Ex has died, child support have written.

[SimplyPut]

Not sure if this is the right location but here goes.

I left Ex when DC1&2 were under 2.5yrs. He was abusive to me, financially abusive to us all and choose to have no contact with the children from then on. He had paid a total of £472 in maintenance over a 13yr period. He frequently left jobs etc with CSA found him, arrested his wages at one point so he moved again. Of the £472, £40 was made up of £5 postal orders sent when he was unemployed from the DWP.

He recently committed suicide. Today I received a letter stating he owed over £20k in maintenance. Of which £16k is owed to me.
If I don't make contact then they will pursue his estate for their share only.

What would you do? Do I upset his family (3DC's and a partner/parents) and pursue this for the DC's or just leave it be?

Well done, OP.

That's good then OP. I think I'd give them a ring every now and then, just so you don't get put to the bottom of the pile.

Good to hear op.

Well done op!

Pursue. Not grabby at all. They are his children and this is money you are owed for them.

Good luck

I have poured a large glass of red tonight. To quote another poster, the past few months have been a read 'headfuck'.

I had spent years putting him to the back of my mind and yet here he is again taking up my time and energy. Over the years he used to write to me, demanding access (that he walked away from) then when a court date was set and I was a wreck he wouldn't show. It was all just a power play when he heard something was going well in my life, eg. Engaged, lead upto wedding, pregnancy, promotion and new home. He never once wanted the kids, just to screw with me.

Simply I will join you. Its the constant worry of the impact on the Dc's but from what you have said they are very sensible, that's down to you, so cheers

Thank you, I am very lucky, they are great kids.

I have not read the full thread but you need to make a claim on his estate too.

His dependants will be entitled to anything over a certain amount if he Was married and has not written a will . If he wrote the children out of the will then my understanding is you can make a claim as he has not made provision for his financial dependants (he was providing via maintenance).

He may have death in service with work. He may have left the beneficiary as you or the kids. He may have an old pension policy, life insurance policy or endowment with you or the children as the beneficiary - people often forget to update them.

Take the children's entitlement - hey a good dad would have had provision for them, take what they are legally entitled to.

Someone on here will know who and how you go about finding out if he has a will or died intestate and who you need to speak to to make a claim.

Well done op. It does sound like a right headfuck.

Your dc are lucky to have you and dh. They will be fine with or without the money.

I bet HMRC have an efficient way of quickly extracting income tax due that tax year when a business owner dies. I expect there are financial penalties if the executors don't resolve it quickly. Doubt it would take years and years to resolve.

Good luck op. Get every penny due. If his family say anything explain that £472 wouldn't pay for 1 school trip abroad. Hell it doesn't cover 1 child's school uniform for their time at secondary school! 15 driving lessons.

See it as a fuckwit tax. Once again good luck.

You have done the right thing, I hope there is something for your children to inherit.

Contact the place who sent the letter.

Well done, Op. That's the right course of action.

I'm a bit surprised there are posters advising you to forget about money your children are due.

If you were my Mum, and you turned down thousands owed to me money that would help me at Uni, driving, a deposit, whatever, I would be .... beyond mystified.

I'm glad you are pursuing your children's money.

You don't have to justify your decision to anyone. That is money you should have been getting all along to support HIS children. It is theirs. His failure to provide for them when he was alive is not your problem.

Good luck.

You've made the right decision & I also agree with the poster who suggests checking there are no pensions etc due to your DCs. Sorry this is painful for you

I don't want to seem like a vulture picking through the remains, but I do want what's best for the kids.

I thought pensions were only transferred to spouse's?

Thank you all for your support and advice, I genuinely appreciate it.

You're far from being a vulture, you're looking out for your children's interests, which is more than can be said for him for sure.

I find it quite stunning to think that if there was £4,000 left over that the CSA would take it and there would be nothing left for his DCs, that seems wrong. But how many things seem right these days!

Was he married to his new partner OP? If he wasn't and he didn't leave a will then his estate should be split between his three children.

Well done OP.. Just read the thread.

You have done the right thing for your children.

Yes check the pensions, with dh' so would get 50% and our dc would each be entitled to 25% each till they are 23.

If there was £4,000 left over that the CSA would take it and there would be nothing left for his DCs

You get that it IS money owed to his DCs, no?

Yes pursue this, for your children's future.