My wife says lots of women refuse to have sex with their husbands. Is that right

[stephied]

I am a guy, but I wanted to ask a question, because I know this board is mostly read by women, and I wanted to get a female perspective on a problem I have.

My marriage has been largely sexless for 6/7 years. By that, I mean we average once every 5/6 weeks. When we do have sex, it is very dull. Always on a Sat night, from about 10.20 to 10.40. If I try and make it a bit more interesting – say by buying some massage oil – my wife bats it away.

I have tried to talk to her about it. She is initially sympathetic, but then says huffily ‘Well, lots of women refuse to have sex with their husbands completely.’ Her point, I suppose is that I should be grateful if we manage it 9/10 times a year.

A bit on our situation, for some context.

I think I am a pretty good husband. We have 3 kids, 2 girls, one boy. Married 15 years. I provide well for her – big house, two nice cars, kids at great schools (mix of private and state), no money worries, luxury holidays, etc. I also do 50%-plus of the childcare. I run my own (pretty successful) company, so I have a lot of flexibility, while she has re-trained and now works 4 days a week, 3 in the office. I earn 3 to 4 times as much as she does, but I don’t object to the amount of childcare I have to do, although it sometimes seems unfair – being the principle parent (I take the day off if one of the kids is sick for example) is stressful when you also have to earn most of the money (we couldn’t begin to live on what she earns). We moved to York 10 years ago, and I know she found it hard to settle. But apart from that I don’t think she really has anything to complain about.

But I am really struggling with the lack of sex. I get spells of depression, for example, which I think are related to that. As I said, I have tried to talk to her about it several times. If I do, it might get better for a couple of weeks. After that, it just slips back into the same old pattern. I have tried to counselling, but she always found excuses to stop it.

Some of my mates tell me I should just visit an escort occasionally. Or have an affair. But I don’t really want to do that. Or I could leave her, but I think it would devastate the kids.

What should I do?

Is my situation normal?

Is she right that she is better than most wives?

If not, is there anything I can say to her that might make her feel this was a problem we needed to address?

Thanks.

Our relationship is fizzling out as I can't face the physical with him. A shame as we do love each other. But my case is different, as he has been abusive (which is probably why I blocked off). It's complicated, as they say.
However, this appears not to be the case with the OP. I do think that sex is part of marriage and if one of you can't face it, it's a bit of a deal breaker - especially as he seems to be doing more than his bit.
The trouble is, a lot of women go off sex in middle age - it's just biology. Articles about women in their 60's and 70's swinging from the chandeliers don't help, besides I don't really believe it! Most of my friends feel the same and many can't face it either (and I am on HRT!)

your lucky, i havnt had sex with my wife for 10 years, whenever i mention it all she says is "your only after my body" and i say, "if that was the case i would have left you years ago because clearly i"m not getting your body, i guess i am just to soft.

Yes but why is your username compost corner? Think about it.

Have an affair, just get yourself financially in the right place just in case she takes you to the cleaners. Sexless relationships not worth the hassle and frustration.

dont understand your logic, but i used to watch a tele programme called tiswas