Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

A couple of comments on GSM. Despite being what I think of as a premium site they are having some technical issues. I have been unable to update my profile photo and had to contact support. They have confirmed they have a problem but it is not yet fixed. Regarding the cost, if you sign up for a free account after a couple of days they will offer a discount deal. They offered me 20% off, the deal seems to have disappeared now.

Thanks everyone

Well when we were apart we just didn't get on as well (misreading of texts) and it became apparent our personalities were very different.

He's since said he's totally gutted n never met anyone he likes as much as me in his life but doesn't see us together long term as I have a 4 year old n he admits isn't great with young children.

He did require a lot of attention which I just couldn't give him n I think he resented this.

Rockabilly I had the spark/attraction with mr private but it seems to have fizzled as quick as it ignited!

Fortuna It just seems there's no mystery because you get to know each other before you meet.
I did arrange a date with a guy after just a couple of msgs, didn't msg much leading up to the date to see if it would be different but that flopped!

And sorry about Mr Private, I've got 2 very young children. It hasn't been a problem as yet but I did notice a majority of men my age (34) online don't have children. I imagine it's a bit of a shock to them dating a woman that does. It's probably why there's this age thing being discussed up thread?
Who knows!
I dated a 40 yo, no kids, he was a big kid himself. He was great with mine but I felt like long term with him would've been me adopting a third child!!

The age vs kids thing is interesting.

I can't imagine a 55 year old man seriously wants to 'date' a 35 year old woman who has young children? I suspect he thinks he prefers younger women until he meets one who has commitments.

Plenty of men in their 30's fully accept that women who are single will have children.

I am 49, no kids though. I don't see men looking for much younger women really. I know a woman dating a man with kids is different to a man dating a woman with kids, as women tend to be the resident parent (though not always).

I can see why people with kids want to date people with kids due to understanding each other's needs, but on the other hand it must add a level of complexity around arrangements. I think it would drive me mad.

Dating when both have kids: yes, it's tricky.

Yeah, it makes it more difficult to get free time for both people, plus you've got the additional complication of being able to stay over, the stress of potentially meeting the kids, and often the situation with an ex partner still heavily involved in their life.

It is tricky.

I don't really want to date someone with young children, would rather have someone with older children or no children at all, this is why I go for older men, most men my age seem to have young children ( I don't really want the hassle of young children ). Mr Facebook does have a child who he is sole carer of, this is what stopped me from dating him before but I have realised that it's not such a bad thing and he ticks all my other boxes. I do like children and I'm good with them but I kind of feel like mine are getting older and I am becoming less tied down now they are more independent so ideally I don't want the stress of toddler tantrums.

I have dated men who don't have children and they have been great with my kids but not always understanding about the amount of time they take up.

Yes it is difficult when you both have DC but equally you both understand the lack of spontaneity that comes with DC.

I have just got 2 new irons - both are in the same position as I am, as was my previous iron Mr Outdoors, in having at least one DC living with them permanently so not the usual EOW situation! So means that there is never a child-free home for overnight stays. With Mr Outdoors we managed by taking days off together and going on holiday, but I'm not sure I can face all that again. It would be so much easier to date someone with DC only staying EOW although it's nice that they're hands-on Dads.

Although at least in my situation all DC involved are teens or older so may stay overnight elsewhere themselves

Bant for me I think it is the involvement of the ex is what bothers me when there's younger children, probably from past (bad) expereances. The fact Mr Facebook has full custody of his dd makes me feel a bit more relaxed about things.

Every family situation is unique and every relationship is not unique therefore I think it is best not to have rigid rules.

I feel completely head over heels for Mr Navy Officer.

We seem to be in a patten of one date night a week in which he is simply lovely. Holding hands and being affectionate in a really nice affectionate way. We've fallen into spending weekends together.

Can't stop thinking about him.

I'm now talking to a guy who is 49 and has 3 children under 10 living with him!! Think he might be more understanding of my situation but not sure I will be of his...we won't get much alone time will we?

I agree, Pavonia. The Nurse and I would see each other maybe twice a month if we co-ordinated a 'no kids present/in the house' rule. I've been told here on MN that I'm a bad mother and 'pathetic' But it's impossible to judge without living someone's situation. We just try to keep things as low key as is possible and that's all we can do.

Polar - that sounds lovely. When do you see him next?

fortune it depends what you are looking for, I tend to stay away from men with kids under the age of 10. It would be hard dating at first and fitting around the kids and once you meet the kids (if things went ok) you would probably end up with hardly any alone time together, you could end up being one big happy family but probably more realistic that it will be a nightmare .

I dated someone a few years ago who had 2 teenagers from one marriage and 3 young dd's from another marriage, the teenagers lived with him and he saw his dd's most weekends. We ended up just being FWB and penpals as he could only manage to get a free day once a month.

DoIDontIhavethetalk - seeing him Friday. :) I just really hope it works out!

Pavonia wow twice a month intimate time !! That would drive me insane

Sorry that meant for don't I

I've started the next thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2931210-The-Dating-Thread-118-Online-and-real-life-dating-advice

Thanks Lana and lettuce. Yes I said my peace to friends and am enjoying my time. As someone else says even a short time down it can go wrong so I'm not holding my breath..I know that sounds negative but?! We've just sorted going away for the weekend but in sept (I'm going with family) I can always go on my own either way and know it's his thing so hope I haven't doomed by tempting too soon. Anyway went over last night late after my car broke down again..felt so deflated that i probably wasn't great company but did try! He said I was fine..but he never tried it on..I guess I felt a bit flat due to that but know after he wanted to so have at it go. Men in the past have aways jumped on me so I'm finding that side a little different.