Ex has died, child support have written.

[SimplyPut]

Not sure if this is the right location but here goes.

I left Ex when DC1&2 were under 2.5yrs. He was abusive to me, financially abusive to us all and choose to have no contact with the children from then on. He had paid a total of £472 in maintenance over a 13yr period. He frequently left jobs etc with CSA found him, arrested his wages at one point so he moved again. Of the £472, £40 was made up of £5 postal orders sent when he was unemployed from the DWP.

He recently committed suicide. Today I received a letter stating he owed over £20k in maintenance. Of which £16k is owed to me.
If I don't make contact then they will pursue his estate for their share only.

What would you do? Do I upset his family (3DC's and a partner/parents) and pursue this for the DC's or just leave it be?

Def pursue. You may not get anything but worth a shot.

Meanwhile, how do you feel about his death?

You ask "do I upset his family?", however your DC are also his family as much as the other 3 DC you refer to. You have every right to pursue.

I would absolutely pursue it.

If you regret it in later years you can then pay it back to his other family

If you don't pursue and regret it there is nothing you can do

Ps and it's not grabby, it's what the law has said he should have paid

I would pursue and put into savings for the children when they are older. It isnt grabby if you are not aggressive with the process. It's the least he can do for his two children.

Yes, put your DCs first and pursue this.

Definitely pursue.
Why do the CSA get money? How come he owes them?

As everyone else said, pursue and put the money towards their future - university or something. It won't even start to make up for their shit father, but it'll help.

PP mentioned life insurance; these policies generally do not pay out in the event of suicide OP.

Definitely persue the claim though!!

Pursue, but it sounds as if he may not have had assets? So unless you know otherwise, don't expect much. If anything.

Absolutely you should

Go for it.

Also if there is any estate shouldn't it all go to the children?

His family have got fuck all to do with your children. Pursue it and detach yourself as best as you can (hard I know) - it is OWED to your kids and don't be guilty.

I think the NRP has to pay fees to the CSA to handle the maintenance payments, so they have probably accrued as well. I don't think the CSA are expecting money before the children; just that 20% of the money is owed to them; they are going to pursue and are asking OP if she wants to pursue her 80% as well. I expect if the money available in the estate is less than £20k it will be split 80% to OP and 20% to the CSA.

It sounds like he was deliberately manipulating the system at times to avoid maintenance payments, so there may be property or money squirrelled away somewhere. It's very sad that he took his own life, and its commendable that you are worried about upsetting his other family - but it's not your actions that may upset them (pursuing money you are entitled to) but his actions (evading supporting his children). You're not reponsible for what he has done.

Sounds like quite a mindfuck for you as well, hope you're ok.

Do all you can. Ds1 dad died 5 years ago. £15k my D's has missed out on . No maintenance. Ds1 will get his inheritance later this year but that didn't help when I literally had to choose between electric and food at times. Or the times I had to say "next week" when he needed new shoes.

he probably didn't have any money, but out of principle i would do it. it might make a huge difference to your kids in the future and at least he'll have done something good even if it was at his death.

Meant to say I didn't pursue it. We had our own arrangement so not through the CSA. I would have had to get a solicitor and I couldn't afford it.

Estate needs to pay its debts first, then what is left can be passed to beneficiaries of any will, or if no will, then NOK. I believe.

So rough figures say there is £30k available and no other creditors to pay, CSA get £4K, OP gets £16K and remainder £10K may pass to his children, unless he has a will leaving it to the cat's home/etc. Simplified.

Pursue. You have two children who should have had that money. There is nothing grabby about seeking money that he should have paid. You owe it to your children to so your best for them - he didn't but you do. 💐💪🏻

If the case is a pre 2008 CSA case and OP claimed benefits such as Income Support or Family Credit some of the maintenance would have been due to CSA. It is unusual for CSA to take money owed to them before money owed to parents but the rules may be different when claiming from estates.

Life insurance can pay out after suicide. I remember reading an exclusion in a policy that was something like 'suicide within the first year of the policy'.

So obviously they wanted to avoid having to pay out on policies taken out by people planning to take their own life, but probably recognised that the point of life assurance is to benefit the people left behind, not the policyholder.

I'm in two minds about whether you should pursue it. If there is money, it is rightfully your DCs, but having money now won't change the fact that you may have struggled in the past.

Also, is there any money - it sounds like the CSA is just going to pursue his estate - they haven't said EXH has died and left £XXXk, do you want your share?

You mention a partner, so if they weren't married, technically the partner comes after his DCs and parents. What if the only assets they had were tied up in a joint property? It would be awfully messy and horrible for her if the money had to be taken out of the property by sale/remortgage? I don't know what would happen legally in such a situation.

Yeah I'd pursue it, he sounds a shifty fucker.

Pursue, it's for his DCs. If he didn't look after them while he was alive, then he should after his death.

I wouldn't, unless you are desperately short of money.

He messed you around, which is awful, but he's gone now, and it would be his partner and children paying you now. And they've just lost him in the most horrendous circumstances, if I read correctly.

I know the money is yours technically, but it won't feel like that to them.

Well, they would be wrong. OP has his children too.