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Original poster

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

999 replies

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:00

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP posts:
magoria · 12/05/2017 22:50

Sweetie.

Turn your phone off.

Try and enjoy what you can of the rest of this evening with your family.

Don't waste your time or energy on this steaming pile of BS.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 12/05/2017 22:50

Slimey little shit Angry I'm fuming on your behalf OP!! How can he think you'd go 'oh, of course, what was I jumping to conclusions for? Clearly his phone just died and I imagined that text!'
Hmm insulting s well as all the rest of it.

BaDumShh · 12/05/2017 22:51

Isn't it a coincidence that his phone ran out of battery the very second you confronted him with that text? Hmm what a pile of horseshit. He has lied to you all day long.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 12/05/2017 22:55

I'm really sorry OP. Stick his stuff out on the doorstep and go to bed. The bastard can sleep in the gutter.

Februaryjones · 12/05/2017 22:55

He's not very bright is he? He's read the text, now he knows you've read the text, why say he doesn't know what you're talking about rather than come up with an excuse about the text?!

smileyhappypeople · 12/05/2017 22:55

So sorry op

badmgr · 12/05/2017 22:55

So sorry. He's clearly lying - battery always dies at convenient times doesn't it. You sound strong despite all of this - keep on keeping on.

TokenGinger · 12/05/2017 22:56

I've just read the full thread. My blood is boiling. What an absolute cock. As others have said, even if it was a wrong text, the reference to French martinis would have registered with him.

He's pulling the wool over your eyes - well, trying to. You're handling it really well.

I'm just so sorry for the pain you'll be feeling Flowers

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2017 22:56

Well, we all know that's an excuse.
Now, if you do see him you could ask for his phone and I bet you a million quid he has deleted the txt from David. Why would he blow off overtime and not go to your sisters do?
Why blow it off anyway? How come it just so happens you saw the txt and lo! He happens to not have gone to work.
Please god, bin him!

Mix56 · 12/05/2017 22:57

WHAT LUCK that you happened to be by his phone with the martini massage.
It has abridged MONTHS/YEARS of lying, cheating, manipulating.
Thank God you don't have a Dc with this piece of shit

Mix56 · 12/05/2017 22:58

why don't I re read my posts before sending ?

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/05/2017 22:58

over 2 hours he had to come up with an excuse and that was the best he came up with? I can think of at least half a dozen exuses that would be far more believable than that crap in under a minute.

Even if he hadnt cheated, I am sure that you dont want to be with someone that thick.

Joysmum · 12/05/2017 22:58

Chances are that not only has the text gone, but 'David' will no longer appear in his contacts.

blackcherries · 12/05/2017 23:00

oh god really, that's the best he can come up with?

jeaux90 · 12/05/2017 23:04

And he's a manipulative little shit too. What's the point in coming home comment....giving himself the perfect excuse for staying out tonight. Don't fall for it. X

Misstic · 12/05/2017 23:05

He is lying to you. I hope you know that. If he indeed decided not to do the overtime, why did he not go to your sister's do instead?

Also that text exist(ed). Dave wanted to meet him for french martinis.

Mix56 · 12/05/2017 23:05

"What's the point in coming home " ?
He really thinks you are going to suck it up.
Don't.

GoodDayToYou · 12/05/2017 23:06

I'm wondering where he would charge his phone on a night out. Possibly on a train home. But... who takes their phone charger out with them on a night out?!

Kittencatkins123 · 12/05/2017 23:07

So his phone ran out of charge the exact second you confronted him
It's charged now but rather than ring you to save your relationship/sort out a misunderstanding he's sending you a text and blaming his lack of direct contact on you 'wanting an argument'
He has lied about the martini text which even if it was a wrong number he would know about
Rather than coming home slightly bemused about the whole completely innocent thing, he's staying out because he is guilty as fuck, is with someone else and has a shitty little hotel room booked

I'm so fucking sorry OP. What an utter fuckcunt he is.

Flowers
VeuveVera · 12/05/2017 23:08

Pathetic attempt at lying
You know you saw the text message.

If he was innocent he'd acknowledge that text message was an error.
If he was a good liar, he'd say ' oh yeah, david sent me that message,just being stupid'
Really sorry backscratcher

Splishing · 12/05/2017 23:08

So sorry OP. Haven't read full thread but think I've got the important parts. Agree with PP that he is trying to lie his way out of this by making you the crazy one. Not much more I can add to what has already been said. Only thing I was wondering was if his phone had truly died (yeah right!) and he was out with friends surely he would have borrowed one of their phones to call back. In my mind if he truly didn't know what you meant and was truly concerned about you that would be the obvious thing to be do.

franklyidontgiveadamscarlet · 12/05/2017 23:13

Why does it always have to be a game with people who get caught out.
Why cant these men just say " you know your right I know I am a fool but you caught me out. I'll come back and collect my stuff and just get on with making my mistakes and not go about hurting other people in my life.'

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 12/05/2017 23:16

What an utter cock womble. The insult to injury with his lying and gaslighting is spectacular.

SirVixofVixHall · 12/05/2017 23:17

I think he is fishing to find out just what you do know, and what you don't. He may not have twigged that you saw the text, and so be playing for time with bluff and bluster to see what you say next. Nob.

Foolmetwiceshameonme · 12/05/2017 23:18

I've namechanged for this post.

I had a 'thing' years ago with somebody. He treated me badly, cheated and manipulated me for years. I eventually couldn't take any more of it and finished things. I was heartbroken for years. I tried to continue with my life and to an extent did so but every few months he would get back in contact and we had an emotional affair. There were times when we didn't have contact for up to twelve months but he always came back. I was his ego boost I suppose. About a year ago, he contacted me with a photo of himself and his child. I think seeing his child made me realise finally he was with somebody else and I felt sick with myself and sorry for his partner (who he had all along denied being in a relationship with). We didn't have contact for six months and very recently he contacted me to say he got caught last year. I suppose that was supposed to make me understand why he hadn't been in touch but in reality it only reinforced my belief that a leopard doesn't change his spots. I feel terribly sorry for his partner who obviously found out but he managed to persuade her that he was the victim as he had always done to me. I doubt I was the only one he contacted over the years to stroke his ego. What you have written about your DP really struck a chord. I hope you'll be ok OP. Don't let him whitewash over everything. It probably wasn't his first time or his last. Men like that need their ego stroked.