When we do have sex, it is very dull how fun for her.
I provide well for her how 1950s. She works too you know. Money, cars holidays etc arent the be all and end all. Maybe you are dull. Maybe you arent kind or funny.
But apart from that I don’t think she really has anything to complain about but do you know? Have you had a heart to heart about her life and feelings? Or is it always about the lack of sex?
I run my own (pretty successful) company, so I have a lot of flexibility yet you complain about having to use that flexibility to care for your own children.
I get spells of depression, for example, which I think are related to that have you seen your GP or a therapist about your depression? Are you assuming its down to monthly/six weekly sex? So are you saying her low libido is the reason for your depression? Maybe she is depressed at living in a city she doesnt want to be in? Is that important to you?
Talk Relationships
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
My wife says lots of women refuse to have sex with their husbands. Is that right1
Today 20:52 stephied
I am a guy, but I wanted to ask a question, because I know this board is mostly read by women, and I wanted to get a female perspective on a problem I have.
My marriage has been largely sexless for 6/7 years. By that, I mean we average once every 5/6 weeks. When we do have sex, it is very dull. Always on a Sat night, from about 10.20 to 10.40. If I try and make it a bit more interesting – say by buying some massage oil – my wife bats it away.
I have tried to talk to her about it. She is initially sympathetic, but then says huffily ‘Well, lots of women refuse to have sex with their husbands completely.’ Her point, I suppose is that I should be grateful if we manage it 9/10 times a year.
A bit on our situation, for some context.
I think I am a pretty good husband. We have 3 kids, 2 girls, one boy. Married 15 years. I provide well for her – big house, two nice cars, kids at great schools (mix of private and state), no money worries, luxury holidays, etc. I also do 50%-plus of the childcare. I run my own (pretty successful) company, so I have a lot of flexibility, while she has re-trained and now works 4 days a week, 3 in the office. I earn 3 to 4 times as much as she does, but I don’t object to the amount of childcare I have to do, although it sometimes seems unfair – being the principle parent (I take the day off if one of the kids is sick for example) is stressful when you also have to earn most of the money (we couldn’t begin to live on what she earns). We moved to York 10 years ago, and I know she found it hard to settle. But apart from that I don’t think she really has anything to complain about.
But I am really struggling with the lack of sex. I get spells of depression, for example, which I think are related to that. As I said, I have tried to talk to her about it several times. If I do, it might get better for a couple of weeks. After that, it just slips back into the same old pattern. I have tried to counselling, but she always found excuses to stop it.
Some of my mates tell me I should just visit an escort occasionally. Or have an affair. But I don’t really want to do that interesting end to that sentence. I dont really want to do that. You should be aghast at their suggestion. Or leave her if its that bad.
Or I could leave her, but I think it would devastate the kids kids are resillient and no one should stay in a marriage they dont want to be in. If you arent happy with your wife, leave her. End the marriage. She is who she is and you are who you are. Fucking own your feelings instead of blaming her or the children.
Ive probably got more points to make on your post but I think ive said enough.