??

He slapped a 3 year old in the face? WTF is the matter with him?! No. No way. He would be out of there, I couldn't ever trust him again. Disclaimer: I have smacked my DS myself. On the clothed bum and never hard enough to leave a red mark. And that was purely an emotional reaction to him kicking his baby sister. I cried more than he did. Throwing a dummy at him should have simply resulted in it being taken away and sent to bed with no story.

Bengal...how do you suggest op prevents her husband hitting their child ?

Talk us through that

I think people can make a really bad, heat in the moment mistake. But it entirely depends on how they own their mistake and what they do about it. And to never repeat it.

Because there are going to be plenty of occasions where your child aggravates, lashes out & tests to the upmost his patience. And you can't live fearing the next time. There can't be a next time.

Bengal, if she does not call the police and mark remains/ her daughter reports this she will be considered to be a non-protective parent - her ability to keep her DD safe will need to be explored.

OP's DH has physically assaulted a three year old girl by slapping - did you miss part of the original post?

Calling the police is an over reaction but doing nothing would also be a problem.

I'd say to him that he needs to go to anger management counselling. He can't have that short a temper as the children will test his patience from time to time..

There absolutely needs to be some consequences. If you aren't willing to phone the police, you at least need to ask him to leave for a few days. Or you take DD and leave.

Personally, if my DH had done something like this, I'd have called his mother and told her what he did. I know it sounds childish but the humiliation he would have faced knowing she knew what he did AND at what she would have had to say to him would have been well worth it!

BengalPrint What he did is against the law, assuming the OP is in Britain, so why is it not enough to tell the police? If she splits up with him, which she should, it would possibly be helpful to her to have the incident on record too.

I really hope OP is quiet because she's dealing with him and not because she wasn't told what she wanted to hear. ''He's a good dad'' always seems to ring alarm bells on MN.

Bengal what planet are you on? This man hit his 3 year old on her face, hard enough to leave a mark when he lost his temper. If the OP was saying their child ran out into the road, despite being asked not to, and her husband tapped her bottom and was terrified, totally different scenario. This is a child's face and a slap. It's criminal assault. He was angry. That's scary.

He slapped her face?

Pack his shit and get him away from your dd. Then report him. Scumbag.

Bengal how is OP supposed to prevent it happening again? Don't be so fucking stupid.

Yes what he did was not on, but not a reason to get the police involved

Bad advice. She's 3,she's likely to mention it to people. The OP could be seen as putting her child at risk. If she emotions it at nursery they will see it as a safe guarding issue .

Dd's dad (my dp) is struggling with his mental health and has had a shorter fuse lately. Dd is currently in a very frustrating stage (she's 3, it's what they do). The other day she refused to stop trying to put her play dough in her mouth and dp was getting cross. She did it again despite being told not to 4 or 5 times. He lost his cool and aggressively shoved her hand away from her face whilst shouting at her very nastily. I was so angry at him. I told him he was being aggressive and it was completely unacceptable. How dare he act like that towards her. I told him he was being a bully and as a grown man he should control his behaviour. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he ever acted like that again he would be gone and I meant it. When it comes down to protecting her or keeping him around it's a bloody easy choice to make.

I suggest that you do the same.

In England and Wales there is no ban on smacking and parents are allowed to use “reasonable chastisement”. However, hitting a child so hard that it leaves a mark, or causes bruising, swelling cuts, grazes or scratches could result in criminal charges