Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

"whats the point in coming home"

he is SO at it.

Cheaters are the scum of scum.

And if OW is involved a sadly feel sorry for her as she too has got involved with a cheating scum wanker.

backscratcher ((hug))
So sorry but you sound strong & you'll come out the other side.
Fastest way out is through

I'd stop ringing and texting him now, your just giving him an ego boost. His enjoying making you sweat and doubt yourself.

He sounds a nasty piece of work from the texts his sent you, just be glad you've seen his true colours sooner rather than later

Hey OP, even if the text was from a wrong number it was delivered to his phone, so unless you deleted it from his phone, which I don't think you did, he must still have read it. Now if he read it then he can't have forgotten it so quickly that it rings no bells at all 24 hours later.
If it was a wrong number/ sent to the wrong person, he would know what you're talking about because he would remember French martinis at XXXX. He would say something like "how do you know about that text?" Or "oh you mean the text Dave sent by mistake". He has received that text and he has read it so he is absolutely lying to you.
I'm really sorry but I think you're being really strong

There's "no point in him coming home"? But where will he stay? It's not like there's a room booked at the Premier Inn.

His wife accuses him of having an affair and tells him to move out and all he can do is text you back to say you're basically nuts?

He should be ringing you distraught and trying to explain himself!

He is a lying twat, don't let him fool you!

Convenient that his phone ran out of battery. Am assuming that doesn't usually happen. wishing you all the strength OP, you're doing great.

And I can't believe he's actually still intending on staying out, while blaming it on you. Maybe this woman doesn't know about you and he can't think of a reason to give her for him having to leave.

I have never heard such a pile of horseshit in my life.

As I said to my cheater "I am not as stupid as you would like me to be"

If he was going out with the lads, why not mention it? If he wasnt working overtime why not come to dinner? Why the panic and tantrum when you said you might not be stopping over? Why picking a fight (twice now) to justify him not coming home?

And why, in all of this, does he not know what you are talking about re French Martinis when the text was on his phone and you saw it?!

He really is as dumb as fuck and thinks you are too! Good for you, no second chances for this cunt.

And I stand by what you said earlier, you can do better than him and if that means being on your own then that is still better than him. But keep the faith, there are some good men out there xx

Oh my god I've just RTWT. Sorry, sorry, sorry OP.
Short term: Make yourself feel a bit better if you can with a spot of evil. I would text him back and say "Oh god, I'm ever so sorry, I am a suspicious cow and I was a bit drunk, never mind, I'm home now still drunk and feeling a bit frisky so how about you make it up to me (resist saying "with your tongue in my ear"), and then lock all the doors and when you hear him, chuck the bin bags of his cut up clothes out of the front window. Also I night say "PS btw babes, maybe I'm so out to lunch cos I'm a bit preggo-PMS-y ... despite the endometriosis thing I'm late on my period, isn't that amazing?"

Long term: I'd also transfer every penny out of the joint account into my own account, put the bills into my name, and google "most evil divorce solicitor" But that's me...

Hugs to you OP. You will get through this. What doesn't kill us.

If he was really innocent, then surely he would feel sufficiently 'wronged' to call you, to say "what do you mean you're chucking me out?!"

I'm so sorry

If you do speak to him I would be expressing regret as you thought he was far more intelligent than his crappy pathetic attempt at an excuse indicates, and insulted that he though you would fall for it.

PS I just realized, you aren't married to him OP? So that, plus the not being pregnant by the fuckwit thing, are a couple of small comforts.

Darling he's had hours to try to think of a way to dig himself out of this. Don't entertain it, not for a second. He's a liar and a cheat. His phone didn't run out of charge and if he'd changed shifts he would have told you and offered to go to your sisters birthday. Stay strong

How's he explaining the fact that he said he was at work when his employers said he wasn't?

Presumably his employers were lying. For some reason that he'll have to make up.

The text was on his phone. You saw it with your own eyes. And his aftershave has vanished - was he planning to wear it whilst doing the overtime?! Lying horseshit.

Sorry Backstratcher, you know it's a pile of bollox. his phone didn't runabout of juice, he has been thinking of an excuse solution.
he will gaslight, he will try & call your bluff.
He is lying, you know it, altho may not want to believe it & follow through.
His stuff in bin bags, on the front lawn tomorrow ....
Do not have him back

What an absolute crock of shit

He's honestly trying to put blame on you? Seriously?

What a load of BS. OP thank gawd you're seeing through it. Power to you 💪🏼

Don't contact him.
Don't scoop to his level by playing games, don't tell him how upset you are, just don't engage with him.

It'll only make you feel worse in the long run.

What a turd. Stay strong.