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Original poster

Ex has died, child support have written.

220 replies

SimplyPut · 12/05/2017 01:08

Not sure if this is the right location but here goes.

I left Ex when DC1&2 were under 2.5yrs. He was abusive to me, financially abusive to us all and choose to have no contact with the children from then on. He had paid a total of £472 in maintenance over a 13yr period. He frequently left jobs etc with CSA found him, arrested his wages at one point so he moved again. Of the £472, £40 was made up of £5 postal orders sent when he was unemployed from the DWP.

He recently committed suicide. Today I received a letter stating he owed over £20k in maintenance. Of which £16k is owed to me.
If I don't make contact then they will pursue his estate for their share only.

What would you do? Do I upset his family (3DC's and a partner/parents) and pursue this for the DC's or just leave it be?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 12/05/2017 07:02

yes, pursue it onthe behalf of your children.

Inertia · 12/05/2017 07:03

I would pursue. It is your children's money, not yours.

If he had paid on time over the years, would you now be considering giving his family £16,000?

LightYears · 12/05/2017 07:03

Your children have as much right to the money as his other children.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/05/2017 07:08

Pursue it definitely.

CPtart · 12/05/2017 07:10

What's there for you wouldn't begin to touch the sides of what it would have cost him in reality to provide for his DC since you split. Even if he'd have paid it all. You'd still be massively shortchanged. Your DC are your priority not his family. On their behalf you must pursue.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/05/2017 07:22

Definitely pursue it. This money is to pay for your children. To feed and clothe them and any little luxuries it may afford. I would take every penny you can and secure a better future for your children, pay for something they've always wanted to do or pay off any debts you have incurred as a result of not having it.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 12/05/2017 07:30

Pursue it. The money is owed to the children. If his family have a problem with that then it's their problem. The money is owed and you have now been given a way of accessing it so please do.

Doilooklikeatourist · 12/05/2017 07:31

Pursue

barrygetamoveonplease · 12/05/2017 07:31

Pursue.
Think of it as a small admin matter that needs tidying up.

SnowinApril123 · 12/05/2017 07:32

Definitely pursue.

He shirked his responsibilities for years AND went on to have other children.

Well done for financially managing over the years but you shouldn't have had to, he should've paid towards raising his children.

If you don't need the money then put away towards the costs of your children going to uni or driving lessons or house deposit etc.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/05/2017 07:34

I would pursue this for your children

SnowinApril123 · 12/05/2017 07:35

Also OP you may end up getting nothing. His debts may exceed any money available.

LeninaCrowne · 12/05/2017 07:36

Pursue it. No one else but you is looking out for your children.

NormaSmuff · 12/05/2017 07:37

do you know if his debts caused him to commit suicide?

pretty pointless death, particularly if you dont persue it

rollonthesummer · 12/05/2017 07:41

I wouldn't, unless you are desperately short of money.He messed you around, which is awful, but he's gone now, and it would be his partner and children paying you now. And they've just lost him in the most horrendous circumstances, if I read correctly. I know the money is yours technically, but it won't feel like that to them.

Confused

I totally disagree-why the hell should the OPs kids miss out just so that his other family don't get upset??

Pursue.

zzzzz · 12/05/2017 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SemiNormal · 12/05/2017 07:50

Pursue it - I would. He created this situation himself. If people choose to be angry and upset then it's him they should be angry and upset with.

NormaSmuff · 12/05/2017 07:56

are his wife and children having to be made homeless?

expatinscotland · 12/05/2017 08:00

Pursue. His children by you are just as much his family as his present wife and children. Not for you to investigate anyone's financial status by your own, leave it to the professionals.

NormaSmuff · 12/05/2017 08:01

well you managed without it so far

expatinscotland · 12/05/2017 08:03

So? This isn't about her, it's about her and his kids. They could use the money.

MaybeNextWeek · 12/05/2017 08:06

'if there is money, it is rightfully your DCs, but having money now won't change the fact that you may have struggled in the past. '

I bet there isn't anything. I wouldn't, yes his dc should have had money years ago as they were growing up but they didn't. Why get it now as a lump sum after he's killed himself. Looking at the replies on here you probably will pursue it but I think it will lead to months of stress, bad will with his surviving family and probably for nothing at the end of it.

Also, I've never known the CSA chase up back payments after the death of someone they are crap enough at it when the person's alive.

Imbroglio · 12/05/2017 08:06

You are not being grabby. The money belongs to your family. It was intended to be spent on essentials so don't feel guilty about using it to make your life easier now, eg pay off debts or buy stuff you have been going without.

And be kind to yourself - this must have been tough.

lampshady · 12/05/2017 08:07

I'd pursue. It'd be a brilliant start to their adult life so stick it straight in savings if you don't need it immediately, but also take them somewhere nice Smile

You don't know if his estate will cover the full amount anyway, so may not get that much.

Racmactac · 12/05/2017 08:08

Definitely pursue it. He has done nothing to support them till now.

I suspect you won't actually get anything but I'd still try

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